Asian American Fiction Mystery

It was Annie’s 13th birthday, and her mom, Jennifer had planned a birthday party for her. ”happy birthday my dear Annie!” said Jennifer,” Thank you, mom, I'm so excited for the party!”, said Annie, “ what gift do you want this year?”, asked Jennifer, “ oh mom, I want a chariot doll.”, answered Annie. “ wait, a what doll?”, asked Jennifer, confused. “oh, a chariot doll. I saw it in a thrift store next to the park!", replied Annie. “ oh wow! that sounds wonderful!" said Jennifer, "oh mom, how I love the red, glistening of its eyes" Gushed Annie.

After a few hours, it was time for Annie's birthday party. She waited and waited and waited, but no one came there, Annie was devastated, as this had never happened before. “oh Annie I didn't know that this was going to happen. But I'll try to ring everyone”, said Jennifer. 

Jennifer tried to call on everyone's phone but no one would pick it up and soon Annie started to weep. Just then an idea popped up in Jennifer's mind. “well, I might have something that would cheer you up”, said Jennifer.

She bought a box in front of Annie. “what’s it this box mom?”, asked Annie sadly, “ open and see it for yourself.” replied Jennifer, confidentiality. When Annie opened the box, she found a cute, white, hamster with red eyes.

Annie named her hamster Hazelnut. She loved her dearly. Annie was really happy that she got a hamster, but still, deep inside Annie really wanted a chariot doll. so one fine evening Annie took all her courage and went to her mom. “mom, I really want a chariot doll.” said Annie. “ oh but I already got you a hamster, didn't I?”, said Jennifer. Annie said “ I know mom but”, “no buts dear.”, said Jennifer.

Disappointed Annie went back to her room. She thought to herself the chariot doll was the only thing in this world that could satisfy her. She took hazelnut in her hands and started talking to her.

“Oh hazy, you know your eyes remind me to the chariot doll’s eyes.”, suddenly hazelnut bit Annie on her finger, and started running to her mom’s room.

Annie followed her. Finally hazelnut sat on an envelope under Annie’s mom’s pillow. She was curious. 

 Annie took the envelope and almost opened it when her mom came in. “Annie what are you doing?” Asked Jennifer. Annie quickly put the envelope under the shirt and replied, “ oh nothing mom, I just came here to get hazelnut.”. Annie laughed nervously. She took hazelnut and went to her room. Annie sat on her desk and opened the envelope……she found cash around 500-600 dollars.

The next day Annie went to school. During her algebra class A.K.A THE most boring class, Annie saw something that sent a chill up her spine. She saw a woman wearing a black cloak and her eyes, deep bloody red, no whites, no black pupil, standing out the window. No one seemed to notice but the next thing she saw terrified her, the woman was crying blood.

The class ended and it was recess,

Annie was terrified eating her French fries, as she was watching the woman examine a pen like she had never seen anything like it before. The woman noticed Annie staring at her, and started rushing towards her. Annie woke up, startled, with her face red and sweaty. She was still in her algebra class on the last bench where she barely sat.

the class had ended and it was time to go home. Annie had brought the envelope filled with cash that she had found under her mom’s pillow. Annie knew what she wanted to do though it was wrong. Annie usually to the bus to home but today she too a cab from her school to the park. She arrived at the park to buy the chariot doll, but there was one problem,

the shop was gone.

Annie searched and searched but se could not find it. Finally she gave up and decided to go home. when she reached home she saw something very strange. Right across the street, a shop with grey, greasy walls and a huge broken window. it looked like the shop had been there for years, but it hadn't.

Annie slowly walked up the greasy stone stairs with moss all over them and entered the shop. 'DING!' the bell sounded. There was no one in the shop, it seemed like the shop had been abandoned. Suddenly..... 'TRING! TRING!' 'TRING! TRING !' ..... the phone rang. Annie almost had a heart attack. the phone rang for a while and Annie picked it up,

a squeaky voice spoke, "the noble one must die." and just like that the caller hung up. Annie was petrified se ran back home.

when Annie went back home, she thought she was going to get scolded for being late but everything seemed to be normal, her mom sitting on the couch watching her favourite soap opera. and her dad was not one so he probably was at work. Annie greeted her mom and went to her room and saw the clock, it was just 1:32 around the time she usually came back home.

Annie opened her curtains and saw a piece of paper in her balcony, she picked it up and saw, with terrible handwriting, a message that terrified her.

{Should I post part 2?}


February 26, 2022 03:06

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Advice And Tips
08:46 Mar 02, 2022

Awesome story


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Hey there:) Great bone-chilling story! I loved it a lot, and would love a part 2! One thing is to watch out for grammar and how you present your characters. And who was that strange women I wonder? Maybe some more details? Other than that it was very different which I enjoyed:))


Luna Silvermist
13:24 Feb 28, 2022



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Luna Silvermist
03:42 Feb 26, 2022

Hi! It would really be appreciated if u could drop some feedback :)


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