Was you ready?

You hear the faint conversation downstairs between your parents at your door-frame as they try to convince each other that you are ready to do this. You knew they didn’t want you to but they understood that you had to do it at some point. You on the other hand was conflicted. You didn’t know if you were ready or not but you knew it would be good for them. Besides you needed to go through your adulthood and face the obstacles ahead on your own without your parents. At this stage in your life you knew it was time but you were only making it hard for yourself because you’ve not been far from home before. Despite being the new owner of a house in an amazing part of where you live you were trying your best at all costs to avoid leaving your birth home. 

You take a deep breath as you over think the current situation that is happening. You know you shouldn’t be but it’s a bad habit that you have that isn’t good for you health. But as you stand there in your bedroom you cannot help but feel guilty. You know you shouldn’t be but it’s there sitting in the pit of your stomach eating at your nerves as you try to forget about it. You try and try but it wont leave your mind no matter what you do. You need to let this go they will be okay. Merlins beard you’re 25!!!  you don’t need the company of your parents anymore!! You tell yourself trying to convince yourself to move. Once again you were stuck in a mind against heart situation but this time you didn’t know what to do. Fighting with yourself isn’t easy, you second guess yourself to the point where you feel nothing but shame.

Many deep breaths and conversations with yourself later and you still haven’t made any progress. Being attached to a place with a lot of memories from years of a happy life with a happy family sure does feel like you’re being shot with a dozen rounds when you have to leave it all behind. You could always come back to visit in a few months you tell yourself. You know you could, but you didn’t want to be anywhere else. You felt as if your mind had somehow convinced you that you needed to stay but your heart was telling you to go because it was the right thing. You get off your bed and walk to the window and stare out of it as if in your own world just like you did when you was a teenager needing to escape the world. Were you sure you wanted to do this so sudden? Was you ready to say goodbye to all of this?

As the time passes while you stare out of window, hoping you would wake up from what seemed surreal, your mother comes up behind you and gently caresses your shoulder. That was her own way of letting you know that everything will be okay and that she will support you through whatever you choose to do. You close your eyes for a brief second and look at your mother, you saw the sadness yet happiness in her eyes you also noticed how red her eyes were. You still felt guilty about this but you finally gave into your heart’s mind so you give her a slight nod indicating to her that you’re ready. As she leaves your room you take your time leaving, looking around as much as you can, as if it being the first time being in there you try to remember all the memories you had in there all at once. You feel a warm stream flow down your face since it was a huge change for you and your family and the first milestone into your independent adulthood. 

You knew you couldn’t depend on them forever and you hate the thought of you sponging off your parents when you know you have the capabilities to do it on your own. After a long process of digesting it all you take a deep breath and close the door behind you, holding onto the doorknob a little longer. It’s now or never i suppose. You managed to walk down the stairs without second guessing the huge choice you just made, you walk down the hall to see your parents standing at the door. Not being able to tell if they were upset or happy but you know for definite they were happy that you are becoming the adult you are meant to be. You knew this was the right choice for you, you knew you could handle it but you were scared of disappointing them. They give you reassuring hugs and you try to implant this moment in your mind so you never forget it or the loving touch of your family who have supported you through every choice you made. You take one last photo together as a happy family to cherish the moment. You were definitely going to frame this when you arrive at your new home. After your overwhelming goodbyes you step out of the door. The one question that consumed your mind  Are you ready for what lays ahead? Spoke directly to you as you answered a silent yes. Yes you were. Suitcase in hand you head to the station. You was ready to have a life of your own.

Dragging your suitcase down the road approaching the station you allowed a smile spread across your face while your eyes smiled in their own way , allowing the stream to flow down your red flushed cheeks you replayed every special memory of being with your family allowing you to reminisce it all while sitting in your compartment flicking through all those memories you had gathered. You can finally admit you were ready and happy you did because without the support of your family you wouldn’t have made such a choice.