A visit to a distant planet

Submitted into Contest #50 in response to: Write a story about a proposal. ... view prompt

3 comments

General

A VISIT TO A DISTANT PLANET Its name was Mars and it was big in size. It's colour was red. And red on earth was a danger sign. As we advanced, the planet seemed to get bigger in our sight. We landed with a bumb on the Martian soil. As we stepped out of our rocket, hot air stung our cheeks and we quickly put on our helmets. The scenery was unusually serene and quiet. The calmness was strangely disturbing. But it was not for long. Fixing our eyes on the horizon we saw a cloud of locusts the size of human babies flying in our direction. We quickly fell to the ground and they flew past us. By now we were horribly thirsty having exhausted our water jugs on our way from earth. The ground looked so parched, dry and there was no sign of moisture anywhere. But we had come far. There was no turning back now. I started to think of how Earth had looked the last few years we had seen it. It had lost its green luster, its vegetation had dried up. Huge clouds of dangerous airs had filled the atmosphere suffocating everyone. Dead bodies had filled the streets and there was a repulsive smell in the nostrils of many. It had stopped raining too but huge drops of sulphur would sometimes fall consuming everything on contact. We had decided to escape. But to where? For six years we had hobbled in space till we thought we were going to die. But no, we had survived and had sighted this planet Mars. And here we were, standing in front of a sea, liquid everywhere but none fit to drink. "Dad," I said, "I am so thirsty can I at least try this liquid?" As I bent to suck up this liquid, a huge mammal's tail flew out sending waves everywhere. Gigantic steps could now be heard and it was not long before we saw the creature. It was a sight. Huge scales covered its body and its eyes seemed to drop out of their sockets. This creature was standing on top of the liquid which had turned into solid ice and it kept snorting fire out of its nostrils. We had all drawn back but an imaginary glue of fear kept us in our position as we eyed the creature in front of us. Its gigantic feet plodded to us and its tail kept striking the frozen sea floor. "HOW DARE YOU INVADE MY WORLD!?" If the scenery had taken us by surprise, the new change of events only made us step back and bolt in the direction of the rocket. But our clothes hampered our movements and I stumbled and fell. I could feel the hot air as the creature was behind me snorting fire.. No wonder Mars was so dry, the ground would burn each time this creature breathed. I let out a cry as I fell and my father turned to look back. Seeing me down he ran to my side. But he was too late. He could only cover his eyes before the great creature picked me up with its mouth and carried me. I could hear distant cries from my family. I became dizzy and fainted. I woke up later ( I don't know in terms of time) in a cave. I was on a rough rock bed. It was rather dark and I had to squint my eyes to see. I let out a cry of dismay. The cause of my screams, the creature rushed to my side and patted my forehead. "Do not worry goodie goodie child, I am not going to hurt you. " the creature mumbled, its voice thundering all through the cave. But that did not make me calm down. Only made me scream all the more. Noting my hysterics the creature then took out a stone bowl filled to the brim with water and pushed it to my lips. "Drink," it said. Fear shook me but the creature forced the liquid down my throat. As the liquid cascaded down my throat I could feel all my vital energy rush to the fore and my body revitalised. Having drunk the liquid, (for I am no longer sure what it was being too strong to be water and too sweet to be wine,) I struggled to sit up and let out a murmur. "Where am i?" I asked sincerely. "You are in my castle little one." "Castle," said I in jest, "why this place is no better than our cottage back home." "Well beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think this place is fit for a queen." This statement made a ring to my ears. Surely, surely, this horrible creature was not planning in making me it's wife was it? "Why did you bring me here?" I asked nervously, roving my eyes in search of a tool for defence. "Because I didn't want you hurt. All those who ignored me out there are going to die. At night the atmosphere changes turning the air into nitrogen. They will never find water. This sea is the only source if water the whole world." "The.. whole..world?" I stammered. "Yes, the whole world." "Are you the only one here?" I asked. "Yes" he replied. He had looked down and you could almost say he was crying. "Pray, tell me what is your name?" "Mariot." "Where are all the others?" "Its a long story eh.." "Melinda," I helped out. "Its a long story Melinda. Things were not always like this and I was not always like this." "I