Second Chance, Third Strike

Submitted into Contest #149 in response to: Write a story about an unlikely group (or pair) of friends.... view prompt

51 comments

American Coming of Age Contemporary

Prisons have a unique smell—a curious cross between perspiration and despair. Debbie noticed it each time she came to visit Seth. It’s a little like blindness, she contemplated as the guard led her to the visitation room. Debbie had heard how people who had lost their sight would marvel at how their other senses became heightened. It must be like that with freedom, too, she reasoned. Her eyes darted around, noticing every crack and stain on the drab walls as she passed through the locked doors and dingy corridors. Even though Debbie was only a visitor, being behind a fence, led through locked barred doors by men with guns heightened her senses as well. Her heels clicked loudly on the tile floor. Even the air around her felt noxious.. She struggled to breathe it in.


“How are you doing, kiddo?” Debbie asked Seth as soon as he picked up the prison phone. In so many ways the question was as ridiculous as it was unnecessary. Seth’s face was gaunt, his beard gray, his eyes glazed. He looked twice his twenty-three years and his voice was gritty, the result of a boy becoming a man behind bars.


“Same,” Seth responded, with a shrug of his shoulders. “Have you heard anything?”


His original sentence was fifteen years, of which Seth still had nine to go. Debbie had been coming to see Seth for the last four years. She started just after Seth’s mother had passed away. At first she came every few months, then she came monthly, now she was a weekly visitor. She’d become used to the question.


“Yes,” Debbie answered, allowing a smile to come over her face. “The judge has finally relented. You should be out of here in about ten days.”


“What are you talking about?” Seth gasped, dropping the phone, standing up and turning his back to Debbie. When he turned back tears were welling in his suddenly bright eyes. “Are you serious?’ he shouted before realizing his mistake and picking up the phone. “Are you serious?” he repeated. 


“Serious as a heart attack.”


The two sat silently, eyes fixed on each other, cheeks flooded by tears. They hadn’t contemplated the possibility, they hadn’t allowed themselves to hope, and now the future, for both of them, seemed unclear.


“Where will I go? I don’t have anyone,” Seth mumbled both to himself and to Debbie. For the first time he had to think about what came next. The thought terrified him.


“You have me,” Debbie reassured him, placing her open palm against the thick glass that separated the two. “You can come home with me.”


“But.”


“But nothing,” Debbie replied. “You can stay in Alan’s room. I think he’d like that.”


Seth’s eyes filled with tears at Debbie’s offer, he mouthed the words “thank you,” his voice suddenly lost. “You’re welcome,” Debbie mouthed back with a smile.


The visit ended with Debbie promising to pick Seth up when he was released. Seth stood and was led out of the room by a guard and Debbie turned to leave as well.


“I don’t get it," one of the guards said to Debbie as she left the room. 


“He has nothing and no one. He needed someone to help him through this and, after all, Seth was Alan’s best friend. I did it for my son. Every story, even the most horrific, needs an ending, and I didn’t want Alan’s story to end this way.”


As the guard watched Debbie pass through the last door he marveled at her capacity to forgive. Seth, the young man she had fought so ferociously to free, had been driving drunk on a license that had already been suspended for driving drunk when his car hit a tree. Her precious son, Alan, had been killed instantly. Two lives were forever changed in a single night. There was no hope for Seth and no peace for Debbie but now, because of her, he was going to walk free.



* * * * * * * * * *



The drive home was comfortably silent. Seth’s eyes darted from left to right as if he were seeing the world for the first time. Things he hadn’t noticed before—like how red the stop signs were and how calming it was to see branches swaying in the cool breeze—now transfixed him. Debbie’s eyes darted as well, only hers went from Seth to the road as she tried to contemplate all that had happened to bring her to this point. 


Seth looked markedly different than just ten days prior. He was clean-shaven and with a fresh haircut. He wore a blue polo shirt and knee length khaki shorts. Debbie couldn’t help but wonder if this was what Alan would have looked like had he lived. The two boyhood friends were often mistaken for brothers and, in fact, up until that horrible night Seth had always called Debbie Mom. 


The smiles that adorned Debbie and Seth’s faces changed in an instant when the car settled into the driveway of Debbie’s one story suburban home. It looked eerily similar to the last time Seth had been there—the fateful day he picked up Alan for the party. It still looked like it belonged in a picture postcard with the yard freshly mowed, the rose bushes in full bloom, and the picket fence surrounding it all. Painted white, of course.


