How I almost died in a coffee shop

Submitted into Contest #63 in response to: Set your story in a coffee shop that’s just introduced a new line of autumnal drinks.... view prompt

15 comments

Adventure Fantasy

Today was supposed to be a normal day. I was supposed to go to "Brew-ha-ha" the best coffee shop in town. They were just releasing their autumn themed drinks, and I needed me a limited edition pumpkin spice latte.


I was supposed to walk in, all cute in my Ugg's and flannel, and flirt with the cute barista that always worked on Tuesdays. I was supposed to sip on my drink and stare out the window at the leaves that were falling before leaving to head to school.


I wasn't supposed to be almost blasted to pieces by a sorceress.


It started as it should, I walked in, got my coffee. The barista greeted me with a bright smile,


"Hey Jade, I assume you're here for the pumpkin spice latte?"


I smiled and nodded, everyone who worked here knew me (and my order) very well. I started on my DELICIOUS drink and watched people walking by in the streets. That's when things went wrong. This girl walked in. Let me tell you, she looked like she had come from a gothic castle or something. Black leather pants that were ripped, a black corset type shirt, and a black leather jacket. Lots of black, ew.


I got this weird feeling as she stepped in, a sort of fluttering in my chest. I chose to ignore it and continued sipping on my coffee.


She had deep green eyes and so many piercings, she wouldn't need to wear a reflective vest if she worked in construction. Anyways, her (you guessed it) black hair was in this intricate braid and her eyeliner wings were big enough to fly her away. She walked in and glared at some random dude in the corner. He also looked like he belonged in the dark ages, probably just a bunch of weirdos.


I got this weird feeling when she came close to me, a sort of fluttering in my chest. I chose to ignore it and continued sipping on my coffee. They didn't stop their little glaring contest and I decided that I didn't care and paid no mind to it. That is until the chair flew across the room.


I screamed and jumped out of my chair, I had spilled my coffee! Who in their right mind would throw a chair across a coffee shop, unless there was something wrong with their limited edition pumpkin spice latte. Now that I can totally relate to. Not that I've done it before or anything,


"You really think you could hide from us Orian?"


The boy she had been glaring at stared her down, an evil grin on his face. I was getting annoyed. They were obviously my age, and as a senior in high school, it was kind of offensive that they were throwing temper tantrums and playing dress up. In a public place.


"Oh no darling, I was hoping you would find me, I've missed you."


She clenched her fist and unsheathed a sword, a freaking SWORD. Where did this person come from, and where did she get that thing? It almost looked real! She stepped closer to him and my eyes widened, electricity was swirling around the blade. These effects were flipping awesome! Maybe they were Halloween costumes, I guess it would make sense because October was fairly close,


"I suggest you surrender now, we aren't playing your games anymore."


He clicked his tongue, it was one of those moments where you felt like you should have a bag of popcorn,


"Dear Ani, you know that you aren't going to beat me."


These people were committed, I had to say. I almost expected a dragon to fly out of the sky or something. She glared at him and I tried to sneak out of the shop before she tried to use that cosplay sword thing. I had things to do and I didn't want to spend my time watching teenagers act like preschoolers.


I was almost there. About two feet away from the door, but apparently, the boy didn't want me to get out. He thrust out his hand and some kind of energy pulled me back. I yelled out as my body flew through the air, I landed with my neck in his hand. Struggling to break free of his hold,


"Let me go, I don't want to be a part of your freak show or whatever this is!"


The girl ran forward and swung the sword in the air, Orian or whatever his name is, dodged it easily. Throwing a chair at her, she sliced it in half like it was butter. My mouth fell open, holy heck that thing was real?! That's when I got scared. Suddenly, she did some weird gesture with her hand and I swear my legs almost separated from my body.


The spot in front of Orian exploded, I was thrown backwards, directly into the wall. Slamming my head off the stone and falling onto the floor with a cry of pain. I dragged myself out of the line of fire and ended up by a table. I stared at the two of them fearfully, my vision getting hazy. I had just managed to sit myself upright, when the girl, Ani, I think her name was, raised her arms.


If you've ever heard the term "your life flashes before your eyes", that's what it felt like. Wind whistled in my ears and I cried out as everything in the shop was lifted up and started spinning around the room. In a sort of hurricane motion. A metal chair leg scraped across my head and I fell over, feeling blood trickle down my head. What I thought was some weirdos arguing, turned out to be some magical thing that was so far out of what I thought I knew.


