Sitting on the soft sands of the beach, I was watching the stunning sunset.
It was finally time to go to work!
Wearing my favourite swimsuit, I leaped into the vast water of the sea. I was an underwater explorer and I loved diving.
A new species of fish was expected to be found in the ocean and I wanted to see it lively. The first person to find out the species to see it live had the opportunity to name the species. Thus, I wanted to be the first one.
I put on my oxygen mask and swam deep into the ocean. The water was always murky, but I loved it that way.
Nobody had ever examined the new kind of species. Merely the size and height was known then.
That's what got me excited. I loved exploring new things.
On the spur of that moment, my oxygen started leaking. I found a knife stuck in my oxygen cylinder.
I wondered how a knife could put a hole on a aluminium cylinder.
The sea hunters! They were on my tail!
Their knife could pierce into anything because they were made up of diamond. They were a group of creatures who ate anything in the ocean. They were very primitive creatures also called underwater tribes.
I had to swim fast. I couldn't hold my breath for a long time. The oxygen cylinder had an output of pressure which pushed me downwards. Thanks to my trainers, I knew how to handle the situation.
Suddenly, I saw a man who had an oxygen cylinder. He was unaware that the sea hunters were coming near.
I swam straight at him and took hold of his hands.
"What are you doing?" he mumbled. He showed some hand signals and I understood.
"Don't lose your breath. I am an underwater explorer. The sea hunters are approaching," I said and used hand signals. Sign language was an important thing to learn for underwater explorers.
"But, I have to encounter the new species. I am an underwater explorer too," he mumbled. This time I heard him right.
I thought I should escape, leaving him there, because he also wanted to name the new species. But, I knew that it was not the right decision.
It was almost impossible to elude the sea hunters in the water. Only, they won't come out of the water. They had a man's body and shark's tail.
I swam as fast as my legs would go. I had to save the other underwater explorer. But, my oxygen was quickly running out. I was tired and could not clearly see where the land was because of the murky water.
Then my companion took charge.
"Just climb on my shoulder," he mumbled and waved his hands at me. I had no choice. I was starting to faint as I had no supply of oxygen.
I choked out the water and woke up.
He saved me! As I was lying in the soft sands, I looked on for him. I saw him in front of me, watching the blue skies.
"Thank you. Do I know you?" I said.
"You are welcome. I don't think you know me. I am Willie," he said. He was one handsome dude, very muscular!
His brown eyes looked sharp like an eagle while his hair was curly black.
"My name is William," I stated.
"Our names are almost the same. You look awesome, William," he said, laughing. I also started to laugh.
He gave me his hand and made me stand.
"How did you save me? No human can swim faster than a sea hunter, " I asked him.
He didn't answer. But, anyways he had saved me.
"Friends?" I asked him. He just nodded and smiled.
"We have to start again and find that species," he said, looking for a place to dive.
"Are you insane? You wanna die so young. We had narrowly escaped from the sea hunters," I said.
"We escaped, right?" he asked me.
He loved adventures more than me!
"Do you have another oxygen cylinder?" I inquired.
"I possess a small cylinder. It will provide oxygen for just an hour," he said, taking a small cylinder from his backpack.
"Thanks," I said.
"And keep this in your ear. It's a radio transmitter for us to communicate, " Willie said, giving a small earpiece to me.
"Would we hear our voices clearly with this?" I asked him.
He shot me a look and I understood. He slipped on his red coloured fins and I donned my blue coloured fins. Fins made it easy to swim.
We leaped into the sea again. I trusted him a lot.
The sea was beautiful as we swam deeper.
The fishes were floating smoothly in the shimmering water. Even octopuses looked cute as they filled their air sac and expelled it. They were very fast. But, we should not get fooled by appearances.
I switched on my water glass. It was an amazing device. It measured the height and size of a particular species. I had set it to the size and height of the new species.
Suddenly, a huge creature floated above us.
It matched the height and size of the new species!
I called Willie and pointed to that great creature.
But, he was terrified. He started swimming in the opposite direction. I accompanied him.
