Not So Sublime

Looking back, the date?—it was doomed from the start. Shouldn’t I have known it wouldn’t end well? Just by the way he asked!

Here is what happened.

An old childhood friend contacted me via social media, made the appropriate introduction after not having seen or talked to each other in thirty five years. He then gave the usual invite to meet for coffee. We never did.

A month passes, as months do and with it another contact. This time from him stating” it’s my birthday on Saturday and I want you to go to dinner with me.”

Notice, I said “ stating” not “ asking.”

So, I decided to go. I knew better.

I knew better!

What came next was definitely the worst date I have ever had. I’m 45 years old and this was totally my fault.

Because I should have said no.

He called and texted before he arrived

because he couldn’t find the address.

So, he was late.

He arrived with flowers.

Good!

He didn’t smile.

Not good.

He showered attention on my dog

but said nothing about my outfit, hair or house which I spent all day slaving over.

He looked terrified ( I’m a red head)

and gave me a lukewarm hug.

Not the, I’m so happy to see you after all this time reunion, not at all.

It gets better.

Turns out, he looks nothing like his social media profile so it’s quite astonishing. At this point, I feel like I opened my door to a total stranger.

He had lost maybe a hundred pounds and seriously my coat rack is fatter. I don’t trust a man I can lift with one arm. Also, he is wearing a black toque and suspenders paired with a wool coat. It is all very confusing and he appears like someone on the most wanted list.

Off we go to the restaurant.

He gets road rage. In a town the size of a postage stamp, traffic is light but that doesn’t matter. It’s who he is.

At this point my thought is....

I’m not starving to death - do I really need to do this ?

I have a cereal collection!

I do not need to do this!!

Arriving at the restaurant, he does open the car door so my terrified, confused heart really warms at this point!

Fast forward to him showing more interest in the blonde waitress and her behind than me, the appetizer arrives.

Great!

Things are moving along. I’m looking for exits and wishing an urgent call would come in to interrupt this dreadful date. No such luck.

He serves HIMSELF and starts to eat.

I wait.

I wait some more.

Two minutes passes. I notice he’s left handed and comment on it. He continues eating. Still, I wait. I’m so patient!

Then he says....

Don’t let me stop you from eating.

This date- it was not so sublime.