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Funny Romance Fiction

This story contains sensitive content

***Author's note*** In my story, Annabeth, she tells a story about one of her EMS calls. This story is the story behind that call. Trigger warning: This story contains sex scenes.

Twenty years of marriage and three kids later, the Daughtler’s intimacy was parched, as in dryer than the Sahara. They didn’t even sleep together most nights because one of them always fell asleep in their daughter’s bed. If they did end up together for the night, one of them would inevitably fall asleep instantly. That’s not to say they didn’t have a loving relationship, they certainly did; however, they had lost their lust for each other. Adeline didn’t seem to notice the dearth, but Cooper on the other hand, was blue just thinking about it.

After giving it much thought, Cooper realized the only way to succeed was if he initiated the romance. Adeline’s birthday was around the corner, so he concocted a plan. 

The morning of her birthday, Adeline was surprised when Cooper revealed his plan. He had asked his parents to babysit the children for the night. First, he gave Adeline a gorgeous pair of sparkly diamond dangling earrings. He asked her to put on her favorite dress, and he put on his best suit and tie. Then, Cooper wined and dined Adeline at the best restaurant in town where they could enjoy their meals without being interrupted, and where they could be privy to adult conversation. Afterward, they retired to the hotel for the real magic to begin, or so he hoped. Rose petals were scattered on the bed in the shape of a heart along with a box of chocolate covered strawberries. 

“Aw, babe! This is awesome.” She said.

Cooper grinned. He pulled her in close and began planting kisses on her. They landed on her cheeks, lips, and neck. At the same time, he began to unzip her dress. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. 

“Just ignore it.” Cooper mumbled.

The knocking was persistent. Adeline and Cooper rolled their eyes.

“I’ll get it.” Adeline said and proceeded to the door.

When the door opened, there was a half-naked man slurring his words.

“Sir, you have the wrong room.” Adeline was always the polite one.

Cooper joined her at the door, and after arguing with the man for what felt like forever, he finally retreated to a different room.

“Now, where were we?” Cooper said and resumed unzipping Adeline’s dress.

As he was undressing her, she pulled his clothes off until they were both in their underwear. She pushed him onto the bed.

Ring. Ring.

They rolled their eyes again. Cooper looked as his phone. It was his mother. 

“Mom? Is everything okay?”

“Yes, I’m sorry to bother you dear, but the children insisted they say goodnight.”

“Oh alright, but it’s only to say goodnight. Then, it’s straight to bed. Put them on.”

But it wasn’t just to say goodnight, and the Daughtlers found themselves on the phone for much longer than intended.

“We’ve raised some clever children.” Adeline laughed. “They pushed bedtime back by an hour.”

“Yeah.” Cooper responded. He loved his children dearly, but he was starting to feel defeated.

He lay down on the bed and pulled Adeline on top of him. He had almost unhooked her bra when she groaned.

“Ughh, honey.” 

“What?” 

“I don’t feel so good. I was trying to push through it, but I don’t think dinner settled right, and now I’m going to be sick.” She ran to the bathroom.

Much to Cooper’s chagrin, the Daughtlers never did finish their lovemaking as Adeline was sick the rest of the night.

After the disastrous birthday evening, the dry spell continued. Almost exactly a month to the day, Cooper decided to approach Adeline about their lack of sex. 

“Maybe we should see a sex therapist?” He asked.

“Honey, I didn’t think you wanted to share intimate details with strangers.” She responded. “How about we look at the calendar and schedule a time when we know we are going to be alone?”

“That’s really romantic, babe. It takes all the fun out of it. Not to mention the performance anxiety.” He said.

She laughed. “Okay dear, if you think seeing a sex therapist won’t kill our libido, then I will go with you.”

“Ade, our sex life is already DOA.”

Adeline and Cooper exited the therapist’s office with flushed faces. They learned more than they ever thought they would, and then some. They had also discussed things that they would have never shared with each other before. They were, however, excited to put into practice their new found techniques. The children were at their respective friends’ houses for the night, so Adeline and Cooper crossed their fingers that they could do the deed in peace.    

