One Snowy Summer Day

She began having these strange dreams.

It started a few weeks ago. They were mostly just a blur and she forgot almost all of it every time she wakes up. But lately, they’re becoming more and more vivid in her mind. Unfortunately, hard as she tried, Heather just couldn’t remember what the dreams were about exactly. She could only make out one or two images. A hand. A sunny cloud. That was it.

Heather was sure of only one thing though- they were all connected.

“Are you ready to leave?” Mike, her boyfriend of five years, asked sweetly. He stood in the doorway holding a box of her things labeled “PRIVATE” which he probably thinks held her well kept diaries when in reality, it was filled with her old underwear that she’d been planning to get rid of for ages but just couldn’t seem to have the time for.

Heather knew he’d be interested to pick it up but trusts him enough not to open it. She just loved fooling him with those kinds of things from time to time. With simple, childlike things.

Mike loves her very much. That much she knows for a fact. He was the perfect man any girl could ever ask for. And that’s why it kills her so much inside to break up with him tonight.

“Yes.” she answers, smiling back.

They have packed the last of their things from her dormitory where she spent countless nights reviewing for the bar exam. Those grueling times surely paid off.

Heather took one last look at the small room and feel both melancholy and relief to be leaving this place for good.

She locked the door and walked away without a backward glance.

Mike tapped his finger on the steering wheel while he bopped his head as they listen to an indie band that he discovered this week on a music app. They were on their way to his home in Chicago where she will stay for good, or so was planned.

Heather stared at his scruffy hair, thick glasses, and straight nose. She always loved the way he gives off a sexy nerdy vibe. She kissed him on the cheek.

“What is it, sweetie?” His gentle voice, always the calm to her storm.

Heather felt something clench inside her chest just then.

“Nothing, just tired.” she looked away and leaned her head on the window before she starts sobbing. She doesn’t sob. Not ever. And she won’t start now.

They drove past high rise buildings and city lights. Between the noise of the streets and the bustle of people everywhere, wearing their best summer outfits. It’s the second week of June and already, people can’t stand the heat.

While Mike loves winter among the four seasons, Heather loved summer the most.

He said that it makes him feel excited despite how most people perceive it otherwise. Heather included. Sure, she loved cozying up near the fireplace together and building a snowman wearing Halloween costumes the way they make it, but the cold and gloomy atmosphere somehow always find it’s way to you and makes you feel lazy all the time.

Not Mike, though. Mike was at his best energetic self during winter.

She’d find him doing all sorts of things with his free time. Like cleaning the whole garage or cleaning the pool side (during winter of all times!)

Heather laughed remembering how Mike looked that time she saw him freezing in his backyard, with a broomstick in hand, greeting her with a shaky voice. “H-h-hi there. H-h-heather”

She giggled uncontrollably.

“What?” Mike asks.

“I just remembered something that happened last winter, babe.”

“About what?”

“About you.”

“Was that when I almost jumped naked into the frozen pool when I got drunk?”

Heather couldn’t stop herself from laughing out loud now. She slapped her thighs and let it all out. After the fun subsided, she wiped the tears at the corner of her eyes.

Mike was panting a little bit from laughing so hard as well.

“I miss your laughter.” he says suddenly sounding serious.

“I miss the way you make me laugh.”

Mike smiled looking pleased then he says, “I got a big surprise for you this weekend so make sure you’re wearing your best dress.”

Heather got a feeling it’s another weekend getaway. It’s been so long since they went on a trip together. Great. Now the timing to confess keeps getting harder to prepare.

“Are you sure you want to do it this weekend? I mean, we’ve been busy for the past few weeks.” she said.

“We can have plenty of rest, I promise. I just really need to do it with you this Saturday . I already booked everything and it can’t be refunded.” Mike looked very excited indeed.

“Alright.” she found herself saying.

“Great!” Mike leaned in for to kiss her quickly on the lips. Somehow, just for minute, everything felt like it would be okay.

That night, the dreams came again.

While Heather slept soundly, her eyes were moving rapidly. Inside her head, she was in a field of snow.

She looked down and saw her favorite Eskimo boots that Mike got her as present on her birthday last year. She was born on December first, a winter season, which was ironic. Heather couldn’t see a thing besides pure whiteness. There was a faint whirring sound from afar. She looked left and right and saw only the vastness of field as far the eyes can see. She knew she must walk forward.

All of a sudden, she sees a cabin with a candle flickering inside. She walked faster until she reached the large wooden door and knocked. “Hello! anyone there?”

“Come in!” a familiar voice spoke instantly.

Heather’s breath got caught in her throat. She pulled the door open and ran inside the house to get to that voice.

