The wrinkle on your face

Dev looked out the window from his classroom while his economics lecturer went on endlessly. He wanted to just be done with his class so that he could go back and catch up on some sleep. Not that he was lazy but he hadn’t slept well in days. He was unable to sleep without waking up in fear every 2 hours. 

Nights started becoming dreadful for him now. The same dream haunting him over and over again. He didn’t know what else to do than just get used to it and ignore it for eternity. So much had gone wrong in his life making him alienated from his family, leaving him with no friends and making him feel like he was all alone in a whole galaxy of stars. 

The chalk piece hit him on the forehead lightly when the Prof threw it at him. He had to turn his neck around to shift his gaze from the beautiful view outside the window to the godforsaken class on capitalism that day. 

It wasn’t all that bad. In fact, it was a wonderful subject to talk about. But just not for him as he amassed no interest in it. If his dreams haunted him in the night, his econ classes during the day and his wretched life altogether taking him down, one day at a time. 

“Do you have even the slightest of idea about what is going on in the class?”, asked his Prof finally after she had his attention. Dev just nodded in dismissal and he said he would pay attention from thereon. 

He observed the board and noticed that there was just one line written on it and it said, Capitalism sows the seeds for its own destruction. He had heard that before. He had seen it before somewhere. Oh yeah, Bojack Horseman. A series on Netflix that had an episode where one of the characters wanted to burn down Disneyland but he doesn’t, as he says that “Capitalism sows the seeds for its own destruction. It's a snake that eats itself. It's only a matter of time!" and walks away whistling. 

This thought somehow stuck with him. A snake that eats itself? What could that possibly mean, he thought to himself. 

It was the dream again. The dream of a weirdly young man with a face full of wrinkles with the voice of a boy. But what was his econ professor doing in the dream? Why was she sobbing and sharing something with a heavy heart to this wrinkled boy? He asked himself that after being awoken by the dream again. He looked around and saw his grandmom’s picture next to him on the table. What a beautiful smile she had, he thought in his head. 

He decided to sleep back and he was tired of these dreams haunting him every night. Why couldn’t it all just go away? he thought and rested his head on the pillow. The dream restarted just a few minutes after he fell asleep. 

The wrinkled boy, for some reason, had a very familiar voice. Dev, in his dreams, watching it as it happened in his mind, felt some connection with the wrinkled boy but wasn’t sure of who he was. 

The next day Dev decided to drop by his Econ professor’s department as he was, for once, genuinely curious to understand this whole snaking eating snake thing. His Econ professor slid down her glasses in surprise looking at Dev in her department and asked him to take a seat. 

“I know I haven’t been a great student or even a good student but I’m sorry for my absent-mindedness in your classes. I just feel so lost at the moment and not even sure why. After my grandmother passed away, I haven’t been feeling myself lately and I’m just, I’m sorry. Ahh, yesterday, in class, you mentioned the nature of capitalism and I was wondering if you could tell me more”, asked Dev in discomfort second-guessing his decision to walk into the Prof’s chamber. 

“Have I ever told you why I love economics?” asked the Prof. Dev nodded and raised his eyebrows. “There are a lot of sciences that talk about humans and our behaviour. But economics, I feel is the most truthful of them all. It’s all about cause and effect, you know, just like life is in itself”, said the Prof looking into Dev’s dark eyes. 

“I read this in a book once”, she continued and quoted from the book 

As a being of Power, Intelligence and 

love, and the lord of his own thoughts, 

man holds the key to every situation, and

contains within himself that transforming 

and regenerative agency by which he may

make himself what he wills

“James Allen wrote this in one of his books. Ever since I read it, there’s almost nothing else I am able to think about and ponder over”, she said breathing out hard. “Why don’t you give this a thought and I will tell you more about capitalism same time tomorrow in the Department?” she asked Dev in a way that she was informing him. 

Dev didn’t really have a choice other than to agree and he walked back in confusion. Somehow what she said had made sense, entirely. It probably made sense to him because of the dream. The dream of his wrinkled guy. 

The story of the wrinkled guy always had the same central plot but it felt like it happened in different places every time with different people. The boy was once cursed. He was cursed to bear the burden of everyone’s pain. People would come to him, share their pain and would feel magically healed after sharing it with him. Every time he heard a story that was sad, he would end up with a wrinkle on his face. 