"That's not the new species. It's a blue whale," he said as water bubbles came out of his mouth.
"I suppose so," I said. I was charged up when I saw it had the same categories of the new species.
As we proceeded in search of the species, I asked him, "What would you name the species if you'd find it first?"
"Willie whale. What would you call it if you find it?" he said.
"Nice name. I would call it as William fish," I said.
"Wonderful name," he said.
Suddenly, something took hold of me and Willie. It appeared to be a rope.
We tried to liberate ourselves from it. But, it was really strong.
Then we heard some voices, "hu ha hu ha."
The sea hunters again!
I was very scared. But, I couldn't see any fear in Willie's eyes. He just floated calmly with the rope in his waist. He didn't even try to escape.
I loved his confidence.
I didn't want to become dinner for a sea hunter. I couldn't even imagine it.
They dragged us deep into the ocean and lit up the magical flame which can light up in water.
I had read in a book that sea hunters ate only in the dark. If they could understand my language I would have said that I was not tasty. But, they wouldn't understand.
We had less time to live. But, my oxygen supply would cut in a few minutes. I thanked God and all of them who had helped me. I knew this job was a pretty risky job, but still I loved it.
As the sea hunters were sleeping, I tried to escape but the rope they used was very firm.
On the spur of the moment, I saw it.
The new species! Drifting smoothly in the sea with its fins.
What a magnificent sight it was!
We were tied only in the waist. So, Willie pulled out his water camera from his backpack and clicked a photo of it.
"We will not even get out of this ocean alive, what is the purpose of taking a photo?" I asked him.
"We are getting out alive, I promise," he said confidently.
"But how?" I asked him.
"Wait and watch, William," he said and closed his eyes.
Suddenly, the new species approached us and licked Willie.
It was like a miracle!
A huge creature had licked Willie! He just patted the species and whispered something to it.
"I possess the power to talk to animals, buddy," he said, triumphantly.
"Wow! Now, I know why you took this as your job. We should escape from here as soon as possible, Willie," I said.
We climbed along the large creature. But, the sea hunters woke up. They threw their weapons at us. But, to our luck, we were far away from them. Again, no sea hunter can swim faster than a fish.
"I am gonna leave this job, Willie," I said.
It was a smooth ride and the new species dropped us close to the beach.
I saw my car parked near the beach. Journeys into the ocean have always been crazy and adventurous.
I was grateful for Willie. He had saved my life once again. I would never forget him and his amazing power.
"Goodbye, William," Willie said, handing over the photo of the new species to me.
"Goodbye. Wait, who found it first? Who's gonna name it?" I asked him.
"I will miss you, Will...," before he finished his sentence, he just passed out.
A red fluid was coming out of his body. That is when I realized that a knife was sticking on to his body and he was bleeding very badly.
The sea hunter's knife had struck him!
I checked his pulse rate, but it was barely felt. I was not ready for that shock. That is when I understood that his goodbye was completely different from mine.
I wanted to see his eagle eyes again. I wanted to hear his confident words. But, he wouldn't turn back. My eyes had started to water after years.
I couldn't save him that day. I had not been grateful to him.
"Willie," I cried at my top pitch. I couldn't share my grief with anyone.
I rang the ambulance and he went, taking part of myself with him.
I went to the Species Organization and showed the picture of the new species to them. They asked the name I wanted to keep.
I said, “Willie whale."
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Thank you for reading.
Hi Keerththan! This story was very imaginative! I have some things to say though: 1. "The oxygen cylinder put on a large pressure which pushed me downwards." <-- I think that you should replace that sentence with, "The oxygen cylinder had an output of pressure which pushed me upwards." 2. "I couldn't share my grievances with anyone." <-- You should replace "grievances" with "grief." 3. "Under ocean explorer." <-- Maybe substitute it with "underwater explorer." An under ocean explorer isn't really a thing. 4. People can't talk und...
Thank you , Akshat. I didn't notice these things. Thank you for bringing them to my notice. I will write one every week. I will let you know when I am getting it out. Your story was very creative though.
You're welcome! Thanks again!
