9 comments

General

You stare at your feet, kicking at the white tile floor. Although your blue mask is on, people still scowl at you with narrowed eyes when you begin to have a coughing fit. You can feel something liquidy slowly crawling up your throat, but you ignore it, assuming that it's your saliva. 

'Hey, uhm... can ya stop coughing?' Says a boy next to you, his nose wrinkled. He's avoiding your eyes, and you feel like he's being rude, so you don't acknowledge him. This is a hospital waiting room after all. 'There are worried people in this room, includin' me, and we don't need ya to make our anxieties worse than they already are.' He tells you.

'Nah... I'm good. If you want though, you can get out. This is a hospital after all. So, I'm here for a reason.' You snap back, rolling your eyes at this ludicrous boy as you begin to cough vigorously once more, into the crook of your elbow as your father has always taught you. 'I'm wearing a mask, so I don't get what the problem is.' You begin to wheeze, trying to get air into your system as an intangible, enormous, weight starts to thrust itself into your windpipe and lungs. 

You see as the boy's countenance grows concerned instead of enraged. 'Are you okay?!' His honey brown eyes widen as he notices something on your face. You can feel something liquidy slide down your cheek. 'Doctor! Nurse! Anyone! This girl needs help right now!' He yells, brushing his straight ginger hair behind his ear. 

'Wait! What's wrong? What's going on, did I do something wrong?!' You begin to mutter, staring at the boy as he grabs you, cradles you in his arms, and brings you up to the receptionist's desk. He smells like vanilla and lime, which comforts you a bit, but you are desperate to know what is going on.   

The receptionist, who has thick, red-rimmed glasses, and is writing on a little slip of paper, and every time she scribbles something, she throws her straight brown hair over her shoulder. She sounds uninterested as she speaks to you and the mysterious boy holding you. 'What do you need?' She asks, her head now turning up to look at you. When her gray eyes fix on you, her eyes widen. 'Oh, my lord... God, please help her.' She whispers, giving you the look that someone {who loves animals} would give a dog without a leg. 

The boy glances at you, and you start to feel weak as you lie in his arms. 'Yeah, she needs as much help as she can get.' He tells the receptionist, watching you.

'I'm very sorry, but we're packed, so you might have to go somewhere else because she needs immediate medical attention.' The receptionist tells you and the boy. 

He nods, running out of the building. 'We're goin' to another hospital, okay?!' He tells you, pulling you closer to his chest. He gently places you in the passenger seat of his car. Your eyes widen. 

'Why are you taking me to another hospital? What's wrong with me?!' You ask, but the boy ignores your questions as he pulls out of the wide parking lot. 

Instead, he asks, 'What's ya name?' 

'Silvana Torres. What about you?'

'Ma name's Daniel Gray.'

'Anyways, Daniel, what's wrong with me?'

Daniel glances at you, his hands grasping the wheel so hard that you think it might break. 'Please don't worry, miss Silvana. I'll tell ya once we get to the hospital.'

You glare at Daniel, almost wanting to rip his throat open with your bare hands. 'Tell me what the hell's going on!' You yell, squirming in your seat.

'You're going to freak out!' Yells Daniel, his mouth turning into a frown.

You roll your eyes, turning towards Daniel and flinching. 'Try me.'

'I'd rather not.'

'Why not?!' You exclaim, glaring at Daniel with your eyes wide.

'I don' really want vomit in ma car... so nah, sorry.' Daniel answers, making a sharp right turn, which sends your right shoulder and arm crashing into the dashboard.

You wince, rubbing your arm and trying to get rid of the sharp, imaginary needles that are pinching your arms. 'Ow! Can you slow down a bit?! My whole body is going to be sore because of you!'

'Sorry, I might've sped a tad bit...' Daniel admitted, not looking at you.

'A TAD bit?!' You exclaim, your elbow propped up next to the window, which is covered in bird poop and dirt.

'But only because...'

'Because of what?! I don't understand why you don't want to tell me!' You cross your arms and lean back into the black leather of the passenger seat.

Daniel shakes his head. 'Whatever. By the way, I'm sorry 'bout earlier.'

'What do you mean?'

'Ya know, when I told you ta stop coughin'?' Daniel tells you, blinking quickly.

You stare at him, your eyebrows up. 'Oh! That! Well, it's fine.'

'That's great, thanks.' Daniel says in his fruity southern accent. He stops at a red light and turns slightly in your direction so you guys can talk.

'Can you please just tell me what's wrong?! I don't like people staring at me like I have three noses instead of just one!' You exclaim, shaking your head back and forth. 'I mean, it was nice to have a hot guy carry me, but like... why?'

Daniel sighs, his posture droopy as he stares at his big hands and then back at you. 'Just... check ya mask, then you'll know.'

'Oh... okay?' You mutter, taking your mask off and looking at the inside, where your mouth has been. That part of the mask is covered in blood. Dirty, crusted blood, and fresh blood too. 'Oh, holy crap... is that m-me?! Did I do that?' You start to exclaim as your world turns black.



When you wake up, Daniel and a doctor are leaning over you, studying your face. 'What's going on?!' You exclaim, jumping up in the stiff, uncomfortable hospital bed. The walls are plain gray, dull, and uninteresting.

Daniel gives you a look, and your shoulders droop like runny royal icing. 'Well, the doctor here just told me that you have hemoptysis.'

Your eyes widen and your breathing starts to sound broken as you stumble off of the plastic white sheets of your bed. 'What?!'

July 09, 2020 02:32

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

9 comments

ADHI DAS
05:45 Jul 20, 2020

👍👍

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
19:34 Jul 20, 2020

:)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Ashley Beeby
23:26 Jul 15, 2020

This is really easy to reading, your writing style is very pleasant and I love that you add the detail of an accent and a unique talking style to Daniel! It's nice to imagine a character's voice different to the norm and you execute it very well. My feedback is to consider how realistic a scenario is. As much as the story was easy to read and visualize I found the actual story to be unrealistic and it reduced how deeply I could connect as the characters' behavior (specifically: Daniel taking a complete stranger to another hospital without...

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
03:22 Jul 16, 2020

Thank you so much for the advice, Ashley! Unfortunately, I am no longer able to edit this story, but I will remember for future reference. Have a good night/day!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Batool Hussain
05:00 Jul 09, 2020

Wonderful, Avalee! I love how you've described waiting in a hospital in this week's prompt. Creative. There can be a few tweaks though. *Firstly I know you're trying to make the boy sound cool-ish but excessive use of 'ya' takes away the magic(I hope you get it) *Secondly, when you are describing the "disinterested" nurse, try to do so in one sentence only. If you might go up, you may see there are three sentences just for the 'nurse' I hope you don't get offended because this is a beautiful piece. Keep writing & Stay Safe;)

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
15:51 Jul 11, 2020

I'm not offended at all, thank you for the advice! Also, stay safe! :)

Reply

Batool Hussain
16:12 Jul 11, 2020

Stay safe!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Ariadne .
22:54 Oct 16, 2020

Upvoting complete!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
22:54 Oct 16, 2020

Lol, thanks.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in the Reedsy Book Editor. 100% free.