“There you are, sweetheart. I’ve been waiting for you.” A beautiful woman in her forties, looking the same way she looked the last time they spoke, sat at the dining table with a cup of coffee in her hand. For all the world, looking like she had never left.

“Mom.” Heather stared.

She realized this was a dream but it felt to real and if this will end soon, then she never wants to wake up. She ran and hugged her mother tightly.

“There, there, sweetie. I’m here now.”

“I miss you so much.” she mumbled in her mom’s chest.

“I know, sweetheart, I missed you too.”

They pulled back staring at each other closely. Her mom tucked a hair at the back of her ear and smiled.

“You’ve grown so beautiful. I’m so proud of you, attorney.” she said.

Heather was sobbing now. She smiled and sat on the only other chair at the table. Another cup of steaming coffee magically appeared in front of her.

“So, honey, how’s your relationship with Mike?”

The question took her by surprise. She fiddled with the teacup’s handle as she spoke, “We’re alright. I just moved to his house today.”

“How do you feel about him?”

“I love him.” Heather knew she sounded defensive. She brought the teacup to her lips and drank. It didn’t taste of anything.

“Then why do you want to leave him, sweetheart?” her mother was still smiling when she asked.

Heather wiped the tears from her eyes and sighed heavily. How long had she been waiting for someone to ask her that question?

“I don’t know. I guess because, I don’t think I can make him happy.”

“Does he make you happy?”

“He does.” her voice was almost a whisper.

“Don’t worry about us, sweetheart. Your father and I are very happy now. But we feel that you still haven’t accepted that you deserve happiness too.” Her mom held her hands tightly. “Sweetheart, listen, you are capable of loving someone and giving love back. There is so much more to life than worrying about things that are out of your control. The blessings that you have now is what makes the present worthwhile, and the future so exciting .”

Heather looked away and bit her lip. She now looked around the place and realized where she was. The old fireplace has three big red socks hooked on top of it, with names in white cursive letters. Lucinda. Anthony. Heather.

The brick walls were now free of dust and cobwebs. They looked as sturdy as she remembered them. Her toys and dolls were still at the corner table of the living room. The Christmas tree was set up and it held miniature lollipops, reindeers, golden balls and twinkling Christmas lights that she used to watch blink until she felt sleepy. A soft warm glow illuminated from the fireplace and lit up the room.

This was the old cabin where her family used to go to every winter since her first birthday. A tradition that they never miss until the year when her parents went on a trip to Paris and never came back.

Heather closed her eyes for a second and felt like she was back to being seven years old.

“Sometimes, I feel so scared to love him so much and lose him one day. I don’t think I can take that, Mom. I’d rather let him go and let someone else take better care of him than experience that kind of pain again.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want that, honey. It’s his decision to make as well.”

“I feel guilty at times too. I think, I know that I’m not giving my best in this relationship all the time. That I’m just going along like a helpless log in a tide, you know? and I don’t know where it’s gonna take me so I’m terrified to take that risk of leaping towards the shore.”

She looked at her mother and noticed that the wrinkles in her eyes were now gone. She really does look happy. She emanates some kind of glow that makes Heather feel warm and secure inside.

“I don’t know if he’s gonna be there waiting on the other side or if I’m making a fool of myself.” Heather added.

Her mom kissed her on the forehead. Then she sat up straight in her chair and starts stirring her coffee with a teaspoon.

“You’ll know the answer to that sweetheart. When the time comes, your heart will tell you the right decision to make.”

Heather just nodded even though she didn’t completely agree. She knew that your heart doesn’t make all the decisions, your mind does. So she needed to get her head straight and make sure to let Mike know that whatever she decides to do, it wasn’t his fault.

“Sweetie, I think it’s time for me to go.” her mother said.

“Wait, mom don’t leave!” their was panic and desperation in her voice.

“We never left, sweetheart.” she pointed at Heather’s chest. “We’ve always been there.”

“I still want to talk to you, mom. please don’t go.”

Her mom waved a hand and blew her a kiss. Then her vision started to blur. She reached out her hand but felt nothing.

“Look up.” her mother’s voice said.

“What?”

“Go on, look up.” she repeated.

Heather looked up and could see snow falling down fast. Then they disappeared. When she turned her head back, her mom was gone. The fire crackled in the background. Heather was alone. There was only one teacup left on the table.

Mike came home the following afternoon carrying a small fancy looking paper bag.

He kissed her and told her how beautiful she is, then ran upstairs to change his clothes. Heather didn’t ask what he bought. She wasn’t the type to overthink or be suspicious of things especially when it comes to Mike.

