Battle Of Sogwallow Bog excerpt from Lionhawke, Shatterspike and The Dark Wastes

Written in response to: Write a story within a story within a story within a ...... view prompt

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Fantasy Adventure Funny

(Gracia Gilborn the protagonist and her Immortal guide, Atronus Plumfeather are journeying to the Trial of the four Gods. They encounter a bog on their journey and must deal with a problem.)

          Now I'll admit, as your storyteller I've been skipping the silly horse riding parts as I think they are dreadfully boring. I mean.. how many times shall I describe wispy trees and flowery fields they ride through?  However, the Gods have informed me this particular event  is worth telling. 

        They had journeyed  until they were forced to stop. The road ahead had been washed out by recent heavy rains and a fetid bog was in their way. Apple dipped his hoof several times in the water in distrust, creating ripples over the gurgling dirty waters.  

          Atronus and Gracia watched the waters with arrows ready. It was still, except for a few frogs and bugs. Gracia was slapping away nasty mosquitos. Boonky already killed three of them.

           Atronus threw rocks in various parts of the water for a few minutes. There might be bog snappers or worse,  swamp sacks.

I can't imagine a worse fate than being slurped into a digestive sack by a giant tentacle from under the water. 

              "It's shallow in the center. We must go slowly.  Swords out and ready." ordered Atronus. 

 Murky water splashed as the horses started wading through the sludge. Gracia relaxed when they were nearing the middle. So far so good. Atronus held his hand up high to stop them. 

         The horses sploshed a few times until they were all still. Apple did not like the smell of the water at all. The rotting leaves made the water thick and goopy. 

"What is it, my dear? What do you smell? There’s no apples in a bog, Ol' boy." 

Atronus rolled his eyes in disdain, "Ahh Shit! Just as I suspected, Bogwart trolls."   

   "Eww , disgusting! I remember those creatures from school, Professor Freemok despised them. His mother was eaten by one. 

        One by one the trolls slurped up from the muddy bog, they were outnumbered. Gracia looked at the elder troll with disgust. Sitting on a mossy log, his tongue darted out for bugs while it spoke. 

      His long clawed finger pointed at them while it hissed, "I am Lord Stinkle-Rot. Thiss here is Sogwallow Bog. If you wish to pass, you'll have to pay a toll," it slithered. 

    Lord Rot had a rusted gold and metal crown on its head. Bogwart trolls live for centuries so who knows where it came from. 

   “Yeah,” hissed the troll to the left. “I am Jorgle-Fart. If we don't get no toll 'slither' then we don't eat no..bowls. No wait, that's not how it goes?" 

          "Quiet Jorgle-Fart! No you quiet Stinkle-Rot" The troll leaders were bickering amongst themselves. Gracia had a chance to examine  them while they bickered. Yep exactly like the books. Gracia scribbled in her journal.

Bogwartis Nasticus     Red beady little eyes , bulbous pustule crusted nose, waxy skin, big pointy green ears and a mouth full of very sharp teeth,  Native Syprecian Beasts 101. 

       Gracia thought it was interesting how the mouth always had a wad of bog shrooms never properly swallowed inside, constantly chewing like a cow. 

      "Ohhh,is that delicious, juicy and succulent little kitty I smell. Oh yess yess, it is says I," Pargle-Flort  hissed and slithered its forked tongue.  

"We'll take it in payment for passage through the Sog-Wallow,” demanded Lord Stinkle-Rot. 

They all laughed a ssnickered laugh while their nasty tongues darted out. 

"Yeah I got the hind legs for a stew," said Morgle-Bort. 

"I claim the brain, it's such a mushy texture, we lovess it mixed with mud and bog shrooms. Oh yess yess." slithered Soggle-Toot. 

Boonky peeked her fluffy cute face out of her satchel, "Ror rue meow," Boonky said sadly while holding up her paw. 

"Boonky? Bad kitty. That is very noble of you but  you will not volunteer as tribute," Gracia scolded. 

      Gracia’s voice was confident, "Now listen here you nasty little boogers. What kind of name is Jorgle-Fart?” asked Gracia angrily. 

    It pointed at her,  “Hey! ‘Slither’ I'll have you know that I descend from a long line of important Farts in Sogwallow bog. Mind your manners girl, you're speaking with a Fart!”

Gracia burst out laughing. 

            “I demand you let us pass unheeded or face punishment, Lord Stinkle-Rot,” Gracia said disdainfully. 

     They all ssnickered and hissed in unison, nasty slithering tongues darting out. 

"We outnumber you 20 to 2 ,and for your insolence to his lordship Stinkle-Rot, we demand one delicious kitty Kat, one leg and one arm.” demanded Troggle-Shits.  

"Seemss a fair price, yess yess." They all jeered in unison. 

"Whyss we have only legs and arms? I need more brains for me mush cakes. I say we kill them. yess." 

