I was

The choking effect of not being able to move forward has placed me in a state of unrest yet in a state of genuine peace. I would place the unfathomable amnesia as trails of crumbs that seemingly has no end.

My hands quiver anytime I'm asked the question, “Who are you?”, because I do not have an answer to that. 

It's 5:30am and I hear the alarm ring. I carefully hoist myself from the bed, trying not to wake anyone. My chest tightens whenever Alex stirs from his sleep. I'm not trying to run away, I just don't want to wake him. Making my way to the bathroom, I strip from my gown, fully exposing my naked body and then I hear a slight whisper echoing from the bathroom. 

Your cross, Nonye. Your cross. 

Adrenaline floods my system. I swiftly pick up the the scissors from the counter before yelling, “who is there?” My adrenaline surges so fast that I can almost vomit. I kick open the door, yelling again. This time, Alex is already up, panicking and running out of bed with his phone by his side. 

Your cross, I hear it again. 

I remember the news yesterday. I had watched it at the office with my colleagues. They told us to be careful not to open our windows or doors. Everyone is paranoid. 

“These murders need to be investigated.” Timi said. He's the most sensitive man I've ever known. 

“There’s no pattern yet, Timi. We just have to stay watchful.” Jil advised.

“If we’re no longer safe in our homes, where else can we be safe?”

I mused to myself gaping at the tv in the lodge, staring intently at the newscaster. I was livid with anger at his slight stammer and his fear. He could be next and so could I. Moving from the lodge, I stumbled at the feeling of a hot breath close to my neck. The unseen entity gripped my wrist making me squeal in pain for some seconds before letting go.

“Annie, are you okay?” I heard but I just scurried ahead without giving a response. 

“You’re doing this again?” He asks angrily after minutes of searching to no avail. “What is up with you?”

“I heard someone this time, Alex. I tell you.” I persist, checking the blinds and the wardrobes in our small room. 

“Are we heading down that road again? There's no one here!”

My hands tremble and so does the rest of my body. I can taste saliva thickening in my throat and my eyes already feel heavy with tears. 

“You’re seeing Dr. Moe tomorrow.” He finally says walking back to the bed with his phone placed on his ears after seconds of agonizing silence. 

Here I am, naked and terrified, lost, and hurt. Who is Nonye? I ask myself glancing at Alex scheduling an appointment with the doctor. 

It's Wednesday, 9:00am. I'm sitting on the soft brown cushion in Dr. Moe's office. Alex is not here with me, and I'm grateful for that. My doctor strides in with her smile on her face. She finally perches on the seat opposite me while adjusting her blouse. 

“Morning Annie.” She says still beaming. How are you today?”

“The same.” I answer. 

“Alex told me there wasn't much progress after you suddenly stopped coming.”

“We didn't have the money.” I lie. I schemed a perfect pretense of good character. I wanted to stop coming. 

“You were very violent during out last encounters. And Alex said you were violent yesterday. What happened?” she asks opening her pad to write into. 

My lips quivered. “I heard someone in the bathroom. It was like a whisper but Alex doesn't believe me.”

“What did you hear?”

“It said your cross, Nonye. Your cross.” I shift uncomfortably in my seat. I can see dense haze in the air. 

“Do you know what it means? Do you have an idea who the person is?” she relaxes on her chair, sucking her teeth.

“No.” I scratch my wrist.

“You once told me about some dreams you had about a friend. Do you think what you heard correlates to the dreams you've been having?”

“I never told you the contents of my dreams.” I declared, angry and uncomfortable. 

“I know, but what if the voice you heard is a hint to your dreams? Think about it Annie. What did you see?”

“They’re either about the future or about someone who seems so dear to me, yet unrecognizable.”

“Hmmm.” She mumbles. “What about the future do you see?”

“About murder, death, and panic. I fear for the people if something is not done.”

“You mean about the killings going on?” She is now sitting upright scribbling with speed. “What about it, Annie?”

“I have dreamt of the killer’s next victim.” She suddenly stops writing and looks me in the eye with an impenetrable expression on her face. “I saw him.”

“Where?” she asks, but my my lips don’t move. I feel the same hot breath at the lodge again. She could be the next victim and so could I. I stand, bolting towards the door and I run as fast as my legs can carry me.

I'm at the old house Alex found me the first time I met. It has become my abode whenever I run away from him. The house still looks the same I left it two days ago. My empty plate is on the table with the books and papers I left there. 

My solitude. I heave a relieving sigh before turning on the tv and sitting on the floor. 

It's 10am. A different newscaster is reading the news about the death of his colleague. How exact, how sad. 

I open one of the books on the table, searching for the name of the deceased, Tade Johnson. I read on, death by strangling. A slight giggle escapes my lips because this list had been compiled by me but I can't seem to remember when. I pick up the paper and glance through the content written on it.

Your cross Moe. Your cross. I panic and exclaim. There has been a change in name. In fact, there are a list of names written on it. I try to think, I try to remember. Why are their names in my book? It's just been eight months since I met Alex and started leaving with him. What have I been doing all this while? 

I scramble around the house looking for clues. I marvel at the rude awakening. Turning my room inside out, I open the the small safe in my drawer, with NONYE, boldly written on it.

It's 7pm. I'm home now with Alex giving me the lecture of my life but it doesn't make me miserable for I did earlier, it only piqued my interest about him. 

“Are you even listening Annie?” He stops to ask.

“I’m sorry I annoyed you. I panicked.” I say, avoiding his eyes. “Did you hear the news today?” 

“You mean about the dead newscaster? I did.”

“Do you know who is doing it?” 

He stares at me with a shocked look on his face. A countenance of terror “How’s that any of your concern? I'm keeping you safe aren’t I?”

“From who?” I question. “From Nonye?”

“You’re still talking about the mysterious name of this morning? Nobody bears that name, Annie!”

I throw the lamp on the floor. I move the table and cut myself. I hit him on the chest hard, and continuously but he doesn't stop me.

“Dr Moe is going to die tomorrow, Alex. She’s going to die.” I finally say. 

“I know.” He responds. “It took you long enough to know that.” 

I’m livid with his response and the teardrops race down my cheeks in anger. Alex cleans me up and sits me on the bed. I stare at him in awe on how well he was able to handle me. . I had checked the name after Moe, I had checked the name after Moe. My name was next. Death by poison. I was the last on the list. 

If I was to die, why question any longer. I don't care to know who I am. I just don't want to keep feeling miserable with every breath. It's soothing to know that my troubles end tomorrow.

“Tomorrow, I’ll prepare your favorite dinner.” Alex smiles and so do I.