think I have some time," I said sitting up. "Please go ahead." "Long long ago, in the beginning God created Mars, a beautiful planet with beautiful rivers and green big trees. Fruits and food everywhere. Upon it were many people of every tribe and nation. But later he created me. The beautiful scenery did not please me and I desired being an object of veneration. Thus I turned the people against their own maker. My creator ,God grew wrathful and cursed thus planet. Then he created earth and transfered all the people there. He left me here to suffer. But my regret began to gnaw through my bones and I called out to God to reduce my pain and punishment. He gave me one condition. That the first virgin that I came upon and if she would be willing to stay with me and be fruitful and fill the Mars then he would surely withhold his wrath from me." The creature stopped and looked at me with such puppy eyes confirming all the ideas I had that thus creature wanted to make me its wife. The moment the very idea crossed my mind I made a dash for the entrance only to find myself surrounded by water. "Melinda," thundered the creature, "will you marry me?" "Never," I cried. Never would I marry this creature even if it meant dying a virgin. "Melinda, think through your answer. I will care for you. Please marry me." "Do you have mirrors here? Because if you did you would see that your very appearance closes any chance of you finding a mate." Unknowingly I was leaning too much over the edge and I do not remember what happened next. All I know is that I woke up again on the rock bed. Mariot was staring into my brown eyes. "Stubborn. Stubborn Melinda," he was murmuring. "If only you would accept then your peace would be like a river and the waves if this very sea." "What do you want from me?" I asked. "I want you to marry me." "Only," I said in my mind. All I had to do was marry this monster and I would be safe. "Fine. I will marry you." I said grinning. "No. I need your love. I need you to love me not just marry me for the sake of marriage." "But were not those the conditions?" I asked. "You would not marry someone you did not love would you?" How I thought to myself would I e er learn to love this monster?? As time passed I got used to staying with Mariot in his cave. He treated me tenderly and gently and yet I could not bring myself to the idea of being his wife. He made my meals each days and prepared bathing water just for me. It was one of those days as Mariot was feeding me when I stopped him and held his scaly hand. As I held him him I felt all my energy rush to the fore and I coloured. "I can feed myself," I said. "Well just wanted to do something for you." "You do a lot for me already Mariot. I can never be able to repay you. Is there not something I can do for you?" "Marry me Melinda" I wanted to protest but my body gave me away. I started quivering and I turned all red from blushing. Surely I had spent enough time with this monster to realise that he was completely harmless. Inside me I felt strong urge to hug Mariot. What I get for this man ( for he was too gentle to be a monster) I really did not know. Only his appearance changed all my thoughts. I knew I liked him but like was becoming too mild to describe what I felt for him. As I continued staring into Mariot's eyes I could feel a warmth and a feeling I had never felt before. I could hide no longer. I rushed into his opened arms and kissed him full on the lips. What took place next only God knows. A dazzling light, like lightning came out of heaven and a knight in shining armour was standing in front of me. "Where did Mariot go?" I asked shivering. "It is I," said the man in a voice so sweet, so masculine and yet so gentle. "Thank you for freeing me Melinda. I had been trapped in that body for too long. Will you marry me?" How could I protest. " Yes I will marry you Mariot."

July 16, 2020 06:39

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

3 comments

Niveeidha Palani
07:57 Jul 23, 2020

Hi Amanda, I'm here because I received a critique email. I felt that you rushed things quite hazard in this story. You sort of lost the thread in some places, and the storyline was wobbly. Your idea was an amazing one! But it just needs the right descriptions and the right grammar. Prolong the story a little and let Melinda feel attached to the man before marrying him. Add more descriptions to show how the monster turned into a handsome man and personally, I would encourage reading more stories, read other stories on Reedsy so you get ...

Reply

08:25 Jul 25, 2020

I thank you so so much. I appreciate. Will certainly work on it more. And I will read more.

Reply

Niveeidha Palani
12:20 Jul 25, 2020

No problem, glad to help :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Reedsy | Default — Editors with Marker | 2024-05

Bring your publishing dreams to life

The world's best editors, designers, and marketers are on Reedsy. Come meet them.