Mean, Green Suckers

Lucas thought his friends, and teacher, were joking when they said Mr. Howard Alcott volunteered to be a chaperone on their field trip to Pure Pine National Park; Mr.Alcott's ideal trip is visiting an art museum, not getting his shoes dirty outside. He said so himself two weeks ago.

Pure Pine National Park is a popular tourist attraction in upper Wisconsin; the place is more beautiful in the springtime. That's when the vibrant flowers bloom, the leaves on the trees are greener than ever and the fresh smell of the river dances in people's nostrils.

While the science teacher rambles on about pine trees, Lucas' attention is drawn to Mr. Alcott, who is squatting close to a patch of sapphire flowers with a thick black book in his hands; Lucas slips away from the group and tip toes to Mr. Alcott.

"Hey, what are you doing, Mr. Alcott?" He asks quietly.

Mr. Alcott scoffs; a bright ray from the morning sun sits on his silver hair and mustache, making it shimmer.

"What are you doing? Shouldn't you be listening to Mr.-what's-his-name?" Mr. Alcott whispers.

"It's Mr. Cook, and please tell me you're doing something more interesting than talking about pine," Lucas says.

Reluctantly, Mr. Alcott motions Lucas to squat down next to him.

"See this flower?"

Lucas nods; the sapphire plant is big as a rose.

"Well, this beauty can cut off blood circulation if someone eats it."

"How'd you know?"

Mr. Alcott points to a page in the black book and starts to read.

"The Marinitus Ulbai is among the deadliest plants that originated from the Congo; the bright color of its petals is similar to the Azura Limetate, a flower known for its healing properties, which often confuses the host."

Lucas raises his eyebrows.

"Neat."

"There's more," Mr. Alcott says raising his pointer finger, "Once ingested, tiny spores are released into the blood stream and clogs the red blood cells ability to release oxygen, causing painful suffocation for the host."

Lucas shudders.

"Ouch. Is there a cure if a person ate this?"

Mr. Alcott smiles.

"You won't like it."

"Try me," Lucas replies confidently.

"Coffee," Mr. Alcott says, "A big, hot cup of coffee."

Lucas chuckles in disbelief.

"You can't be serious," he says.

"No, really. Recent study proves it can violently break down the spores."

Lucas looks at the cover of the black book. POISON IN PLANTS: NATURE'S DEFENSE, it says.

"Thanks for that enlightening lesson, but I'm gonna pass," Lucas says standing up, "I'll just smile and nod my head during Mr. Cook's lecture."

Mr. Alcott scoffs.

"Wow, you're seriously gonna pretend what I just told you wasn't cool?"

Lucas shrugs; he can't lie to Mr. Alcott about his feelings.

"I just don't see what's so interesting about plants, like what's the point of knowing this stuff?" He asks.

Mr. Alcott squints his brown eyes at Lucas. Is he for real? He thought.

"So, besides the fact trees gives you oxygen, medicine, a house and food on the table, there's no point in learning about them?"

Lucas' cheeks grows warm.

"I mean, uh, besides the obvious," he stammers.

Mr. Alcott slaps his knees and stands up.

"You know what? Forget Mr. Cook, I'll be your teacher for the rest of this trip," he proclaims.

At 11:00, Mr. Cook takes the group to an algae covered pond full of lily pads and frogs hiding underneath them.

"This pond may look gross, but it's actually the perfect habitat for the amphibians," Mr. Cook explains.

At the left side of the pond, Mr. Alcott aggressively waves Lucas to come over; rolling his eyes, Lucas slips away from the group; it's a good thing Mr. Cook is near-sighted, otherwise Lucas would've been busted.

Six feet away from Mr. Alcott is tall, orange grass sprouting out the water.

"What's this one?" Lucas asks.

Without warning, Mr. Alcott grabs Lucas' wrist, preventing him from moving.

"Careful, you don't wanna step on that sucker," he warns, "That there is a Grains De Mort. Seeds of Death in the English language."

