I WILL GO TO HELL NOT HEAVEN

    I think the way my faithful behave will make God to felt bad about me. I felt their sinful nature will make me to Miss God blessing. I felt sister that I am going to hell not heaven as my veins tell. Oh I miss God grace. I hear Angel and Satan are wrestling over my deed. I miss heaven as I see the gate of the hell is open I can tell you sister. Be strong in your faith and preach love and peace. For me my faithful had failed me as they turn their deaf ears to God’s word.

   Oh, no, father really you will not go to hell for you had been in Africa preaching the love and planted the faith among people. It will be good to go to heaven than hell. Let me I think that could not be why you are leaving us today? You will not and may the peace of our lord be with you in your journey. I feel glad to get time and join you today on your last day. I believe that one day we will meet in heaven not hell. I am here to ask you by saying how are you? My name is Sr. Yana from St. John Evangelist society. I work for Christ and our main work do base in Africa where you had been for great mission of God. Right now we have sent many men and women to go to and evangelize African. We are to spread the gospel as world missionaries. In addition to that; Father Michael, I can say that you may forgive me for raising my voice as you are going ahead of me. Forgive me father for I did not know you, thou you are a great missionary for Africa; until I have come when you are been hospitalized. I come here to take your will as well as to encourage you while you are preparing yourself to go and meet our lord, Jesus. As the doctor said that, your time to leave us for heaven is near.

    Our lordship Johnson Kang had asked me to be here. I came here to accompany you together with all nuns at St. John the Cross hospital. We will see you off in your journey to heaven and may God the father let you go in peace? For you had done your great work as missionary for Africa? Father, as I said before that I will be with you until when your time come to leave us. Be happy, as you had done your great work. Yes! Your works as missionary in Africa have a good foundation in Africa as great leader and great missionary in Africa evangelize and redemption of the soul. People in Sudan, South Sudan and Somalia’s history will be remembering you as great man of God. How happy we are to be your sisters and for all great missions that, you did to Christ.

   Father! The entire missionaries’ sisters and I were sad to hear that your journey is at hand. We know that you will leave us behind. How will we go to Africa like the one you did? How good and how bad African in Africa as we all only heard about wars, looming hunger and continuing death. We question why God allows you to go while you did not take us to Africa where we hear what happening there in that beautiful continent called Africa. Father with deeply in our heart we will ask you many question and among these questions some may appear in your will father but we are sad for the coming hour.

  Sincerely father Michael; we will not prevent tears, as you are a great missionary not only in African but also throughout the whole world. I have been hearing you have been stationed in Sudan where you cry for peace all days and nights and you preaching for peace to excel. Oh, Lord has mercy on him! Oh, Lord has mercy on him. For your servant Father Michael had done his great work to evangelize African. May you send your angels to carry him into his chair that you had been preparing for him? Amen

Amen, sister and praise be to God in the highest. It is grateful sister; I am very happy for your wishes and I can go to confess to you my sister? Oh no father, how can that be Father? I am a sister and you are a father, how can that be? Oh, no, if you said that you are coming to take my will. It means I am confessing to you. Are we together sister? Why did our lordship send if you did not need me to confess to you? For my inner words are my wills. Are you willing to take my will sister Yana? Sr. Yana, you say that you come from St. John Evangelist the Apostle. It means I can confess my sins as I like that society let me confess to you? I just ask you and if that is not a good question. You can forgive me sister. Do you doubt that I cannot confess to you? Okay ask the lordship for direction. I need to confess to you. I feel go to hell not heaven which is the summary for me. No! No, father, let me ask lordship before you continue. Just wait for me father!

 Okay, sister, you have now finished with our lordship. Did he object to what I demanded? No, father, you will not confess to me. I will take your will as I am here. You can continue but father let me say that your will, will help the mission for spreading the Gospel. We believe in you as great missionary for Africa evangelizes and redemption. True sister Yana, for I have been in the darkest continent in the world where Christ light was the only light that shines on the faces of the faithful. Yes! Father, we all know that you have been in the war torn areas where you use lamps to read the word of our lord to the faithful and that is why I am here father. I Sr. Yana, living in the mission for more than eighty years now. By the requested of our lordship I have been to move where I live two day back and I have spent the whole night driving since yesterday to come here and be with you in hospital like today.