“Are you ready to go in?” Debbie asked, purposely trying to break up the silence which had turned uncomfortable.


“I don’t know, Mom …” Seth stopped mid sentence and slapped his hand over his mouth.


“It’s ok, kiddo,” Debbie responded as she hugged Seth. “You’re here, where you should be. You’ve been in my home a thousand times before. What say we make it a thousand and one?”


Seth couldn’t help but smile. He had one person who cared about him, a person who had every right to hate and didn’t. He grabbed his duffel and followed Debbie up the steps and in through the front door.


“Should I take my bag to Alan’s room?” Seth asked, as he walked into the house for the first time in six years.


“That can wait,” Debbie answered. “We should celebrate. Follow me.”


Seth followed her into the kitchen. “Have a seat,” Debbie said as she pulled an open bottle of champagne and a two liter bottle of Coke from the refrigerator. She placed both bottles on the kitchen table and retrieved two glasses from the cupboard.


“Your choice, Seth,” she said as she placed the glasses in front of him. “Should we toast your freedom with champagne or soda?”


“Champagne,” Seth answered without hesitation. “It’s been six long hard years. We need to do it right.” He then poured two full glasses, taking one for himself and handing the second to Debbie.


“What should we toast?” Debbie asked.


“To new beginnings,” Seth replied, raising his glass to Debbie’s.


“And to happy endings,” she replied as she clinked her glass against his, watching as he downed the champagne in a single gulp.


“Why did you have to pick the champagne, Seth?” Debbie asked, placing her full glass back on the table.


Seth opened his mouth to answer, but his throat was becoming increasingly tight.


“It’s the poison, kiddo,” Debbie said, noticing his difficulty in speaking. “It won’t take long now.” Seth tried to stand, but only succeeded in falling on the floor, his glass smashing into a thousand pieces.


“I was willing to forgive. All you had to do was choose the Coke,” Debbie said as she watched Seth’s eyes close for the last time. Debbie then waited patiently as Seth’s breaths grew shallow, eventually stopping all together.


Her job was finished. There was nothing else she could do for either her son or his friend. “To happy endings,” she repeated as she brought the glass to her lips and swallowed her own champagne. Sitting down, a contented smile broke over her face. Seth, after all, was right. It had been six long hard years and it was time for her to see Alan again.


June 11, 2022 02:46

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51 comments

Shea West
03:11 Jun 12, 2022

Damn Thom, You sneaky son of a gun. Here's why this story worked so well-- We, your readers, have come to expect a steady feel good to your stories. Yes, some of them have been heavier, but you write with a light tone that makes us feel a little less bad about the terrible. And then, sir you tricked us! And it was abrupt and unexpected and how dare you🤣🤣🤣 Congrats on the rec list. This is meant for the list. You're steadfast in your art my friend, what an enjoyment to read.

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Thom With An H
04:21 Jun 12, 2022

Shea, I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you. I know you know how exposed we feel when we hit the submit button. All of a sudden the story we loved so much seems so full of holes we want to hit delete before anyone reads it, but we are writers and writers write. We leave the story and hope maybe it’s better than we all of a sudden fear it isn’t. Then someone like you reads it and takes the time to encourage and it makes all the difference. Too often we wish for karma because we want bad people to pay. I wish for karma because it means...

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Shea West
16:10 Jun 12, 2022

This morning I'll take any good karma that's available. Thank you Thom.

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K. Antonio
03:07 Jun 14, 2022

Thom, you trickster! Ah, you caught me. I was honestly wondering the same thing the entire time. Like, "Why is this lady so nice??" So I kept reading a long and BOY OH BOY did I not see that ending coming. I thought we were gonna get some heart-felt tale about forgiveness. YEAH, I guess I can forgive you for not doing that... An enjoyable read, worthy of some recognition!!

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Thom With An H
12:29 Jun 14, 2022

K, I view you as one of maybe twenty or so people who are Reedsy royalty. Some make the list because of their talent others because of their kindness. You are on the list for both. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I say it so often, I’m afraid it might lose its significance but it means more than you know. You are my favorite Brazilian by a mile.