You are welcome, Akshat.😀😀😜😜😋
Hi Keerththan! I finally got up to reading your story. Most of the other stories written for this prompt probably don't have one friend die in the end, but that just makes your story more unique and interesting and realistic. (Of course fantasy is not realistic, but real life always seems to have more death than fiction. Or maybe just more death of central characters.) I really liked how you ended the story. Even though one of the characters died, he made a difference in the other character's life to the point that he would give up his dream...
I am glad you liked the ending. I don't know how many thank you's I had to say to you. Thank you for praising me for my vocabulary.(I actually got it from Ginger)😁😁 Thank you for taking your time in commenting, teacher. 👩🏫 I changed the woulds and hads. Thank you for reading, Clara. Good night. Stay healthy and stay safe.
Do You know one thing? I am just 40 points to reach the top 10 leader board. I am so excited. Thank you for your help, Clara. (and your large homework ;)😜😜)
Wow. I saw you were number 12 last night. You're welcome. Just for the record, I didn't go on an upvoting spree. I only upvote comments that I actually like, and any of yours that I upvoted deserved it. I also really like the teacher emoji you sent me. It looks different on the computer, so I don't know how it appears to you, but on my phone it actually looked a lot like me. I'm looking forward to seeing you on the leaderboard.
I just wanted to inform you about it. I was just excited. I am glad you loved the teacher emojis. I will send the ones I have. 👩🏫👩🏫👩🏫. This is the one I think. Is that profile photo really you????
Yes, that's the one. My profile photo is an avatar I made at avatarmaker.com It's supposed to look like me, but it's not a photograph. It's the closest I could get it to looking like me. They didn't have freckles, and they didn't have the right hair or eyes or eyebrows or glasses, so it's not perfect.
I thought it was your favourite animation character. 😋😋😋😋. Are you taking online classes?
This seems fairly original, story-wise. What I would say is that there's some trouble introducing new events. For example, you say "Suddenly, I found a man who had an oxygen cylinder." "Suddenly I found" doesn't really work. You might say "Suddenly I saw a man" but in this case it sounds clumsy. I'd find a smoother way to introduce new events.
Yup, changed it. Thank you for your suggestions. Thank you for reading, Eleanor.
Ooooh, this was good! I enjoyed it. I especially liked this sentence: ‘ Sitting on the soft sands of the beach, I was watching the beautiful sunset.‘ Although, one thing: while this isn’t an ISSUE, you used the blah word ‘beautiful’ 3+ times. You might want to switch it out for gorgeous or another synonym at some point. Like: ‘Sitting on the soft sands of the beach, I was watching the stunning sunset.’ Other than that, awesome job! Keep writing! ~A
Thank you, Aerin. I will definitely change that word. Thank you for reading.
Yup, I have changed it. Thank you for reading. Congratulations for being 6th in the leader board. (I also want to move to the top 10) 😁😁😁
👊👊👊 Thanks! I bet you will ;)
Congratulations for going to 5th place in the leaderboard. Just 400 points for top 3. I love your stories and especially your bio. Congrats.(take a look at my bio. I have added a new category) 😁😁
Thanks! Yup, I saw!
Wow!!!!! Aerin, you are in top three. Congratulations.
Welcome, Aerin. Thanks😁😁😁😆😆🤣🤣🤣
Wow, it was an amazing story! I loved it.
Thank you for reading.
You're welcome! Would you mind checking out my first story?
"I swam deep into the sea and lay on my oxygen mask." "I put on my oxygen mask, then swam deep into the sea." You need to put the mask on before you swim down and this way makes it clear. If someone puts a hole in an oxygen tank it will generate a lot of bubbles and a strong push until the air inside runs low. You might want to think how you would fix that in your story. Make a not of the lightweight aluminum construction (somewhat rare but there are only two choices) because a steel tank won't be punctured by a knife. You might cut the ...
