The 20th Chapter

TW: Suicide

Janaiah Celine’s

Life consists of different chapters to create one book, our own stories. In my case, I’m on the 20th chapter of my story. I’ve come a long way right? But not really.

This chapter was a complete disaster. It made me go crazy. And I only have few more days to make it better before it closes. So, I’ve set goals. Goals I was supposed to have finished throughout the year.

Take a trip alone, spend more time with your family, bond with your best friend, and talk it out with him.

These are my goals, pretty easy, huh? It’s not. Because I am not like any other person out there. I was one who doesn’t know how to really show my love for people. That’s why they tend to leave…

 I decided to start off with what I think is the easiest one, going to my best friend. Ellaine has always been the closest to me. Even though we were the complete opposite of eah other, we somehow got along without slicing each other’s neck.

Her house was just beside mine so I just needed to walk over. 

“Ellaine!” I called onto her from their front door. The doorbell, can’t serve it’s purpose. I’m always better. And in amatter of seconds, she was already in front of me in her pajamas and a cute smile. However, her eyes were still slightly closed. It’s too early, I guess.

“Why are you here so early?” She asked and covered her mouth to yawn. She just then clung on my arms and took me in.

“Mom, Aiah is here!” She informed her mother who just shouted ‘Enjoy!’ back.

“So what’s up?” She immediately asked and let herself fall on her bed. I did the same beside her.

“Well, I’ve got a list of things to do. Help, please?” I asked and looked at her with pleading eyes.

“I’m not your best friend for nothing.” She said and immediately got up and took my phone from me. She knew my password so it was an easy thing for her to do.

“You see, these three are easy things to do. But this.” She pointed at my last goal, “ This, you sure about this?” Honestly, I also don’t know the answer to her question. I was confused of my feelings.

I took a deep sigh so she did too.

“Whatever, let’s finish the others first and think about that later.” She said and pulled my skin to make my lips form a smile.

The next morning, I was all ready to go on a trip to refresh my soul… and my heart. This whole chapter of my life was just about me trying to move on. But I never did. I was never able to mo move on from all the memories of us.

Because I will hold on to those ‘til the day I die.

As I stare at the pink sky above me, my mind started flashing back the memories of yesterday.

“Janaiah Celine, I Tristan Edward, promise to marry you under the pink sky. Under your favorite sky. For we shall have a good weather above us the days after our marriage.” He flashed his sweet smile before me making my heart melt.

“Do you know why pink skies are my favorite?” I asked as I hold his hand and look up at the sky.

“No. Why, love?” He answered looking at the sky as well.

“because my skies were once blue. Sad and lonely. But you painted them pink. Fun and full of love.” I said and looked to him with a bright smile. He then pulled me in and kissed my fore head.

“I love you, my Celine.” He mumbled in my ears as we watch the sun set together, hand in hand.

I unconciously looked at my hands. Now, there was no one to hold them tight. No one was there to keep it warm. He let go of me, he let go of my love.

Even before I knew it, tears were already crawling down my face. This trip just made me remember him all over again. Gosh, this was supposed to be a happy trip.

But I was still happy, anything that reminds me of him make me happy. Even if it hurts, I was happy. Because it was all memories of the man I love. They were all memories of Tristan Edward. My Tristan Edward, but not anymore.

I had to go home the day after because it was the holiday season. It’ll be the time I can spend with my family.

“Happy Holidays!” I greeted them as soon as I got home. My younger sister immediately rushed to me, giving me a tight hug.

“Happy Holidays, Aiah.” She greeted back. Only she was there. My parents were no where near to greet me. Oh I forgot, I was not important to them. I was only important to my best friend, my sister and to Tristan, but that was before.

After playing with my sister, I went up to my room.I closed the door to make sure no one would enter.

I silently laid down on my bed while the tears fell from my eyes. I was rethinking over my journey in this chapter. It has been hell.

With the tears continously flowing, I took out pieces of pen and paper. I started writing my thoughts down and letters for each of the important people in my life. Mom, Dad, Sis, Ell, and Tris.

I mustered up all my courage and walked my way to Tristan’s house. As I arrive at their front gate, I shattered my heart once more.

He was happy. He looked so happy with her… wife. He’s soon to be a father now. He’s fulfilling our dreams but with a different woman. He’s happy…but not with me.

“Happy Holidays.” I uttered in a small voice as I turn around, not wanting to see more. 

My steps lead me somewhere high. Somewhere where I felt free. Where I felt the cold breeze embracing me. I felt it’s comfort. 

And I wanted more of that comfort. I took a step up, and walked closer to the edge. I am now closing this chapter. I was finally able to finish my book.

“Aiah. Aiah.” I heard Ellaine’s sobs beside me. I was on the floor lying in the cold ground.

“Tell them that I gave them their early present.” I said and tried to smile before my last moments. 

I was now a finished story, ready to be told.