Once home, Cooper grabbed his handcuffs and donned his uniform, minus the gun, of course. Normally, he wouldn’t mix work and play, but it was Adeline’s fantasy that she had divulged to him in therapy.

“Ma’am you are under arrest.” Cooper said as he walked into the bedroom.

“Oh is that so, officer? What did I do?” Adeline said.     

“You know what you did. You’ve been a bad girl.”

“Very bad.” She responded.

“Yes, you’ve earned yourself a pat down, missy.” He pushed her to the wall. “Put your hands on the wall and spread your legs.” He grabbed her leg with both hands. Starting at her feet, he slowly ran his hands up one leg over the top of her jeans and down the other. 

Adeline shivered as he touched her inner thigh. Cooper’s hands then moved over her arms and down to her chest. Her cherry blossom shampoo tantalized his nose. He stepped closer and pressed himself to her back as he reached around her and fondled her breasts.   

“Oh, officer, I think you’re the naughty one now.” She giggled. She turned around pushing her hips into him. She was already wet, and she could tell he was ready too.

He pulled her shirt over her head revealing her new lacy dark blue bra. Goosebumps pinpricked her skin. She unbuttoned his shirt and ran her hand down his muscular chest. He sighed in satisfaction. Soon, their clothes were tangled in a heap on the floor. 

“Now get on the bed.” Cooper ordered.

She complied by falling onto the bed. She arched her back and lay down running her hands over the silk sheets. He climbed on top of her and pinned her arms over her head. One by one the handcuffs clicked over her wrists securing her to the bed. Her whole body undulated underneath him. Cooper’s hands gently ran over her body causing her to squirm. She parted her legs and allowed him to enter. He did the heavy lifting until she was just about to see fireworks.

“Ahh!” He yelled.

She thought he had come, but he stopped too abruptly. 

“Something wrong?” She inquired.

“It hurts!”

“What hurts?” 

“You know where!” He said.

“Well, I’m a little stuck, so you’re going to have to get up.”

He tried to dismount her, but he cried again in pain. “Babe, I’m stuck.”

“Not funny, dear.”

“I’m serious. I’m stuck.”

“Just try wiggling yourself out.” She suggested.

She opened her legs wider. He tried again, but was unsuccessful.

“Babe, it really hurts. I think I broke it.” His breathing became heavy until he was almost hyperventilating. 

“Relax honey; I don’t think that’s possible.”

“What do we do?” He asked.

“We’ll have to call for help, I suppose.” She said.

“No. No. No. No. We are not doing that.”

“Do you have any better ideas?”

His hung his head. “No. Who do we call?”

“Ghostbusters.” She laughed.

He was not as amused. “This isn’t funny.”

“We’re going to have to call 911.” She said becoming serious again.

“No. No. No.” 

“If you did in fact break your, you know, then I think we need medical attention.” She said. “Who else are we going to call? Your parents? The kids?”

Cooper didn’t like the idea, but he conceded. He then attempted to locate his phone, and realized it was on the nightstand that neither of them could reach. Adeline suggested they use Siri. God bless Siri, she worked. Once the call had been made, they laid in silence anxiously waiting for help, and readying themselves for the humiliation.

When they heard the sirens, she spoke. “Can you try and get the sheet over us?”

               Cooper moved his feet, and got them under the sheet, but he couldn’t get it up any further. He did however, lay his chest onto Adeline, so she was somewhat covered. At that moment, the EMT’s came bounding in wheeling a gurney. Adeline and Cooper greeted them with red faces. Fortunately, they were professional, but Cooper and Adeline sensed they would be the talk of the fire department for years to come.

               One of the EMT’s, introduced herself as Annabeth. Annabeth positioned herself on the left side of the bed. The other EMT, Colin, went to the right.

“First thing’s first.” Annabeth said. She jiggled the handcuffs. “Is there a key for these?”

“Uhh, yes, it’s uhh…on my belt, I think. On the floor.” He replied.