That’s how he had countless inseparable wrinkles although he was still very young. But every time he did an act of kindness, for every act, a wrinkle would vanish, making space for the next one to settle in. 

He didn’t want to stop listening to people about their lives, although he could have. People could just magically go back to their lives feeling all strong and equipped after they shared it with the boy. 

And that’s exactly where the dream would abruptly end for Dev every time. When a new wrinkle would set on the boy’s face and he would weep looking at himself in the mirror out of pity. 

“Marx, Karl Marx, predicted about 150 years ago that the competition among capitalists would grow so fierce that eventually, most capitalists would go bankrupt and only a handful of monopolists would control all the resources and production. The former capitalists would then either become part of the increasing labour force or would become unemployed. This mismatch in the economy, in the long run, would cause so much disparity that eventually the economy would get into a recession and depression. 

The more wealth capitalism creates, the more contradictions and conflicts it gives birth to. And that’s how a shark eats a big fish and the big fish eats a small fish and a man then eats that small fish. That’s all that’s capitalism is about.” said the Prof leaning closer to Dev’s chair in her chamber. 

But think about it this way. Opportunities only come to those who knock on it, grab it by the handle and make it theirs. Only the best make it to the top and the rest remain in mediocrity. Personally, I don’t think the small fish will ever have a problem with men eating them. In fact, it feels comforted knowing that it has to end up on a pan someday and just passes days in the water swimming away. Being mediocre is a choice. Feeling like you are just a small fish is a choice.” 

Dev sealed his lips up and gulped in his own breath after he really understood what that meant. He remembered the wrinkled boy and his face suddenly flashed in front of his face as though he was with them in the chamber. 

Dev kept thinking about what his prof said and fell asleep without even him noticing. Falling asleep only meant that he would go back and see the same dream and just in a different place and wonder who that boy really was and why he was haunting him. 

This night the dream somehow felt different. This time the boy was crying. The tears were trying hard to make way their way through his cheeks with all the wrinkles and lines he had. The lady next to him tried to wipe his tears as he said, “I wish for this pain to go away. The pain of listening to everyone’s sadness, grief and heartbreaks. I can’t do this anymore. I want to give up”. 

The lady wiped his tears gently and stroked his hair. She held his face and looked into his beautiful eyes amidst the innumerable curves on his face and said

As a being of Power, Intelligence and 

love, and the lord of his own thoughts, 

man holds the key to every situation, and

contains within himself that transforming 

and regenerative agency by which he may

make himself what he wills

“Dev, you took on the curse so hard, for once you didn’t try to escape it. For once you didn’t realise that every wrinkle that rejoices on your face is not because of the curse but because of your belief in it. Now only your complete belief can make this go away and only you can liberate yourself from the curse. 

It is not the act of kindness that makes the wrinkle go away but your belief that you did something to help someone and made someone’s life better. Your mind, all along, has been the actual curse, Dev, and not the curse”. 

Dev gasped for breath and woke up when he realised that he was the wrinkled boy. He reached out to the water bottle on the table and gulped it down entirely without a pause. He called his mother and cried his heart out. Although she didn’t understand why or what, she felt worried but said nothing. 

Dev walked into the cemetery and sat in front of his grandmom’s grave for half a day in silence. Just before the sun was almost going to set for the day, he opened his lips and said “I am sorry that my last words to you were telling you that I hate you. I don’t hate you and I never have and I never will. If only I knew that those would be the last words I would get to say to you, I would have held your hands, kissed them and told you how much I love you. I would have brought you your favourite dessert and fed it to you with love. I know it took me months to come to visit you after you passed away but I was too burdened by the pain that I was the reason for what happened to you. 

We are related by blood but not by destiny. That, we make for ourselves. We could be living under the same roof but we don’t have to walk the same path. We make our paths. It is up to us to build or dig. 

I hope you are peaceful where you are now and will love me the way you always did.”

That night he slept. The wrinkled man had a clear face. It was him all along, carrying the weight of his thoughts and pain. That night he wept. He wept in happiness that he loved his grandmother ever since the day he opened his eyes to the world until she closed hers.