"Seeds of Death? That sounds like a cheesy weapon supervillians use," Lucas jests.

Mr. Alcott hands Lucas the book.

"Read the paragraph under the picture," he says.

Lucas begins reading.

"Grains De Mort, French for Seeds of Death, are water based plants that come into full bloom every five years; when crushed by an unsuspecting human, or large animal, it releases seed sized spores that enters through the nose, eyes and ears. Once inside, the spore slowly eats away the brain and seals the sinus channel of the nose, suffocating the host."

"Can you imagine?" Mr. Alcott asks in awe, "Something so ordinary like tall grass eating your brain like a parasite."

"That's crazy and an embarrassing way to die," Lucas states, "Imagine reading someone's autopsy and find out the cause of death is grass."

"Ah, ah, poisonous grass," Mr. Alcott says a-matter-of-factly, "There's a difference."

Lucas chuckles. "Still embarrassing."

"We're moving on, everyone!" Mr. Cook calls clapping his meaty hands together.

"This isn't over, dear boy," Mr. Alcott says, determined.

It's now noon and Mr. Cook goes on and on about pine trees, desperate to get even a small hint of interest from his class. During his lectures, Mr. Alcott would pull Lucas away and show him more lethal plants.

"Argitim: the yellow devil," Mr. Alcott reads from the book,"Instead of suffocation, this flower creates hyper realistic hallucinations the drives the host into aggressive madness, which ultimately leads to the host committing suicide."

"Dang, that's messed up!" Lucas exclaims, "An ity bity flower can do all that?"

"If untreated, yes," Mr. Alcott says, "Strong antibiotics cures it, though."

The Argitim is big as a sunflower with white seeds in the center and a darker shade of yellow.

"Come on, there's still lots more," Mr. Alcott says playfully punching Lucas' arm.

"I hate to say this Mr. Alcott," Lucas says, "But having an hobby like this is how serial killers are born."

Mr. Alcott laughs mockingly at Lucas.

While Mr. Cook and the eighth graders gaze over a tall hill overlooking the vast, lush park, Mr. Alcott and Lucas are carefully searching through thin bushes for a hot pink flower that looks like a tulip.

"There it is," Mr. Alcott says pointing at it, "Some botanists calls it Pretty Little Pyscho."

"Why?" Lucas asks.

Mr. Alcott turns through the pages, until he comes to a full stop at Chapter 30.

"Rosado Diablo is an indigenous plant usually seen in South America; its bright color attracts prey to eat it, unaware that it completely seals the airways of their lungs."

"This is pretty cool," Lucas admits, "But what will I do with all this information? I doubt I'll come across a poisonous plant in the suburbs."

Mr. Alcott sighs.

"Have you ever seen any of those birdwatchers?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Well, think about it. Why do they do it? It's because they like birds; birdwatching isn't gonna pay the bills, but people do it because it's an interest they have. This is one of my interests, Lucas; I've always been fascinated with how something so beautiful, and fragile can have such a complex, and sometimes violent, ways of protecting themselves," Mr. Alcott explains, "Plus, it teaches me how much effort God put into creating these plants."

"Hey, wait, you said you'd rather watch a movie in standard definition, than spend the day outdoors," Lucas recalls.

"Yeah, outdoors like camping; there's no working toilets, drinkable water and a bear can eat me," Mr. Alcott clarifies.

Lucas nods; that makes more sense, he thought. Learning about the poisonous plants has been enlightening to Lucas, but his opinion still stands. Maybe it'll help him with a test at school, or something.

"Alright, I see your point," he says.

"Everyone, listen up!" Mr. Cook yells, waving his hands in the air, "We'll be heading back to the bus now and I really hope you guys have better been acting like real scientists because you're going to write a two page essay on what you've observed during our trek!"

The students groan in unison; Lucas laughs in disbelief. Learning about those mean green suckers proved to be useful.

Mr. Alcott smiles mischievously while crossing his arms.

"So, how about we do some review during the ride back? Hmm?"

THE END