The mission is to accompany you as Rev. Father until your last hour on earth. I will take your will as according to dogma of the church. Do feel free father. A sister for Christ missions as far as I know your will that I will take today until your last hour will boost Africa mission and the world. Father Michael, May I sit on your bedside. I came to get more things to evangelize and to go for redemption mission as I said that I am from St. John Evangelist community; I have been in the mission for more than eighty years. That means I also came here to take your will as you had been preaching for Jesus in the entire mission in Africa. I believe that our Lord Jesus is now preparing a place in heaven.

   The doctor who is treating you said that you will leave us. I came to take your will to ask you to let me know if your hour has come. I will call all sisters to come and we will accompany you to heaven. We will be together with you in the future. Our lordship Robert Kang from Sudan and now in South Sudan had sent me to here and be with you. Oh I came from Ukraine. I worked in Syria for Jesus Christ. Like you who work in Africa Yes, all faithful in Africa will be chock but your words will console them. Be happy as Rev. Father! Give me your will as we are counting down minute. I can assure you to be happy, as you had done your work for Jesus in war torn countries such as Sudan and South Sudan as missionaries. Your will can help young people who will listen to their calls to go down there in Africa. I believe that many younger one who might be having a call for God mission will be willing to spread their lives as you did. I heard and I saw how life and evangelized for Jesus word to the people such countries were hard and gravely missionary.

  We are happy for work in those missions, for our Lord Jesus has been with you. We believe that Jesus was your shield for enduring the guns, bombs and face-to-face attack in such countries like Sudan where children still cry in Darfur region in the western Sudan. In South Sudan were people flee within and even to outside of their own country, Somalia where people committed suicide bomb as well as Syria and Yemen where our missionaries suffered for the mission of Christ. Even though what you say will discourage some people, we believe that Jesus will do His mission through those words.

  For your wills will light and shine I am sure you father. It will remain for redemption mission for Christ sake. Yes! Your wills will change the hearts of the people on the ground especially in Sudan, South Sudan and Somalia. Feel free for today will be your last day from this world. Yes, Sr. Yana, I have been in Sudan as I was sending for a mission. By being station in Southern Sudan which the south of Sudan I was the happiest missionary among those who were sent with mission in Africa, which is in the south of Sudan. I am over to meet the people there with hope to change them for Christ.

   Wow! On that day, I saw thousands of faithful and unfaithful people gathered to wait for us. I was overjoyed, on the grateful day, I had not seen people who loved others like them, and I told my missionary who sat next to me inside the land crusader. By seeing those faithful, I gave up that issue of becoming Thomas. Why sister, someone told me that black people do have black hearts but it was not true. It is a false thing against them for I learn that they are human like us. They treat people like the way we treat ourselves here. For I have lived among them. I drink with them and dance with them for Christ sake not my own.

  That day I landed on in that village. I remind Brother Andrew who was my companion in the mission that brother, now look brothers; they are great people who love others. Brother Andrew, have you ever seen people who might leave their farmers, business, work and may come and stand on line waiting for unknown people in the sunny day like this day for Christ mission? Why do they wait for us in the host sunny day like this, is it because we are missionaries?

 I see they are great and honor people that were what I told my brother. For we have been on the way for three day due to bad roads and I think all faithful from different chapels might turn out for those three day waiting for us on a sunny day. I regret when I heard that my faithful were now the one killing themselves but why I did not teach them to revenge but I taught them to forgive. How will we go on and orient them to do what I need for them as now I am at the last hour of my death. What will I do for them if I step down again on that land as a missionary like that time? Will they repent their sins like the way I taught them? They believe that I, the father whom they know as Father Michael have come with the word of God to them to believe. If death allows me to go back to Africa, Will they believe that my coming to them as missionaries will bear a true sign for Christ's love among them.

