Boom! Wait for it... Wait for it... "WHAT ARE YOU DOING XANDER! …WHATEVER I DON'T CARE, BUT YOU BETTER STOP!" My apologies, that was my brother Charlie. My name is Xander and I am talking from Earth 2. Also, I don't have a hobby. I know what you're thinking. How do you not have a hobby? I know right everyone does. Anyways let me tell you my story. Buzz! Buzz! Went my phone. It was Percy calling. I was about to pick up my phone, but I realized it was out of charge. By the way, I'm going to go to his house today for a sleepover. "Xander, it's time to go to Percy's house." said Mom. I checked if I packed everything and replied " Alright I'm coming." Mom took the keys to the car and said, " Charlie, I am going to go drop Xander at Percy's house and I will come back. Don't touch anything in the kitchen meanwhile." "And anything in my room," I added. Charlie agreed and said bye. We then went inside the car and mom started the car’s gravity-defying engine. Our car is very old. I mean the front light doesn't work and all the seats except the driver's seat are either torn or very old looking. I asked Mom if we could use Our new car, a brand new Gesla Viper 30 GX that runs on air molecules, but she said no. Once we arrived 12,000 feet above Percy’s house (did I forget to mention that our car flies). Mom said bye to me and dropped me out of the car. I mean literally, I was free-falling through the air, but I did have a parachute made of carbon fiber. I safely landed and went inside. Everyone gave me a warm welcome and we decided we would eat dinner and then play. Dinner was 4 homemade macaroni and cheese pizzas ( macaroni and cheese on pizza) along with pasta burgers ( burgers with pasta inside it). Dessert was the mouth-watering Neapolitan ice cream that had 5 layers and was topped with mini cookies, a big Hershey's bar, and white caramel sauce. After dinner, I told Percy all about how the latest hobbies I tried( which all obviously failed). Then he showed me his latest invention, the heat gun, which is designed to achieve plank temperature or absolute heat. We then talked about school, which was starting 2 days later. We played some Then Jack, Percy's older brother taught us about how the excessive use of batteries in a car can cause the car to explode. The topic was so interesting that I could quote everything Jack said in record time. Percy was so amazed at my ability to quote Jack. Afterward, we all decided to play Ticket to Ride, a 3d game where you try to reach your destinations through VR. We played until it was so late that Percy's mom had to tell us to sleep, so we got dressed and went to bed. Percy's bed is the coolest bed anybody could have. It's a bunk bed that becomes any color you want, but the best of all is that it has a heating system under the mattresses. I slept on the top bunk and thought about whether or not I would ever get a hobby in my life, but the heating system, but me to sleep faster than I thought that they would. The next morning I woke up and did the things everyone does ( use the restroom, brush my teeth, and change into a different pair of clothes). Percy and I were going down to eat breakfast and then it struck me my hobby was learning! That was the reason why I was so into the topic Jack was teaching us. After breakfast, we played a little TechCraft and Yortnite on Z Box( a gaming console with 3d effects) and Mom came to pick me up, so I said bye and went home. I told Mom, Charlie, and Dad about my new hobby and they were all ecstatic. The rest of the day was boring, I just finished heeds of homework and I finished a book called War and Peace, The Revolution. The next day I woke up 15 minutes late, causing me to skip breakfast and realized that it was pouring outside. As quick as a cat I put on my rain jacket and ran to the bus stop though it was raining. I was so near, but the bus was about to leave, so I sprinted Splash! I just slipped in a ginormous puddle and I watched the bus leave as I was on the ground. Then I realized how dirty I looked. I was drenched from head to toe mainly water but some mud too. Oh! how much I hated getting wet. I knew I wouldn’t have enough time to go back and change, so I reluctantly started my journey to school again. I finally arrived right on time and luckily some of the rain had cleared off the mud that was on me. My teacher, Mrs. Smith was usually a really kind person, but she was really grumpy today, causing her to assign a lot of classwork and homework. Oh God all I ever asked was a good day at school! I somehow managed to complete some amount of work and then she announced that I was time for recess. Though it was indoor recess Mrs. Smith had to go for a meeting, so we were the only people in the class. As soon as the teacher left the classroom the school bully named Mike came up to me along with his gang and mockingly said, “ Did you at least get a hobby now? “ I replied, “Ya I did.” I suddenly hesitated and thought If I tell him my hobby is learning then he and his dumb gang might call me a nerd. I quickly said again,” My hobby is running.” Then as quick as I could, I sprinted out of the classroom and to the bathrooms. Mike told his gang not to follow him and ran after me. I made it safe because I got to say I was fast, but Mike on the other hand was fat and was caught by Mrs. Doris ( the worst teacher ever that even Mike was afraid of). I enjoyed watching Mike getting caught and sent to the principal’s office. I then ran back into the classroom and acted like I was doing some homework. Ring! Ring! The bell rang and Mrs. Smith came back, a little less grumpy this time, and told us to finish up our assignment that she just assigned. I finished up the assignment quickly, but I was so furious because she assigned 31 assignments and not even half the day was done. I understood that I hated doing assignments, but learning was still my hobby. The rest of the day was filled with assignments and getting punched by Mike, who obviously got into trouble, but decided to get into some more trouble. I took the bus home and decided that I hated learning too. Will I ever get a hobby!
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4 comments
This has a great start and I like the setting, I like the way he mentions things that are out of the ordinary to us. Your description of the school was spot on, as was that of the bully. To make your story even better try adding a few paragraphs in your writing as it could appear too long to people, if they see lots of text in one block. Also, there was a part where you forgot a full stop and it was a bit confusing, so be careful with your punctuation.
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Thank You very much for the suggestions and compliments. Also can you please tell me where the punctuation was incorrect?
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This is where I got confused: "We played some Then Jack, Percy's older brother taught us about how the excessive use of batteries in a car can cause the car to explode." If you put "We played some, then Jack, Percy's older brother...." or "We played some. Then Jack, Percy's older brother.." this would be a little less confusing. I hope that this helps!
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This helps a lot! Thank you very much and next time I will try to make sure that I don't make the same mistake. :)
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