As Luck Would Have It

Hanging down a rope waiting for strange people who look like deformed creatures to cut you open gives you perspective. Is this even real??? If it were a movie I would wake up from this nightmare or transport back to where I belong. Yet there doesn’t seem to be a rescue only the agonizing wait for my death. The only thing more agonizing before this was me setting the clock an hour ahead so I could experience sleep deprivation as society has called it Daylight Savings Time. I was expecting to wake up late and get cursed out by my mom for being late. But no, I get to wake up to rusted bed springs scratching me, a view of the purple sky, as well as the view of decrepit buildings on the other side. This has to be a nightmare is the cliché that I am in right now, but the floor crumbling from a two-story house tends to put perspective as well as bruises throughout the body. I like any other person who hasn’t lived in what appears to be a post-apocalyptic world start hyperventilating wondering how the hell am I going to live let alone understand what the hell has happened to the world. As anyone realizing this I start to run aimlessly hoping to find someone to help and explain what has happened here. Only to realize it really hurts to run barefoot on rubble and dirt. So, you stop and smell the methane and as you all know it smells like one big fart from a giant. Wondering if there is any place you could walk to with scrapped feet. Only to hear voices and praying to God there are other people. So, I dumbly scream out, “Help ME! Please! Help ME!” As we all know that was not the best move. Turns out they weren’t exactly what you call “People” they looked like gremlins except with blue slimy skin, green luminous eyes and the size of linebackers. I started to guess I was in a bad post-apocalyptic sci-fi movie. I wish I could remember more and not a gigantic blue fist coming straight to my head. Of course, the headache keeps on reminding me that I got punched in the FREAKING Head. God, I wish I had an aspirin right now. Also, they seem to be cannibals which couldn’t be anymore Cliché. I just wonder did I get transported to a bad 80s movie, or did I travel into a post-apocalyptic future. God I never even learned how to drive nor have I ever had a girlfriend. Or even had the courage to ask a girl out. I can’t believe I thought I had all the time in the world for that but of course I am possibly sent to the future to die from whatever brought this post-apocalyptic world. I wonder if it was pollution and climate change. If so damn I wish I used my computer less, maybe it might have made a difference. I wonder what the heck is that small blue creature doing. Is he…humping a pole or trying to carry it? The Biggest One with the sharpest teeth and yellow smile is sharpening the heck out of those blades. Licking his lips like a dog with it even reaching his nose. It seems like he is really hungry. The rest seem to be cheering as if I am the main attraction. The Biggest One moves even closer ready to cut me up. I know I should be scared and I was, but the biggest concern for me was if these creatures even spoke English. Maybe just sound effects or worst French. I really hated that class. If this was a Post-Apocalyptic eighties movie then maybe just maybe there is a human resistance and would come out of nowhere and save me…… Anytime would have been great, but from what I am experiencing this wasn’t a post-apocalyptic eighties movie. I was really going to die. I believed it as soon as that thing cut a piece of my ear. My EAR!!! It really hit me then that I was going to die and no one was going to save me. God it was painful, I cannot even describe the pain because they CUT MY FREAKING EAR MAN!!! I don’t think there is anything you could compare that too. If so I would really like you to try it yourself. Trust me it’s a whole type of feeling a horrible one, but something you would never forget. But sometimes lady luck will give you just a peck. Right after my ear was cut off and that bastard was chewing on my ear like beef jerky, a huge rumble came across the ground. The creatures looked scared as if the end was near. Ironic wouldn’t you say. A giant hole opened up and released a Giant Rat. Not giant rat you see in New York City, no I mean A Rat the size of a two-story Tank. I know the comparison would be better as a two-story house, but damn those creatures couldn’t even make a dent on that rat. Come to think of it, it did have very thick skin almost like an Armadillo. Maybe it was Giant Armadillo who knows I have never really seen them in real life anyway, but hell its foot crushed the Biggest One like a pancake all that was left of that creature was bare jelly. The rest were chomped up into little pieces as if they were donut filled jelly squirting or exploding depending how you look at it. I wasn’t dumb I knew for sure once he had his fill with those donuts that Armadillo Rat thing was coming for me. Of course, I had lady luck’s peck for when its tail hit me I flew straight into a stream. My ribs made a crunch noise instantly. It hurt only for a minute until the adrenaline kicked in and I realized I might drown as I swam out of the stream and ran as fast as I could away from that thing. I didn’t feel anything. God you got to love Adrenaline best drug the human body could make. It was then a blue UFO comes out of nowhere and abducts me. It turns out to be you guys asking me how is it that I am alive. Well I think I just told you and could you please tell me are you guys aliens or the last resistance of the human race or something? Also, why do you guys look like models? Oh my god I am so confused right now. Oh, and what are you going to do to me? What’s with that needle? Hey Hey Owww! What was that…Oh, my ear is back so what’s the deal?  Of course, you Salvia said. “We don’t like the word Aliens. We are called Crustaceans. We ask because for about what we believe 50 years ago a time change from losing one hour caused a scientist named Bill Genia to lose sleep and accidentally release a toxic chemical that ends your world as you know it. We came to earth because of an old transmission of what is appeared to be called the Audio Description of book adaption of Free Willy. We don’t have what you call stories where we are from so we hoped we could hear some only to find out that your people are gone. We almost lost hope until we realized a temporal anomaly was coming so we waited and looked everywhere hoping to find a human who could tell us stories.” Flabbergasted I asked, “So, you guys are basically called the same class of lobsters, crabs, shrimp, and whatever? And you came because you loved the story about saving a whale? This is what you said right? I’m not high from whatever you gave me or anything like that right?” “Yes!” You responded. That day was more than lady luck giving me a peck, it was a deep French kiss. You guys take me to your homeworld and I will tell you stories that you never even heard of. I basically became a celebrity and was worshiped in their world. I finally got a girlfriend name Salgag who is right with you guys. I mean who would have thought the end of the world would be great for me. I have no idea why each and every time I see you guys you always want me to tell the story of how you guys found me. Either way let me introduce you to a story about friendship, partnership, love, and betrayal. This story is called Point Break.