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Michał Przywara
20:49 Jun 13, 2022

Love it :) Everything leading up to the celebration is a touching story of forgiveness. Like the guard observed, "how can she forgive him?" Well, it's a very personal loss, and while it might be unusual, it does happen in real life too. So that by itself is already an interesting story. But then the choice. Damn, sent a chill down my spine, because something was screaming red flag about it. And the conviction with which Seth went for the champagne, especially considering his two prior drinking incidents… very well played! But then we g...

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Thom With An H
20:57 Jun 13, 2022

Michael, you are, by a long shot, the best commenter on Reedsy. I know I speak for a legion of writers when I say that seeing your name on the comments is a little like Christmas morning. You got this story so perfectly. You confirmed every thought I had while writing it. In my minds eye I saw both endings I chose one, you identified exactly the second. I’m not sure how you do it but you make stories better with your insights. Thank you for everything. You are a true super hero.

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Calvin Kirby
17:34 Jun 17, 2022

Thom, the reason I won't be using this story this month is because I am using one of Michal's, "10 Days to Mindfulness." You are both great writers.

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Thom With An H
17:36 Jun 17, 2022

I totally understand. I’m willing to share. 😀😀😀😀

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Calvin Kirby
17:50 Jun 17, 2022

😅😅

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15:17 Jun 12, 2022

Very well written story, leading us to believe that this mother had this exceptional strength to forgive the killer of her son, almost unbelievable kindness to lend him a place to live… only to kill him in the end while celebrating new beginnings and happy endings. I’ll be honest with you… your ending was completely unexpected and somehow, as a reader, I felt cheated, lied to. There was no foreshadowing, no little clues along the story to make the ending believable. It was a bit too abrupt, more like an afterthought. Maybe I’m missing ...

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Thom With An H
15:45 Jun 12, 2022

Gabriela, I was told by a writing buddy that twists at the end should be shocking but not unpredictable. I think you are making the same point. I do know that the clues came late but I was trying to include them. The mere fact that Seth was given a choice was supposed to be one. The fact that the champagne bottle was already open was a second. And a small but significant one was hidden in plain sight, the title. In my minds eye I saw Debbie as genuinely forgiving. If Seth had chosen differently I believe she would have loved him like a son. ...

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16:50 Jun 12, 2022

Thank you, Thom, for not getting insulted by my critique. I thought I read the story carefully, but somehow I’ve missed all those clues. I could have praised the story overall and leave out the ending, but it would have been a lie. Empty flattery. As an author, I prefer my readers to be honest, so I could learn from my mistakes. Honesty is the way to go, I think, in our “profession.” We do need need to learn how to do it, in a kind and balanced way. I promise I’ll read every story more mindfully from now on. Take care ☀️

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Thom With An H
17:06 Jun 12, 2022

Gabriela you are a true writing buddy. Comments are meant to encourage, to be sure, but they should also illuminate blind spots and help a writer hone their craft. You are making me a better writer and I hope you challenge me in the future. Thanks!!!

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21:00 Jun 14, 2022

Well, Thom, I read your story again. I see now why I was wrong about the ending. I’d missed all the subtleties the first time. Seth had been a drunk driver and he still chose the champagne over the soda. Then again, who would celebrate anything with soda? Champagne is the way to go, if you celebrate ANYthing. The fact that the champagne bottle was opened was a clue that it had been tempered with. Very suspicious indeed. I missed that important detail first time I read the story. Debbie could have injected the poison through the cork and ...

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Thom With An H
21:28 Jun 14, 2022

Gabriela, you are welcome at my fire anytime. I am touched by your dedication to being a help to writers like me. First of all your first comment was not off at all. It let me know I need to careful to make sure my clues aren’t too subtle. Please keep doing what you are doing. You are what’s right about this community.

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Belladona Vulpa
13:32 Nov 20, 2022

I love stories with a twist like this. I like the theme of forgiveness, the life you breathed into the characters, and the dynamic that you manage to deliver in an engaging way. I love how she gave him two choices, the connection with his alcoholic past, then a double twist, and the hints that you sprinkled all over the story that make the ending make sense.

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Thom With An H
16:55 Nov 20, 2022

I’m so glad you stopped by for a read. A wise person once told me a good ending should be a surprise without being unexpected. You validate that I succeeded. Thanks.

