Plan on Forgiveness"

Trigger warning: domestic violence

"It doesn't count if you're already planning your defeat," Tommy told Jenny as she was finishing up her motivational speech she planned to share with the Domestic Violence shelter in their hometown. "What if they don't like my topic?" Jenny asked with worry in her voice. "You've got to trust in yourself, the pain that you have endured, all of the hurt, suffering, and unhappiness you have somehow overcome that is a story worth sharing."

After praying and meditation to clear her anxiety she was finally as ready as she could be to go and stand in front of a group of total strangers, whom also have endured similar unfortunate and dangerous experiences as she has. The car ride to the shelter seemed like it was uncomfortably long as she read over what she had already prepared time and time again, attempting to come up with something better to say. They arrived, next thing she knows she is walking up on stage, knees trembling seconds before she's handed the mic. "What if I lose my voice, what if I say the wrong thing?" she thought to herself. As the microphone was placed in her hand suddenly she was overcame with an emotion that she has not felt during this whole time; a sense of total peace.

"It was a Tuesday, when I began my journey to freedom. It was a Tuesday, that I took back power. It was a Tuesday, that I was no longer a victim, and finally a survivor. It was a Tuesday, when I took the first steps to being able to teach other people who have been through things that I have also endured. The journey was one that I would never wish on anyone. At the beginning of this new life I was building for my son and me, I struggled with the fact that I actually was allowed to make decisions for myself. Finally I was able to decide what color I painted my nails, what color I dyed my hair, for the first time in my life I was able to make whatever choice that I felt would benefit me or bring happiness to our lives. Then out of nowhere about two months after starting my new stress-free attempt at life I was deceived and love-bombed by what I believed was the man of my dreams. He had manipulated me into believing that every need and want I had was being fulfilled to the fullest. Two years later I finally woke up from a nightmare that I was to brainwashed to see. During the course of our relationship, I had accepted being isolated from every one I loved and cared about including family, and all of my friends. He hid so many secrets from me and had me to the point that I truly believed I was responsible for his happiness." Jenny paused with tears in her eyes, and a knot in her throat. "Somewhere during this horrifying life experience I was reintroduced back into a relationship with God, part of this was thanks to this deceitful prince that I had shown up in my life, but along the walk in growing with my faith in the lord I started going to therapy, specifically for victims of domestic violence. I am thankful that I was able to get myself out of this so called relationship safely, but I am even more grateful for the fact of what I was capable of learning. As we grow and are working on moving forward, we have to learn what awareness really means. Sometimes the lack of awareness can potentially put our life in danger, sometimes the lack of knowing what our own demons are can truly prevent us from actually loving ourselves and others. Always remember whatever you see outwardly in the world is an expression of what you feel on the inside, I noticed that in my previous relationships that every single issue I had with my significant other also was something I was guilty of. That is a huge problem. So many times we are quick to point fingers just to be able to place blame anywhere besides on ourselves. Just another reason we have to stop giving so much effort on the flaws and behaviors of others. We have to always remain certain that our hearts are pure. We as humans tend to sabotage anything that is good that comes our way, when we are living our lives in the mindset of a victim to our circumstances instead of a survivor to any challenge that we have faced in our lives. We tend to do this because it is like we have preconceived ideas about others. Such as all men are awful, or no woman can be trusted. A lot of times these ideas are just from us continuing to live in the past. It ultimately sets every relationship up for failure. This principle goes for all sorts of relationships. That is why it is so important to continue each day being conscious of every thought, retrain our minds constantly, stay focused, and learn more about love and apply all of our knowledge to ourselves. When we start bettering ourselves and developing healthy boundaries, we take over half the work out of weeding out the bad, because as we know negativity and misery love company. Perfect love and self love will drive away our fears. Which is another reason true forgiveness is necessary. When we neglect the need for forgiveness all we do is hinder ourselves from true happiness, and prevent ourselves even further from having any type of healthy relationships, it is unfair to ourselves. The person who caused us the negative feelings and emotions is not in any form affected what so ever but we truly give them so much power and control over our lives, and they do not deserve it. When we are abused or mistreated for an extended period of time we sometimes allow ourselves to feel guilty, and that is completely understandable and very common. We have to stop blaming ourselves for what we've been through, and stop believing that we deserved any of what we endured." At this point there was not a single dry eye in the whole room, there was not even remotely a side conversation taking place, the attention of everyone was fully focused on Jenny. "And before I leave you guys for the night I want you all to remember this one thing, Do not ever accept responsibility for the actions of others. We are only responsible for ourselves, our emotions, our actions, and our thoughts. Remember not deserves access to your beautiful soul!"