She thought it might be a gift for their vacation in three days. Then she remembered the surprise.

Oh no.

Oh my God.

Heather pinched the space right between her eyes and tried to calm herself down. That small package could only mean one thing.

She wasn’t fully aware of what she was doing next. Heather ran up the stairs two at a time and burst into their bedroom to find Mike halfway through putting a shirt on. The small paper bag is in the nightstand. There was a small box next to it.

She stared at it then at Mike.

“It was supposed to be a surprise.” Mike says awkwardly.

“You’re making a big mistake. You shouldn’t have.”

“What are you talking about, honey?” he asks looking confused.

“I’m not the perfect girl for you.” Heather says.

There. It was finally out. She didn’t feel any better at all saying it out loud.

“I need to let you go, Mike. I can’t do this anymore. You’re a good person and-”

“I don’t want perfect. I don’t need perfect. I just need you.” Mike cuts off. His voice sounded steady now.

“You can hate me and it’s okay. But I have to set you free before we do something we’ll both regret in the future.”

“What do you mean?” Mike looked anxious.

She started to shout.

“You’re chasing criminals all the time! Your life is always on the line and you’re lucky enough not to get killed on the job. But when you were stabbed last month trying to-to save someone else…I just couldn’t bear it.” Heather could feel hot tears dropping down on her face. Now that she’d open it up to him, she can’t find the will to stop and unleash everything she kept inside. “You don’t know what it’s like waiting on the other side of that door. I prayed for the first time in many years, that day. And I promised myself that if you ever survived that, I’ll willingly let you go.”

“I don’t understand. I love you, Heather.”

“I will never learn to accept what you do even if it’s for a noble cause. You go save their lives but as long as you’re with me, I want you to save you. Always.”

Mike was breathing heavily. “You know I can’t do that. I can’t quit this job.” he said as a fact and not to persuade her.

Heather nodded her head and tried to smile. Her voice broke when she spoke. “I know, Mike. That’s why I’m doing this.”

Mike walked slowly towards the bedside table and opened the box. Inside, was the most beautiful ring she ever saw. It was made of gold with a diamond sitting in the center. Mike pulled it out and tested it between his fingers. He went to her and placed it on her palm.

“You should keep it anyway. It belongs to you. I won’t ever ask anyone else.”

Heather’s knees collapsed right after she heard the front door closed.

The dream tonight came in sequences.

There was a family of four. They were laughing and running around while they throw snowballs at each other.

Then there was the same hand from before and it was holding something small and round. Suddenly, she was seeing a fire flickering followed by a sound of a spoon hitting a glass. Heather saw snow again and then a man knelt in front of her. Mike. He was smiling as he grabbed her left hand and placed a ring on her finger. It was so cold, she shivered and tried to go but he held her hands to keep her warm. There must be a blizzard outside the window now. Heather scooched over and buried her head on Mike’s chest.

She was in a backyard next and Mike was asking her to dance with him. She took his hand and let him guide her while the snowflakes fall down on them. Heather felt his hand go cold and then she wakes up.

She was never the kind of person to ever believe in signs, premonition, or anything of the sort, that helps you decide your future especially when it comes to love.

Heather always believed in logic and practicality. That’s what Mike often tells her fondly. “I’m so glad you’re a practical person.” he’d say.

You decide your own future.

But sometimes unexplainable events or unseen forces, fate, you might call it, decides it for you. And when it happens, it’s still your choice whether to accept it or not.

She woke up in the living room and saw snow outside the windows. They fell down on the hot pavement but didn’t melt right away. Heather thought she was still dreaming.

“Is that-

“Snow.” Mike finishes.

Heather turned around and saw Mike holding a bag pack. He was looking out the window with the same amazement and wonder in his eyes.

“Why the hell is it snowing in June?” he says.

Snow. Snowflakes. Winter. Mike.

She had been dreaming of this. In the same weather, only in a different way.

Heather went outside to look. Their neighbors were also gathered outside their houses looking at the bright sky, the blazing sun and the steady snow falling upon them.

Mike followed her. Heather turned to face him.

“Why do you love me?”

“There are a million reasons why.” He answers in a heartbeat, “I’ve loved you for so long I can’t even remember what I was doing before I met you. I just know that I want to take care of you and make you happy for the rest of my life.” Mike’s eyes were puffy and swollen.

She touched his cheeks softly.

“I want to spend all my sleeping and waking moments beside you if you’ll let me.” he adds.

Heather has only ever loved one man in her entire life. Life is all about risks as long as you know in your heart that it’s the right decision to make. She smiled and brushed a snowflake from his eyelashes.

Heather closed her eyes and kissed him. She's ready now.