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Lesbian Creative Nonfiction

Growing up children have been exposed to the expectations of being a parent one day. Girls tend to be given dolls to play with and are shown how to play “house.”

This leads us to believe that our lives will not be fulfilled if we do not have our own family someday. If you decide that this is not the path for you, then you tend to be subjected to a slew of questions as to why you don’t want to have kids or why are you waiting so long? 

These expectations of house and family future endeavors were thrust upon Anita at a young age. Also at a young age, she decided but kept it to herself that this was not the course of life that she wanted to take. Her grandmothers and her mother have always instilled in her the importance of being a mother. It’s not that she hated the idea it was just that it seemed like something she just didn’t want to do.

 However, she went along with it. She pretended to like playing with baby dolls while spending the rest of her time outdoors playing sports. She had tea parties that she honestly found boring. When she brought up the fact that these things were not thrilling, she was told that she was going to play this way, end of story. So, she started to split her time more evenly as suggested by her mother, between playing outside and doing more quote-unquote girly things. 

When Anita was sent to school she would be dressed in pink and ruffly outfits with ribbons. Now, her family and teachers always said she looked cute but deep down Anita felt like she was pretending to be someone she was not. She wanted to wear baseball t-shirts, shorts, and jeans but this was apparently not an option for her. It was even more apparent when they would go to Sunday Mass. Her mother and grandmother made sure she had on her “Sunday best.” She attested it but her protest was meaningless to them. 

Come the time she was a teenager she started taking even more interest in sports. Against her mother’s wishes, she would spend time after school playing on the basketball court. She also would play any sport she could have time for including baseball, soccer, and tennis. By that point, future motherhood wasn’t even a consideration. When she took health classes she learned about it but simply didn’t care. 

After she graduated and was heading off to college, some of her classmates had found themselves pregnant and married. Prompting people to ask Anita when she would be next. To which she would tell them that she is still figuring out what she wants to do with her life and that marriage and children were out of the question. She also had a secret that she discovered while away from home. Her secret explained the reason why she never dated any boys before despite the incessant encouragement to do so from others. 

After she had finished her degree in Anthropology and had played college basketball at an elite school, she was drafted into the WMBA. Although this was happy news to her family they still hoped that she would have gone forward with her degree instead of focusing on the sport. She assured them however that playing basketball professionally is not forever and that if she wanted to in the future she could continue with her interest in Anthropology. 

Her first day on the Connecticut Sun team where she was to train hard was a day she had been excited about for months. All of her teammates were supportive and with her hard work, Anita was a starting player. Playing her forward-center position, just as she had done throughout school. 

What she wasn’t expecting was that she was going to find herself falling for a fellow player. A woman that had been on the team for five years and that was planning on retiring after the season was over. Britta was hard to not notice. When she went for the ball to send it in to the net her tan muscles were very obvious. One time when Anita tried to pass the ball to her, Anita was caught up looking at her pretty but sweaty face and sent it flying towards the wall. This prompted her couch to ask what happened, so she just made up some excuse. 

Sometimes the women would have parties. This allowed Anita and Britta to get to know each other. Neither Britta nor Anita ever said when they were playing on the team that they were both exclusively into women but their chemistry was brewing. The others didn’t notice this though because the women on the team were all pretty close. Come the time of Britta’s retirement party at the ripe age of 31, Anita couldn’t contain her feelings anymore. She took Britta aside after some cake and said to her shakily,

“Britta I don’t know how to tell you this…”

“Woah, is something wrong?”

“No, no. It’s just that I am kind of afraid to say it.”

Britta looked at her kindly and said,

“I think I know what you are going to say and let me do it for you.”

Anita blinked her eyes at Britta waiting to hear what she meant.

“Do you feel the same feelings for me that I do for you?”

Anita’s heart started pounding and a rush of happiness came over her, she almost forgot to say something. When Britta noticed her silence she tapped Anita on the shoulder. This alerted Anita to respond,

“Yes, I do feel the same way.”

Without saying a word Britta brought Anita in for a kiss before they returned to the party. Moving forward in their lives, Anita kept playing for another six years while Britta decided to get into coaching at the local college. It wasn’t until after they had moved in together that the idea of children was brought up. One night while they were cozying up to each other on the couch watching a movie, Britta shut the TV off right before the big ending. 

“What are you doing babe, this is the good part?”

Britta looked at Anita with annoyance and replied,

“You need to stop avoiding the issue.”

“I thought I said I wasn’t ready to decide. You know that having children was never in the plan for me.”

Britta looked like she was about to cry as she did five days earlier when the subject was first brought up. Then she took Anita’s soft but strong hand and said,

“I know you feel this way but it is important to me.”

Anita sighed and tried to get Britta to understand why it just wasn’t going to happen. This continued to upset Britta for another six months. Then something great happened, Britta’s sister had a baby. Britta and Anita were tasked with being godparents. Anita couldn’t really refuse this to a new mother. After a year of watching little Carl grow and develop a sweet personality, Anita started seeing the value in having kids. 

One morning Anita made a full breakfast to set the mood for what she was going to tell Britta. Britta woke up and came out to the kitchen yawning,

“Babe, how long have you been up?”

“Doesn’t matter, sit down and I will get you some coffee.”

“It smells amazing in here, you didn’t have to make a breakfast this large.”

“I wanted to.”

They started eating and when the meal was finished Anita turned to Britta and mentioned that she had finally seen that she needed to abide by Britta’s wishes to have a child. To which Britta was so pleased because she had been able to get Anita to change her perspective. Now all they had to do was figure out how they want to go about it. 

May 19, 2021 04:28

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