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Creative Nonfiction

   Femi,do you remember that night ,do you remember how cold it was ,how dark and quiet. Do you remember how the tension between us was so thick ,almost solid. I remember every single bit of that night , it keeps replaying in my dreams every night I close my eyes to sleep. That night used to be the best night of my life ,it still is but I don't want it to. I remember how intensely you had stared at me that night ,how dark your eyes were , I remember standing so close to you ,studying every single bit of your handsome face. I remember every single detail,but I can't remember how fast it happened, the kiss,that kiss that changed everything between us . We transitioned from friends to lovers with that single kiss. That kiss was like wine ,sweet red wine. It was the best kiss I ever had ,but I wish I never drank from you that night ,sometimes I wish I pushed you away. That kiss was like a spell, I became obsessed with you, I put you first before me, I loved you wholeheartedly ,I neglected my friends ,I neglected every error you erred. I kept mute when I should have spoken out loud. I loved and cherished you so much ,you became part of me. I let you neglect me too the same way I neglected myself because of you. I tried to understand you every single time and never said a word. I was scared that if I said something you would live me. I ignored every sign, every thought, I tried to trust you wholly even though I had trust issues. I just wish I did things right. I wish I never kissed you or loved you ,or even met you. You took me for granted and did as you wish ,because you knew, you knew the effect you had on me. You knew you couldn't leave and I couldn't. But I did ,didn't I ? ,I did leave you. I got fed up and seeing you with another girl was the last straw that broke the Camel's back. The last throw that shattered my heart ,you had been throwing and throwing ,making cracks in my heart before it finally shattered. 

 I still think of you every day , that one night and that one kiss. It was magical ,I felt the magic , you never felt anything anyway . I was another random girl running after you because of your good looks. I was another random girl you would let go if you found someone better. I was another random bimbo. Maybe I behaved like one anyway I blame myself. I should have just let you go ,I saw the signs but I never wanted to believe you could do such. I knew what you were ,but I wanted to believe that you were always thinking about me like the way I did about you and still do. It's so sad right ,I hear your voice in my dreams. I close my eyes during the day and try to imagine the times we spent together. I like to think about the first night we kissed mostly. Sometimes I wonder why you kissed me with so much passion if you never loved me ,maybe it was because that night was Valentine's day and" love was in the air". You hurt me but I still love you ,but I won't run back. I am going to wake one day and find out I don't love you anymore. And I will find someone better because I deserve someone better.

February 13, 2020 21:43

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