Broken

This was my life. A lady in waiting, only worthy of being met with closed doors and blind eyes.

 My life was predictable and there was rarely a deviation from the script. Every morning, I woke up to my husband staring at me longingly awaiting his bride to acknowledge and serve him. It brought him joy to see me give him the very little I possessed. The first fraction of my energy and my very first hello every morning went to the one who I had made a lifelong deal with. I then prepared myself to be trapped in a metal box that was working against gravity. As it levitated, my stomach always flipped and the blood rushed from my head forcing me to close my eyes to avoid a sudden onset of dizziness. I found refuge in tapping my fingers against my legs as I sat yearning to be released from the restraints of these walls. After an eternity, the elevator doors opened and I rushed out onto my floor. 

I got here every morning an hour before everyone else arrived. I was a leading expert in my field and prided myself on punctuality. Much of the work I do in the office mirrors what I do at home. That being, making sure the men in my life don’t have meltdowns by ensuring they have coffee, food, and enough time to play with their adult toys. I spend my entire day ironing clothes, stapling papers, cleaning, scheduling meetings, and remaining invisible to those I’m serving. I’ve forgotten how to do anything else outside of being an assistant. Today was no different, other than the fact that I had forgotten my lunch at home. 

As usual, I waited at the elevator for Tom to arrive. He came in late every morning, but I still greeted him with a smile and his cup of black coffee. 

“Morning Tom!” I handed him his cup.

“What’s the schedule for today?” he barked without looking up from his phone.

I ran down the laundry lists of meetings he would mindlessly attend that day while trying to keep up with his long strides. His phone interrupted my stage time just before we made it to his office. Just as he answered his phone and warmly greeted the CFO of Procter & Gamble, he closed the door forcing my separation from dreamed success. 

I arrived at the courtyard just before a line formed at my favorite food truck. My favorite table gave me a view of cars and bikers bustling by. Men in freshly pressed suits and their phones glued to their ears skipped down the sidewalk. My first bite of my empanada filled my mouth with tender, cumin-flavored beef accompanied by the suttling flavor of the white stringy cheese. The crust crunched with each of my bites and after three minutes of pure bliss the only remembrance of my empanada was the oil glistening the tips of my fingers. I sat staring at my hands trying to hold on to this moment as long as I could when I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around quickly, hitting my knee against the bench table and wincing in pain.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” he held his palms up to show he was unarmed. “I was just wondering where you got your empanada from”

“The truck over in the corner” I exhaled. I looked up and fell deeply into his enchanting eyes. They were a calming, but bold forest green with burning gold engulfing the rim of his irises. His pitch black hair sprang from his perfectly sculpted head in thick loose spirals that fell just above his shoulders. His powder white skin was poreless and without blemish. 

“You’re Leanne from the seventh floor, right?” His mouth widened to reveal his teeth that were somehow whiter than his skin.

I nodded and sat up straighter.

“How did I get so lucky to run into the company’s saving grace? I’m Sam. I’m just a floor beneath you in the sales department.” Sam said.

“Nice to know I’m the talk of sales.” I blushed.

 For the next hour, we twisted our way through conversations of the company’s pitfalls and wasted potential. 

“I’m assuming Tom has never told you how valuable you are?” he glanced at my wedding ring “or anyone else for that matter.”

I stared down at my ring watching the rays of sun bounce off the corners of my princess cut diamond. 

“Do you know that you know more than anyone in this building? Do you realize all the potential that’s waiting on the inside of you?” He stroked my chin, gently lifting my eyes to meet his again. “Why don’t you do something for yourself for once, Leanne?”

“Like what?” I asked. My eyes began to swell with tears before one escaped. Sam caught my tear with his thumb and softly wiped my face.

“All of the things you’ve ever wanted to do. Starting with me” he held out his hand.

My legs seemed to float as I kept up with the long strides of Sam’s legs. I looked up at his hair bouncing just above his broad shoulders. I lost track of the turns we made, but we ended up in an elevator that took us to the top floor. We stepped out directly into an office with panoramic views of the city. I walked over to the desk and brushed my fingers lightly across the wood that was coated with a gray finish.

“I’m assuming you aren’t in the sales department and you’ve lured me to a place I’m not supposed to be.” I spun around in his chair slowly, taking in the details of the room.

He approached me from behind tucking my hair behind my ear and gently whispered, “Your wisdom is striking”

The next moments were filled with bites of his fruity flesh and his sweet venom filling my insides. My body transcended forcefully, leading me to weld my eyes shut, as he roped me into his embrace. When I opened my eyes again, the sky was lit up with lights from the city. I stood and moved closer to the windows. 

“Promise me you’ll always choose you from now on.” He stared into me. 

“Deal” I exhaled. 

I managed to find my way home and parked in my driveway. I sat in my car looking at the peeling paint on my front door. It was the middle of the night and the only sound outside of my breathing was my windshield wipers violently swatting rain from my windshield. I shifted my gaze to the rearview mirror and was struck by my appearance. For the first time I was seeing myself with open eyes. Each time I glanced away from the mirror, the image of my face appeared vividly in my mind. I remembered the way my body looked in my favorite dress. I could see every crease, every hole, every moment from my life right in front of my eyes.

I felt shame, excitement, anger, and then there was nothing. 

I felt nothing when I walked through the pouring rain into my home. I didn’t feel a twinge of my husband’s sorrow the next week as he knelt on his knees begging me to stay. I was unmoved by Tom’s rage following his termination. My threshold for excitement and joy rose to a level far out of reach leaving me unwilling to celebrate my promotion to the position that was once Tom’s. The dreamed success that was now my life had nothing but a bottomless hole to fill. 

My first and last encounter with Sam was now four months ago. After our exchange, he left the company without providing a way for me to contact him. In four months, the name Leanne felt unfitting for the person I now was. Night after night, I lay awake waiting for something to stir in my body. For an ounce of feeling for anyone or anything. This night began no differently. After I showered, I assumed my supine position on my king size bed and let my mind begin to explore the depths of humanity.

 My husband left me with everything, the house, bank accounts, and even our German Shepherd. As I started to dive deeply into our relationship that once was, I began to feel the blood rushing through my vessels. At the same moment, tears began to pour from my face and puddle on both sides of my pillow. I felt a chilling heat surge through my core. 

There was a soft knock coming from downstairs. The knock was soft enough to barely be heard over my thundering heartbeat that filled my ears. As I made my way down the steps toward the front door, the knocking grew in speed and size. When I opened the door, there he stood unblemished and perfectly sculpted. 

I fell into the arms of the man I once called my husband and I felt him cling to me tighter than I could ever cling to him. 

In his unrelenting grip, I felt a peace that I could never explain.