I Know.

“You know it’s illegal for you to smoke that right?” The brunette asked, motioning vaguely at the cigarette pinched between the blonde’s lips.

“Yeah? Are you gonna tell on me? The gas station guy didn’t seem to care that I’m not twenty-one.” She responded, wisps of smoke escaping her lips and floating into the night sky.

Leaning over, the brown-haired woman plucked the cigarette from the blonde’s fingers, leaning against the taillight of her partner’s truck. Pulling one of her knees up to her chest, the other remained dangling off the tailgate, foot tapping the air to some silent rhythm.

“I care though, Vick. So you can get your fill of these sweet little cancer sticks somewhere else.”

Vicky scoffed and rolled her eyes as she brought her legs up onto the tailgate, ready to stretch them out across her girlfriend’s lap, only to hesitate and simply rest her chin atop her knees. Blowing the last bit of smoke from her lungs out of her nose, Vicky side-eyed the woman beside her.

“I’m only a year off, not like it’s that illegal.” She huffed, glancing over at the bright fluorescent lights of the gas station.

Vick had pulled some ways away from the storefront. Watching the bugs swarm the bright lights made her thankful for that maneuver, as well as the fact that the shadows did a good job of hiding the reddened rims of her eyes. Although, she doubted it was a secret that she’d cried, even if it had been silent.

“Belle, are we gonna talk about it more or …” Vicky trailed off, arms wrapped around her legs.

“Well, you’re the one that’s always been good about getting us to communicate. Even if you hide all your own stuff.” Isabelle breathed, leaning her head back to blow a cloud of gray smoke into the air.

Vick winced slightly at Belle’s words, leaning against the hull of her truck as she looked away. Staring down at the rust flaking off around the wheel wells, the blonde reached down to pick at it as she spoke.

“I can’t just forget the first nineteen years of my life. It’s not very easy to unlearn to hide all my problems.” Vick husked, her throat sounding dry. “And it’s not like I haven’t been trying to do better. I talk to you about the little stuff. Like when my mom bugs me. You know, shit like that.”

“And I appreciate that, Vicky. I do, really.” Isabelle leaned forward to rest a hand on her partner’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll always listen whenever you need to talk about something like that. But when there’s something big going on… Something you might be better off sharing the load on, you can tell me.”

Isabelle remained leaned forward for a time, blue eyes studying Vicky closely before she sighed softly and leaned back, bringing the cigarette to her lips once again. The two remained mostly still for a while after the brunette had spoken, neither speaking a word, leaving the cold silence of the night unbroken.

“Do you remember about three months into our relationship, when we were at my parent’s cabin and we were fishing off the dock? We caught like what, one sad little fish?” Belle asked, nudging Vicky’s foot with her own.

Looking up from the riveting show of rust flakes falling to the dirt, the blonde turned towards her girlfriend, green eyes sullen but still twinkling beneath the stars.

“Yeah, we spent like forty minutes there before giving up and just laying on the dock to hand feed those stupid little bluegills.” The corners of Vicky’s mouth quirked upwards ever so slightly as she spoke. “We even managed to practically pet a few of them didn’t we?”

Isabelle laughed at the memory, extending a leg to push it into Vicky’s lap before responding.

“We did yeah. And you would flinch every time one of them took the bait from your fingers.”

Letting her legs slip back off the edge of the tailgate, Vick fought the smile that tried to appear on her face, failing miserably before shaking her head in defeat. The display earned a laugh from the brunette, who pushed herself forward to shake her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“There’s that million-dollar smile!” Belle practically cheered, pulling herself closer a moment later to kiss Vick’s cheek.

Without letting the dust settle, Isabelle shifted to properly sit beside Vicky.

“Oh shut up you dork. It’s so crooked it should be in prison for like, I don’t know, racketeering or something.” The blonde rebutted, only making Isabelle giggle more.

The pair’s sounds of joy slowly silenced, leaving them in comfortable silence. Looking up at the night sky, the brunette leaned against Vicky, tossing the mostly burnt-up cigarette onto the dirt before sliding partially off the tailgate to grind it out with her heel. Laying down in the bed of the truck as she sat back down, Isabelle glanced at her girlfriend who remained sitting upright.

“I’m not mad at you, you know? And I’m sorry if I seem frustrated with you at times too. It’s just-” Belle started, getting interrupted before she could finish.

“I know. And it’s okay, I get it. You don’t need to explain yourself. I imagine it would be pretty upsetting to get shut out when you know something is wrong.” Vick admitted, laying herself back to be beside her partner. “And you know I’m trying, right? It’s just, really hard sometimes. Feels like I’m pulling teeth sometimes just to admit something is wrong.” 

Isabelle gingerly intertwined her fingers with Vick’s as the blonde opened up, rubbing her thumb across the back of the other woman’s hand. And after Vicky finished, Belle rolled onto her side, ignoring the feeling of the grooved metal digging into her ribs. Laying her head on her arm, Belle gazed at Vick, even though the blonde continued to stare up into the sky.

“I know… I also know that if you put your mind to something it inevitably happens. But for the time being, if you ever feel ready to talk about, anything, I mean literally anything, I’m here.” Belle hummed, smiling to herself as she buried her face in Vicky’s neck.

Scrunching up at the feeling, Vick fought the urge to giggle from her girlfriend’s eyelashes tickling her neck, only for the damn to break as she thought of what to say.

“I know. But more importantly, do you know … That I’m gonna make you pick up that cigarette butt before we leave?” Vick deadpanned as she turned her head to lock eyes with Belle.

Staring at each other for a time, the two eventually broke down into laughter. While snickering, Vick rolled onto her side to better pull Isabelle into a hug, tucking her chin atop the other woman’s head. Listening to the distant buzz of insects from the gas station and the occasional pop or crackle of her old truck settling, Vick let her eyes drift shut. It had been a rough night at the start for them both, but in the end, wrapped in each other's embrace to escape the crisp night air, even if it was only for a little while, it was alright.