I corrected it as you said. Thank you. I have changed the sentence into fantasy. I have used a radio transmitter. Thank you again. I knew it but, I didn't know what to do about it. I love science. Don't ever be sorry. Thank you. I would love having fantasy in all my stories. I have made the suspense a bit longer. And chase too. If you can, suggest some ways. (would you mind going through again??) I will remember what you said, Charles. Thank you for reading and taking your time in commenting.
The new chase scene is a lot better. You also did a good job with slipping the explanations in. Congratulations. I look forward to your next piece.
Thank you , Charles. I also look forward to your next.... Thank you for your support.
I have posted my new one. Please give some constructive criticism. (and I need a nice title)
I have seen a great improvement in your writing. There were a few grammatical errors and spelling issues, but the story was imaginative and entertaining. Keep up the good work.
Thank you for reading.
Wow! that was a really awesome story. I loved it Keerththan. It was well put together and the plot flowed nicely. There were a few word mistakes or whatever they are but other than that great job. -CJ
I am glad you loved my story. Thank you for reading.
Your welcome, I really enjoyed it.
Prakash,u r very young but good writer.
Thank you, Tariq.
You really are imaginative. I loved reading your story.
I am glad you loved reading my story. Thank you for reading.
You are welcome and keep writing.
Keep writing, Mry.
Pacing and structure could use work, but that will come with practice. I noticed several comments on things like talking underwater, some tech-related issues, and more, and am glad to see you taking those comments to heart. One I didn't see mentioned was the old adage "show, don't tell." You have, in couple places, told us things that would be better shown. "The fishes were beautiful. Even octopuses looked cute." Some descriptive writing here, letting us see what William sees would both give a short breather (slowing down the pace mome...
I think it will come into practice. I am glad that you are glad I took all the comments to the heart. I completely have no clue how to show. I try to show, but every time I fail. I still have time to edit. Would you please suggest some ways to show???? Stay safe and thank you for reading.
For example, with the fishes: "Small fish swam by, bright yellow and blue. A school of larger, silver fish passed, flashing shimmers of iridescent pink and purple where the light caught them." In using something like this you show what is beautiful about the fish, rather than just saying they're beautiful. Keep practicing, and read more than you write. Especially read the works of professional authors you admire to see how they do things. Study their pacing, dialogue, and descriptive writing. The goal is not to copy their style, bu...
Thank you for your suggestions. I love reading stories and I am right now reading very childish authors. I know its kinda funny. But, I am going to read novels after this lock down. Thank you for reading
Science accompanies logic The knife could be made of diamond for it to Pierce through aluminum . intriguing . Isn't it? Great imagination
Thank you, Pamela.
I'm here as promised. This was a great story, I just wrote a story about someone dying so it was nice to see another writer do something similar. Your grammar has gotten better as well, since the last time I read. Keep up the good work.
I am happy that we have written in the same theme. Thank you for reading.
You are indeed creative. I felt for Willie but the names confused me a bit. Good job
Thank you for reading, Pamela.
Dear keerththan, This is your second story which I read. You are really good at sci fi stories. Interesting and emotional too. Looking forward for more.
Thank you for reading.
You write very well. Where you are stationed? Nice flow.
I am in Chennai. Thank you for reading.
Hi Keerthu Finally I got a chance to read your 4th story. Your writing style have improved lot when compared to your first story. Also this story shows that you have done a research on the underwater explorer’s way of doing the research. You are keep improving 👍 Pls find my comments for this story - Title could have been different , not directly on the experience - Could have been shorten further, at least couple of paragraphs
Thank you for reading.
Good job with this, your skills are coming along nicely! You’ve created an engaging story that’s full of action and adventure (as the title promises) and ties up nicely at the end (Willie Whale was a cool touch and a great way to end). It feels kind of like a James Bond movie – underwater adventure, murderous villains, etc. Really engaging. Since I’m late to the party here, I’m sure you’ve gotten lots of technical advice in the plentiful comments. I’d say, on a bigger picture level, sometimes it helps not to tell a story from the beginning ...
Glad you enjoyed this story. I wanted Willie's death to be a complete surprise so I had started from the beginning. I have used what you said in my next story. If you have time, please give a read to my new one. Thank you for reading. And I am learning a lot of things from you.