It wasn't always like this, the wrenching sobs non existed, the vacant stares and the stoic poses simply an abstract concept. The house used to be full of light, the drapes were always open, sunrays bath the entire place, warm and soothing.
I remember the first time I came to that place, my new home. I was excited and nervous, didn't know what to expect, but if it was anything like this petit precious girl, then I had nothing to fear.
We used to run around the living room on endless afternoons, drenched in playful energy, amazed at the connection we had.
And it was perfect like that, just the two of us, together, always together. We would eat together, watch TV together, nap. Oh, the napping was amazing! We were napping royalty, her warmth was all I needed to fall into a blissful dream. And I really thought she felt the same towards me, that I was enough, that my warmth was able to light her soul the same way she did mine.
Because I always knew she was not completely happy, that something was always missing. Her smile sometimes, without a reason stop reaching her eyes, and she had these trembling seconds where she smelled so scared. Something seemed to be hunting her, if that something was on her head or an actual living creature, that was beyond my understanding. I hated those moments, I felt like I was falling her. I was supposed to keep her happy at all times, always smiling, always present.
The only thing I was sure of was that it was my mission to take care of her, to fill her spaces, to make her smile as wide as I can. I needed to pour light into her darkness. I just simply had to try harder every day. My whole existence revolved around her happiness, and I was more than ready to follow my fate. I was born to be hers, to support her no matter what. She was my everything.
I remember clearly the day we fell, the day it catches on us. It took me by surprise and fill us out with dreading anxiety. I was waiting for her to get home, I´ve been thinking all day about new ways to make her smile, new tricks to light up her spirits. It was a good week, she seemed better, less guarded, more attune with my giddiness.
Suddenly she stormed into the house, pale as a paper, gasping for air, eyes rimmed red. At first, she didn't even look at me, and I instantly knew something was wrong, I was always her first thought upon arriving. She was shaking like a leaf, little spasms filled her whole being, her petite frame seemed smaller, her shoulders were hunch and her anguish was contagious. I started running in circles trying to catch up on her, letting her know I was there, that whatever happened she wasn't alone to confront it. I will always be there, always.
Clothes were scattered around her room, she was preparing a small bag with essentials. Out of nowhere, she stopped moving and looked at me. The sorrow in her eyes had my heart beating a million times faster, her distressed evident in her whole being. That's when I knew, it was here. Whatever we were running from, had caught up with us. It was here, and I could hear her silent screams in my sensitive ears.
I wanted her to know I was there, for whatever she may need me, I will help her run, I will help her fight. I was all in, always. She seemed to understand my silent prayer, I know she could read the pleas for help in my eyes.
We looked at each other for a second, for an hour, for an eternity. And I could pinpoint the exact moment she realized she wasn't alone, she wasn't running away on her own, it wasn't just her this time. We were in this together, always.
She was crouching to look at me better, eye to eye, soul to soul. I could feel her remorse, for putting us in this situation, blame filled her scent immediately. Sweet girl, she just couldn't understand that I would follow her to the ends of the Earth. I was hers, always.
After a mutual and silent understanding, she continued to gather her things, I tried not to get in her way as much as possible, and at the same time be as close to show my support. It felt like a lifetime later, when she stopped, a duffel bag in her right arm, my bag on the other. We were running away, and I was up for it. Whatever she wanted from me, she could have it.
We both looked around one more time, this was home, this was the place where our story began. Suddenly, millions of memories from every corner invaded me. I heard her signing, a deep puff of air escaped her lips, and I felt her doubts like they were my own. She didn't want to leave, I know she was happy here, even if the darkness was always lurking on us, we were really happy. But at the end of the day, it was just a place. Home is not a house, home is not a bed or a favorite toy. She was my home, and I was hers.
I remember how close we were, just a couple of seconds and we would have been free, everything was perfect. It was scary, yes, but it was also exciting. I was so happy to know she trusted me completely. Now I knew for sure, my mission was being accomplished, she knew I was there for her, that I would never leave her, that I would fight along with her if needed.
I was in her arms, her hand on the knob, resolution in her eyes. It happened so quickly, I could barely react. The door was ripped open so abruptly that to me it felt like a bomb. In seconds we were both on the floor, our bags open and our most valuable objects scattered all over without mercy.
There it stood, the lurking darkness, I didn't have to look twice to know what it was, just the idea had been hunting us long enough to recognize the scent of evil, hatred, and thirst of vengeance. It was so much bigger than us, so powerful and unbeatable. It wasn't a fair fight, but most things in life aren't.
It was on her in a second, pulling her hair up, tilting her chin so she would look at the eyes of evil itself, it mocked her with a silent snarl. I wanted to run away, to hide as far as possible from this being, but my love and loyalty from her would always be stronger.
We both fight so hard, with all our strength, with our souls, and the love we had for each other. It was a lost battle from the beginning, we both knew it.
Nature did not give me the ability to see colors, but the last thing I saw before closing my eyes forever, was the rainbow of her eyes looking at me, a silent apology for what was happening but also a fervent promise to continue our bond in the afterlife. Darkness had won in this lifetime, but I was sure we will see each other again. My commitment to her ran beyond the reality we had to endure. Always.