You're all that matters to me

You’re all That Matters to Me

“You did what!” I yelled at her, slamming the door behind me.  The deafening cry of her sobs made me want to throw up.  Her long curled champagne hair, perfectly framed her model like face. The tears flowed down her cheeks like a waterfall rushes off a cliff, and every tear that hit the ground below her, tore at my insides. Seeing her cry was my weakness. 

“I know Parker and I’m-.” she paused unable to look me in the eye and wiped the hot tears off of her cheeks and continued to simply say “I’m sorry.”. 

“ But why. Why would you do this to me.” I said storming off to my-our bed. I flopped down tugging at my hair in frustration. “I’ve done nothing but love you Rose.”  I harshly murmured, the tension in the room continued to build up and like a rubber band it snapped. I snapped. “Answer me!” I yelled, her flinch sent a cold regretful shiver down my spine into my feet that felt as though they were tied to the bed. As I waited for a reply I stared into the emptiness of the white ceiling pondering my thoughts. Was I not enough? Did she ever really love me? Was it something I did? As these thoughts flooded throughout my mind her quivering voice broke the silence.

“ I don’t know why I did it. But I love you Parker and not him. You and only you.”. What did she mean she didn’t know. You don’t just sleep with someone and don’t know why. 

“You don’t just hurt someone you supposedly loved like that. We’ve been together for five years. I just don’t understand how you betray me when you know I’m at home missing you, and waiting for the moment when you walk through the front door.” my voice strained as I held back the forming tears in my eyes that were threatening to fall at any moment.

She breezed by me her sweet vanilla scent filling the air around her, she spun around leaning against the dark chocolate brown walls and faced me. When I couldn’t take it anymore my mouth disobeyed my mind and spoke for me, “You’re all that matters to me Rose.”. Her eyes met mine and I couldn’t not admire her features. With her bloodshot eyes, her red puffy cheeks and hot salty tears that streaked her face as gravity pulls them to the floor she was still beautiful. Even though it was the last thing I wanted to do I got up and held her. Her petite figure felt so right against my broad chest, with unsteady breath I placed my chin on the top of her head and took a long slow breath taking in her familiar vanilla scent.

Then it hit me, she really did betray me, she really did go behind my back and cheat. Uneasy breaths released the tears from my eyes to form a silent cry. I ripped away, my body not wanting to and stormed down the narrow hallway to the kitchen. I felt my face redden and my hands were clenched so tight my knuckles turned white. Before my brain knew what was happening my fist rammed through the drywall. Next to the picture of us tacked on the fridge.

 I heard I slight yelp from behind me and like a cat I jumped, the terrified look in her eye made my stomach flip and she whispered “ Why are you this angry? I thought we were through this.”.

I trudged to the far wall and forced open the drawer. I dug around through the junk to find the velvet box staring up at me. I hesitated for a split second and grasped the box in my hand holding it against my chest where she once laid. I swiveled around and held the box higher in the air and pointed to it. Her jaw hit the floor as she slowly reached for the box, she looked almost scared of me. I pulled the box back and opened it and  the rose gold, princess cut engagement ring glimmered. 

“ This is why I am mad. I was ready to marry you, you were going to be my forever. You can’t just ask me why I am angry when I’m holding what used to be our future.”  I was getting louder as I stared down at my feet. 

I looked up to see her sad and teary eyes. “ I made a dumb mistake Parker, but I still love you and you still love me. Right?” She started to tremble and her voice kept breaking. Her sobs filled the air and then it looked like she’d seen a ghost. Her hand was drawn up to cover her mouth and the river of tears that were falling doubled. Confused I looked around and there was nothing there just the usual living room wall filled with pictures of us and the old cheap couches where we usually snuggled up and slept on.

The overwhelming memories made my voice choke up when I said “What?”

 “You’re crying” she quietly murmured. My hands flew up to my cheeks and felt the tears, she’s never seen me cry before. Thinking about how in five years she’s never seen me cry got me thinking, I couldn’t remember the last time I cried. She kept me that happy, this made me realize how much she did hurt me and she knew that. I closed the box and squeezed it in my sweaty palms, all my hurt going into that squeeze. 

“It’s over Rose.” I said sounding strangely emotionless. Her eyes swelled and tears rapidly slid down her face. 

“ Parker no.” Her shaking voice made it so much harder to tell her that we were done and it’s over.

“I think you should leave, you can get your stuff when I’m at work tomorrow.” she spun around and slowly twisted the door knob and pulled the door open. As her foot stepped through the door to the cold frigid air my anger, hurt and utter sadness overwhelmed me. She closed the door behind her and I raised my hand and threw the ring as hard as I could at the wall. Sounds of glass breaking and picture frames hitting the floor rang through the small house. I stood above the pictures staring at all the memories and crumbled to the floor. I know it will take awhile to get through this and move on. I knew that and I knew it was going to be difficult but that was that and I couldn’t change it. So I continued to lay on the glass covered floor and accepted that the love of my life just walked out the door. But deep down I still knew that she’s always going to be all that matters to me.