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Ezmari Trevano
02:09 Jul 05, 2022

Um...WHAT? How did you do that?? I completely fell for it! When I started the story, I was definitely a bit confused...something about the prison and Seth and the woman and the vibe...it just didn't feel right to me. But then after a while, everything just started to fall into place-as they were driving, I think. Taking the focus off the strangeness of the relationship and instead describing the scenery and the house was a really smart move. And everything seemed fine, if not a little odd, until the very end. You really did end it well! It...

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Calvin Kirby
17:25 Jun 17, 2022

Thom, you floored me with this one!!! I was so expecting a really good Hallmark ending and got an Alfred Hitchcock tale. You are such a creative writer and I will be using this one with our group in the future. I already have another Reedsy story picked out for this month, but expect an email from me for next month. Great job. Cal

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Thom With An H
17:29 Jun 17, 2022

Thanks so much. You know I love you and your reading group and I am honored you continue to pick my stories. I have a feeling this one will cause a lot of discussion. 😀

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Calvin Kirby
17:52 Jun 17, 2022

Yes, I am sure there will be great discussion. I will be in touch after next week.😀

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Andy Abbott
19:53 Jun 16, 2022

I found it fascinating that you submitted this story in the "unlikely friends" prompt given the ending. Perhaps that's because more often than not, unlikely friends do not, in fact, become friends?

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Thom With An H
19:57 Jun 16, 2022

I think she wanted to forgive. She wanted to reestablish the bond. I think she still cared for him even at the end but as you say not all friendships have happy endings.

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15:04 Jun 15, 2022

What the heck, man. That ending! Somehow this is only the first story I've read of yours (apart from your winner) - boy do I regret that now lol. To have that much impact in so few words is so impressive, honestly. Bravo. :)

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Thom With An H
15:28 Jun 15, 2022

Shuvayon, it’s nice to make your acquaintance. You’ve got a stellar record. Ten stories, one win, one shortlist. It is I who should be reading you. That being said, thank you so much for the kind words. I hope you do read more. I can use all the feedback I can get. I’m also putting you on my reading list. I have a feeling I’ll be very glad I did.

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15:34 Jun 15, 2022

Likewise. :) I look forward to reading more. And thanks - no pressure at all, I'm sure your reading list is extensive judging by how many nice comments are here!

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Zelda C. Thorne
06:44 Jun 15, 2022

Ooooo well executed! I was suspicious all the way through, because I just couldn't accept that she would forgive that. Then, the offer, and I was all Ah ! Don't choose the alcohol! and then the end, well, didn't think it would end like that. Inevitable, but satisfying. Brilliant job.

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Thom With An H
08:27 Jun 15, 2022

Rachel, I’m so glad your spidey sense was tingling as you read my story. I wanted the end to be shocking but if it’s too shocking it almost seems untrue. You validated my intentions as much if not more than my other commenters. You made my day and inspired me as well. Thanks so much.

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Zelda C. Thorne
08:29 Jun 15, 2022

You're very welcome. If you have time, I'd appreciate your thoughts on my story. I'm not sure if it's working...

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Thom With An H
12:00 Jun 15, 2022

It would be my honor. I’ll check it out today.

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J.C. Lovero
02:43 Jun 15, 2022

OMG. My mind is BLOWN. That ending. I will admit, when she gave him the choice, something inside of me turned. Holy smokes. I was expecting something totally different. The way you crafted the story, making us believe it would be a redemption story... so good. I am SPEECHLESS. Kudos to you for crafting such a great piece. Good luck this week! Some lines: Debbie couldn’t help but wonder if this was what Alan would have looked like had he lived. (my heart) It still looked like it belonged in a picture postcard with the yard freshly mowe...

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Thom With An H
08:20 Jun 15, 2022

J.C. I have a confession. I’ve been a budding fan of yours since I heard your interview on read lots/write lots. You have such a compelling personal story that I was a fan even before I read you. I say this because it means so much to have you read and enjoy my story. I, like most writers, struggle a bit with imposter syndrome so I crave honest feedback. It’s even nicer when it comes from someone whose writing I find to be so good. I guess what I’m saying is thank you for taking the time to help a fellow writer want to write. It’s an incredi...