Weird pulses of energy were being thrown back and forth between them. I struggled to make my way to the door, but the whole shop was basically a vortex of wind and flying tables. I saw everyone else that had been inside were all hiding behind the counter. Not sure what to do. When I reached the door, it was jammed shut. Frustrated, I stood up and hurled a chair at it with all of the energy I could muster. Naturally, the chair broke, and the door remained stuck.


I turned back to the two people, I could curl up under a table and hide like a coward. Or I could try to help. It was obvious that Orian was the enemy here, and Ani was facing him all by herself. I squinted and forced myself through the wind. Trying to figure out how I could be a help to her. What happened next, would forever change my life. Orian swung his arm around his head like he was holding a lasso, and threw his arm out in the direction of Ani. I saw a gold streak of energy rushing towards her, it resembled a knife.


I leapt forward, using all of my strength to get me through the power of the wind. With a yell, I threw my hand out attempting to shield her somehow. When I did, a powerful force shot out of my hand and directly into Orian's chest. He yelled out and there was a bright flash of light and a high pitch wining sound. Ani and I were blown backwards by the energy. Flailing in the air and back on the ever familiar ground. Ani was up first, she was clutching her arm. There was a gaping wound in it.


Looking at me she spoke surely,


"Jade."


She said it as a statement, not a question. I nodded, my head was pounding and my ears were ringing, she sighed and held out her hand,


"Thank God I found you. Come with me, we've been looking for you."


I guess I wouldn't be getting my pumpkin spice latte.


October 15, 2020 21:30

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15 comments

Charles Stucker
04:01 Oct 16, 2020

Today was supposed to be a normal day,- End with a period, it's a complete sentence. This girl walked in,- complete sentence I didn't care and payed- paid He thrust out his hand and and some - either this was an oversight and you remove one "and" or it was deliberate and should be "and... and" You have a LOT of run-on sentences. Your quote, "Thank God I found you, come with me, we've been looking for you.", is three sentences lumped together with commas. Check where you use commas. Try replacing a comma with a period. If both sid...

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Vameerah Darren
12:14 Oct 16, 2020

Thank you for the feedback! I will work on that, I'm new to writing so I'm just getting a feel for it :)

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Charles Stucker
18:55 Oct 16, 2020

Yes, NOW the protagonist has agency. Good work.

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Vameerah Darren
19:06 Oct 16, 2020

Thank you so much for the help !

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Anii ✨
13:08 Oct 22, 2020

Hey there! I'm Anvi, your critique circle partner. Your story was really great! I love the twist so much! This was a really nice and informal story, and I really enjoyed reading it! The only problem is grammar like Charles mentioned, and to be honest, the way you introduced the sorceress seemed slightly cheesy. No offense, though. Despite that, this story is really great, and you did a very nice job on it!

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Vameerah Darren
16:35 Oct 22, 2020

Thank you so much for the feedback, her entrance is supposed to be like that based on Jade's personality. I'm kind of new to writing and grammar is not my strong suit. I'm working on it :)

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Anii ✨
19:18 Oct 22, 2020

Oh, okay. And don't worry! This was still amazing!

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Elle Clark
19:48 Oct 20, 2020

Love a good urban fantasy! Very intriguing ending - I’d love to see more in this universe!

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Vameerah Darren
21:39 Oct 20, 2020

Thank you so much!

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00:59 Oct 18, 2020

It's interesting, with enough going on to captivate the reader easily from the start. The foreshadowing is good--with skilled reading we can see that Orian and Ani are fighting over Jade. With the character Orian, were you trying to spell the constellation? Orion? (just a random note--it doesn't matter to the story. :P) The other note I have is that Jade's use of magic is rather spontaneous. I am unaware of how magic works in that story universe, but it will come across as random to the reader. You can fix this by scattering subtle ...

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Vameerah Darren
03:34 Oct 18, 2020

thank you so much! No his name is correct :) I'll work on that

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11:25 Oct 18, 2020

Ok, cool. :) I just noticed the similarity and wondered if you were naming him after the constellation. XD

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Vameerah Darren
13:21 Oct 18, 2020

LOL yeah, autocorrect thought the same thing XD

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13:26 Oct 18, 2020

XD

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Cam Croz
01:59 Oct 20, 2020

I liked this story! It's very interesting and I love fantacy! Keep writing practising!

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