Annabeth dropped to the floor and rummaged around. “Here it is. These are some heavy duty cuffs. They’re certainly not as cheap as the pink furry ones.”

“They’re…real.” Cooper choked out.

“Oh,” was all Annabeth was able to say.

Adeline cringed as she was freed.

               Annabeth spoke again. “Cooper, can you lift yourself up at all? We need to check your vitals before we try anything.”

“I can, but when I do, could you cover my wife?”

Annabeth bent down and picked up Adeline’s shirt. When Cooper pushed himself up, she covered Adeline’s chest.

“Thank you.” Adeline said.

Annabeth and Colin got to work. Annabeth attended to Adeline, and Colin to Cooper. They tried to get the two apart, but they weren’t successful. Eventually, they had to call in the fire department to move Adeline and Cooper onto the stretcher. The two had thought they couldn’t be more embarrassed, but with the addition of more people in their bedroom, they were.

               Once at the hospital, the doctors determined that Adeline hadn’t suffered any injuries. Cooper, however, had in fact, broken his friend and his pelvis. He had to abstain from sex for months to allow himself to heal, but both Adeline and Cooper were a little shy to get back on the horse again anyway. They may not have gotten what they wanted out of their little escapade, but now they had a story. A story of how their fourth child was conceived.  

January 25, 2022 05:16

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12 comments

Ally Kate
03:30 Jan 27, 2022

Omg this was actually so great and such a fun read. Was nervous, I didn't know what to expect haha but it was actually SO FUNNY. I could see this as a hilarious romcom or short film. As always love the imagery and the pace. And during the racy bits I was also like on edge because I was like something is definitely about to happen. All of the dialogue that then occurs is so well-paced and flows well, really funny. Their first attempt at the hotel is also great and can picture all of it, good pace, etc. Great work!!

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Kate Winchester
03:39 Jan 27, 2022

Thanks! As always, I’m grateful that you took the time to read and give feedback. I’m so glad you liked it, and that I didn’t scar you for life. 🤣

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Atenaga Monday
19:33 Apr 12, 2022

Good day, am a writer my finest book or should I say my greatest writing can't be published yet cause of lack of funds please I humbly solicit for your help in raising some funds, my plan is to help every kid in Africa able to access books even without payment please do this help humanity and make the world a better place; my email: mdatenaga@gmail.com, my WhatsApp number: https://wa.me/message/HOFB7PTVGI3TF1 I will be glad to have partners all over the world to join me, God bless God speed.

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Chris Campbell
03:02 Feb 03, 2022

Very funny, Kate. Actually made me laugh out loud. Dialogue was very believable. Well done!

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Kate Winchester
03:16 Feb 03, 2022

Thanks Chris! I’m glad you liked it.

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Hannah Barrett
19:06 Feb 01, 2022

This was so funny Kate - that last line! I think anyone who has been married long enough - kids or not - will totally relate to this. I mean, hopefully not the horror of the double fracture (yikes!), but certainly the rest of it. Well done!

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Kate Winchester
19:09 Feb 01, 2022

🤣 Thank you!!

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Amanda Lieser
06:14 Jan 31, 2022

Hi Kate! Another spectacular piece has blossomed from you! I really loved this piece because I thought it was the perfect blend of poignant, funny, inspiring, and honest. I really appreciate that you decided to write within one of your existing worlds. I thought the intimate scenes were written very well-describing enough to the reader without it being graphic. I also love how our prices had similar themes. This was a beautifully crafted piece. Thank you for writing it!

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Kate Winchester
06:34 Jan 31, 2022

Thank you! I really appreciate the kind words. Haha, yes we did have similar themes. 😉

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Lyndsey La Van
15:55 Jan 30, 2022

This was a great story and hilariously outrageous. It was paced well and had the perfect amount of drama, love, comedy, and action. Wonderful. Wonderful.

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Kate Winchester
16:52 Jan 30, 2022

Thank you!!!

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Kate Winchester
14:14 Jan 26, 2022

I’ve never written this risqué before, so I hope it’s ok.

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