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J.C. Lovero
11:45 Jun 15, 2022

Hi Thom! I find that the imposter syndrome thing is an invisible thread that links all of us creatives together. Just about all of the writers I interact with struggle with it (myself included). If you haven't done so already, check out my story "A Week in the Life of a Reedsy Writer." Basically covers this very subject in a parody-esque way. I think you might like it. I've heard others talk about how wonderful you are, and I can see why with this piece. So so so good!

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Kai Corvus
03:25 Jun 14, 2022

I’m one story away from seriously petitioning for some sort of “best plot twist award” to give out. When I was reading and I was that there was only a few paragraphs left to go, I thought: great! A nice, short, feel-good story that will wrap everything up perfectly! And up until the end, you did a great job writing that! Debbie is an extremely believable character, and I was ready to go on the adventure she takes in forgiving Seth and adopting him as her own. But man, that ending was something. It feels like a story straight out of a tru...

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Thom With An H
12:32 Jun 14, 2022

Kai, you leave me close to speechless which, if you asked my wife or friends, is quite an accomplishment. I am a fan of twist endings but they can be hard to pull off. Each time I try one I am concerned I either made the end too obvious or not obvious enough. Your comment gave me confidence I stuck the landing. Thanks for that. You made my day.

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Yogi K
06:41 Jun 13, 2022

What un unexpected ending! Loved the twist. I am new to this group and this is one of the first stories I read..and loved it :)

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Thom With An H
15:31 Jun 15, 2022

Welcome Yogi. I'm thrilled to be one of your first. This is what Reedsy is all about. Writers finding writers who encourage writers to write. Thanks for your kind words. They mean the world to me.

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Ace Quinnton
23:13 Jun 11, 2022

You can always forgive over, and over...but never forget the actions that have caused you the most pain. For those ones will stick with you throughout life, which could either give you character development or break you down until your mental stability has completely deteriorated. Those are the wise words someone has once told me, and those words seem to apply to this very story you've written here, Thom. Excellent work.

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Thom With An H
15:33 Jun 15, 2022

Ace, you get it exactly. Fiction is always someone's truth. The key is to learn and be better. Thank you for your fantastic feedback.

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Jay McKenzie
08:28 Jun 11, 2022

Ooh, Thom! What a fantastic premise and you've executed it really well. I like that he has a choice and that would redeem him in Debbie's eyes. Would he have lived? Would she? This is a great balance of emotional and dark.

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Thom With An H
15:39 Jun 15, 2022

Jay, I am so glad to hear from a fellow horrible penmanship practitioner. If it weren't for computers I'm pretty sure most people would think I was illiterate. Seriously though, I've seen your name frequently on the recommended list and have made a mental note to visit your page. I'm betting I'll be a quick fan. I also thank you for so succinctly recognizing the dilemma in this story. It affirms me tremendously. Thank you and be on the look out for some Thom on your page. You are on my must read list.

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07:48 Jun 11, 2022

Oh Thom! I loved this multiple crime caper. At the beginning, Debbie appears to be Seth's lawyer or counselor. The reveal that she's the mother of the boy Seth killed in a drunk driving accident amped up the emotional investment. You establish a good connection between the characters; she seems to authentically care for the young man who has grown reliant on her. Then the emotional rollercoaster -- he's overjoyed at getting an early release, then crushed by the realization that he has no one in his life. But Debbie. And, of course, Debbie i...

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Cindy Strube
18:33 Jun 17, 2022

Wow. Yes, I was expecting a warm, cozy, redemption story… but the ending! When Debbie offered Seth the choice, I wondered if the story would diverge. Did not expect the surprise! I’m an O. Henry fan; love twist(ed) ending. Well done!

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Wendy M
20:58 Jun 16, 2022

Brilliant story, great twist in the tail, tale.

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Unknown User
20:13 Jun 15, 2022

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Thom With An H
20:15 Jun 15, 2022

Is that a good or bad thing? 😀

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Unknown User
20:26 Jun 15, 2022

<removed by user>

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Thom With An H
20:32 Jun 15, 2022

Thank you. You definitely made me smile. I hope to hear from you again.

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Unknown User
20:37 Jun 15, 2022

<removed by user>

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Thom With An H
02:51 Jun 11, 2022

I'm willing to listen to suggestions. Let me know where I missed the mark on this one. :-)

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