They started bickering again. 

        Atronus had stepped off his horse and splashed into the muck. He  waded over to Gracia. Leaves were stuck all over his high boots as he sloshed through. 

          The ancient warrior raised both hands in respect.

"Good noble trolls of Sogwallow Bog! I apologize to his most gracious majesty. “ He gave a bow. 

“I will offer you this delicious fat kitty in payment plus the priceless trinket in my pocket." 

Gracia opened her mouth in disbelief. 

"Atronus? How could you? I can't believe you're going to sacrifice my darling Boonky. She was finally trusting you!" Gracia pleaded with tears starting. 

Atronus winked at her. 

"Oh yess yess. I love sparkly things! Givess uss it.” Lord Stinkle-Rot demanded.

Atronus opened Boonky's pack sadly, "Rawr meow?" said Boonky with loving blinks.

          Atronus was silent in sadness. He gave a kiss on Boonky's pink nose, "I'm so sorry kitty, it's a cruel world. " 

"Meow Meow,” Agreed the cat. 

      Gracia was fuming at this betrayal. She clenched her fists tightly around her sword. She was furious so she may be able to beat him. 

"Why does this asshole keep winking at me? I'm about to kill him!" Gracia thought.  She noticed he and Boonky were whispering. 

“Rawr Meowking  RAR!” Cursed Boonky. 

      Boonky pushed a fire crystal bomb in the air with her paws. Atronus grabbed it and threw it hard at the troll lord. It screamed in pain as it melted to the log. 

        With a flurry he began hacking and slashing his foes while they were momentarily stunned; they got furious really quickly. I can't imagine anything more terrifying than glowing bog troll eyes. The trolls were slashing at him , then ducking back under the muck. 

        Bogwart trolls have nasty sharp claws and infectious teeth and they intended to use them. Atronus was slashing claws and limbs as the trolls tried to attack. His silver blade swished so quickly it was a blur. 

           A bogtroll came from the depths and sank its fangs into Atronus' leg.  It ripped violently trying to find an unarmored spot.   Atronus yelled in pain as its fangs started to break skin, dropping his sword trying to pull the beast off. 

"Get off me you disgusting filth!" Atronus raged. 

“I AM BEOWART!” the muscular troll hissed

           He grabbed it by the ears and pulled it off, breaking some of its teeth to bloody stumps. 

“How's about I serve some of your brains as mush cake huh?" 

Atronus opened both hands and slammed them against the troll's soft skull ,squirting brain goo all over the place.

" Thatss disgusting! I have troll brains in me mouth!" Burgle-Butt hissed.

Atronus took a knee wincing in pain, searching for his sword. Gracia was busy chopping as well when she saw him go down.

        He was in grave danger now. A slash sword twirled through the air and cut off a head about to bite him.  Gracia was now standing in the muck. Water was just high enough to flow into her new black Corinthian acro-boots. 

        Her Battle buckler was out and blocking claws while her right hand slashed. Eventually the bog was red with troll blood. Gracia finished her slaughter masterfully. "Wess are defeatedss RUN!" 

         The few left crawled through the muck frantically escaping. Atronus stood up and notched an arrow and loosed it into a troll's back; sloshing into its watery grave. Another troll was scurrying away. Yet another arrow loosed into the running troll's nasty looking ass. The troll splashed around in the water in pain. He loosed his second and hit the creature in its coiled penis. The troll hissed in even greater pain with two arrows in its groin.

        "I'm in too much pain. Gracia..sweet bean. Kill this piece of shit and let's be done with it. Damn this hurts. Why don't you try Botomis’ Crossbow?”

"Ohh, I like that idea." 

          Gracia grabbed a bolt, the weapon pulled back on its own. The lever was pulled and the bolt soared at ludicrous speed. It sank into the last troll's chest nicely. The bog filth was shaking as it looked at its mortal wound. The soul crystal sparked.  The troll's  chest started to glow , almost instantly it exploded into chunks. 

“Wow. That was awesome,"said Gracia. 

       Gracia helped Atronus back on his horse. It was hard finding her blade in the muck, it appeared about eight twigs away. She learned two valuable adventurer's lessons that day. Don't throw your blade where you can't retrieve them easily. And don't almost  step into a… 

"SwampSack!" yelled Atronis. 

         A big mouth tentacle slurped up from the muck and grabbed an injured troll, slurping its legs first into its digestive sack. The troll struggled but its arm was sliced off.

“Oh Noss. I'm gonna end up as Swampsack shit!” hissed Poorgle-Toot. 

“The Toot line is dead!” 

The troll was sucked down into the acid sack. Its hunger was satisfied, slowly sinking down into the bog. 

           Gracia refused to camp anywhere close to this nasty place which meant they had  a ways to go before there was a good clean spot to camp.

February 23, 2023 00:20

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