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Funny Bedtime Contemporary

Will This Day Ever End?

By Heather Ann Martinez

Supermarket Apology

If you were at the supermarket on Lake and Fourth at two o’clock, I really want to apologize to any of you who were injured or had fruit thrown in your face. I know some of you can relate to having a day that never seems to end. This one is definitely that for me.

Some Back Story

My name is Abby Trait. I’m married to Syler and we have five daughters and two sons. Syler and I are selling our house, moving in with my parents until our new house is built. Did I mention my parents were only able to give up two bedrooms and one bathroom in their seven bedroom house? The other bedrooms look like museums dedicated to the 70’s and 80’s. Syler works in the city. He has to wear a clean, pressed suit every day to go to his job. My job is a little more casual in dress code, but I still like to dress professionally. My parents are retired and spend a lot of time at the golf club with their friends. If we are in a pinch, they will babysit our kids. Unfortunately, we are in a pinch today. More unfortunately, my parents aren’t available. So, I brought all seven children with me. I couldn’t cancel all of my appointments.

Moving Confessions

I am fortunate that most of my co-workers work remotely. I settled my kids into an empty conference room, and I worked at my desk periodically checking on them. Normally, they are well behaved. The summer, however, has had them cooped up in the house with grandparents telling them not to touch anything in several rooms of the house. As if this weren’t enough, we are also moving to a new home with most of our favorite toys and clothes in storage tubs and boxes. It is not just the kids that feel displaced though, Syler and I do too.

Syler said the new house would be ready by the end of June. Now, the contractors have said maybe August or October being the latest. We still haven’t sold our old house. Our potential buyers keep finding things wrong with the house. This morning, the husband said that our kitchen floor is too uneven. He rolled a marble down one end to the other. I told him I never noticed that. Of course, I never rolled marbles on th floor from one end to the other. I didn’t let the kids play with their marbles or blocks in the kitchen. They had a drawer full of plastic pots and pans and fake eggs and bacon. I couldn’t understand how or why this man felt the kitchen floor was too uneven. Was he planning on sleeping on the floor? I asked him if he had any other concerns and he emailed me his list. I read through them and frowned. It was only nine in the morning. I was so ready to put this day behind me.

Marathon Run and Work Fridge Confessions

No sooner did I hang up with the potential buyer did Syler text me. He left his tie on the train and forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. The owner of the dry cleaners was angry we had not paid our bill. He wanted cash on the spot or he was going to toss our clothes! I ushered the kids out of the conference room. I drove to the bank to get cash, stopped at my parents’ home to grab another tie, and I drove to the dry cleaners. I paid the owner, and I took our dry cleaning. My sons kept kicking Syler’s pants as they were sword fighting behind my seat. I met Syler at the train depot to give him his tie so he could attend the luncheon with his client. I went back to my office and settled the kids back into the conference room. I bribed them. I begged them to be quiet and I tip toed back to my desk. I was already exhausted and it was eleven o’clock. I packed lunches for the kids before we left the house, but I forgot to pack something for myself. I rummaged through the fridge and found a jelly doughnut and two cream cupcakes from the birthday party two days ago. Was I supposed to be dieting?

Of course, there were also the low cal no taste diet drinks at the bottom of the fridge. I decided to grab one of those too. I went back to my desk. I responded to my emails, made phone calls, and left messages. I looked up and the clock on the wall seemed to move ever so slowly. My stomach started gurgling. I was still hungry. I went back to the fridge and guzzled a second diet drink not realizing the first one stained my blouse. The second drink stained my skirt and some of the jelly doughnut remained in my hair until I showered the next morning.

Seven kids

There are days when bribing your kids just doesn’t work. My oldest boy decided to pick a fight with his younger sisters and they went running through the supermarket. They stepped on toes, pushed people with the shopping cart, tossed apples and grapes at one another and the mortgage lender called. We failed to make a payment in the process of moving to my parents’ house. I cried in the middle of the cereal aisle. I couldn’t see where the kids were, and I had to negotiate paying this bill. I knew we didn’t have enough money to pay two mortgage payments. Syler was counting on this luncheon with this client to tide us over until we sell the house. The mortgage company agreed to wait another day before adding fees and potentially ruining our credit. Syler called a bit later. The client signed the contract for a September start. He suggested we ask my parents for a loan to get us through the summer. He told me I was going to have to swallow my pride. He reminded me we have seven kids.

When this day ends

When this day ends, you will find seven kids in five beds and two sleeping bags fast asleep. You will find Syler asking my parents for a loan in the kitchen over tea and crumb cake. You will find me in the bathtub sipping a glass of white wine and eating slices of a store bought frozen pizza. Of course, as I was about to take that wonderful greasy last bite, my cell phone rang. It was our potential buyer again. He said the hallway closet was too close to the master bedroom and wanted to know if we could have it moved five inches in the opposite direction before we closed. I told him I would talk it over with Syler and get back to him next week. Will this day ever end?

June 26, 2021 02:28

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