On the other hand, will they see that missionaries are there to explore the land but not to reconcile the broken hearts? I felt sad for my Sr. Yana because I thought that my presence among different people in Sudan and South Sudan would have brought last peace. I was not true in assuming that among them. I learned today that my presence among them was not fruitful for the mission which could be God who let devil over run me. I have the devil among them in that land whereas other missionaries ‘saints and angels in their mission work. Forgive me Lord Jesus as I failed to do your mission. Great words father, continuing, gives your inner father for Christ missions not ours. Okay, Sr. Yana calls for me all sisters.

My time is near I want to tell all missionaries to be true peacemakers throughout the world. I have been in Africa for so many years. Today, I recall that I did nothing for Christ's mission as fifty years are now to accompany me to go to the next world. Did you see one Sudanese, South Sudanese or Somali sister among you? No, none and that is to approve that I will go to hell not heaven. I will be accountable for fifty years that I spent in Africa as missionaries for doing nothing but involve in their affairs forgive me Lord Christ. I failed to establish the lasting peace in Sudan, South Sudan and Somalia where peace, love and forgiveness should excel. I need you all sisters to go and remind them. They should live in peace as brothers and sisters. I feel sad that I spent fifty years chasing winds in Africa.

In addition, I failed not to establish peace among the faithful that I taught now brothers are one fighting each other. As I wait the last hour I hear their voices here in western. I felt bad for my student like John is now the one starting the fight as he rises against Andrew and when two people fights it will be here where police can separate people but the villages turn to fight and conflicts boil up to reaches war. I failed to deliver the right message to them. I should have told them to live as brothers without a devil heart. Is that why I say that I am going to hell not heaven? Let me say my sisters continue praying for peace in Africa and beside that for Corona-virus, that has increased its cases the whole world but not for me. I failed to do my work as missionaries if I recalled that time of our arrival to that land had made me look at myself like a saint on this earth thus the Bible was forbidden. I act like a saint, speak like the angel of God, as my mission is to transform the broken hearts that were tearing apart. That was during our arrival as missionaries for western countries to third world countries.

The Apuk community received us well and they treated us all as missionaries who had arrived at Puorakoon mission. Yes! They are good people as thousand people come from other villages with all faces colors and smiles. Our presence shed light to them and people believe that our presence will raise their sons and daughters that will admire our presence. I believe we will raise them to know God and discover their vocation in life as we need missionaries among them but now I have failed. We believe in God to oriented great men and women that will accept their call to God to be doctors but now I have failed. Will they accept a church dogma that was what makes me to be Thomas the apostle among them? All my friends thought that we would pray like saint that will let them excel to go outside to the far village. For them to let other know that Jesus is for not for them only but for the whole world and I failed.

Today, I regret as my Christians whom I trained were still go revenge. Have they real understood the meaning of loving one another? It makes me sad is it due to poverty but not really. They live on rich land and rich natural resources. Sr. Yana; do you know what? My time is near to go. Will you console youngest sisters and let them continuing praying for peace, love, tranquility, prosperity, love, kindness and faith for those are what Christ mission need for us to teach people around the world. I feel sorry, sad and regretted for failing the mission. I was been assign as young my sisters. I should have taught all people in Africa to love people like the way others love themselves throughout the world but I have failed. 

What have I done to God? What I will say before God to answer all questions. Almighty God, will ask me why I did not make faithful to be saints on this world? Now hell is waiting for me not heaven. For my faithful do stared on the dead person lying down on the street every day. Forgive me, Lord Jesus, I failed your mission of not giving true redemption message to African. I have years in Africa as missionary but I did not change them. That is why I choose hell not heaven. I did nothing to change the heart of Sudanese, South Sudanese and Somali.  More than sixty years in Africa I did nothing to them. I am going good-bye to all fathers and young sisters i wish you to continuing preach the gospel of God.