Change

Dear Diary,

No. That sounds ridiculous. I sound like I’m in middle school or something. How about I call you Di?

Why did I pose that as a question? As if you could even respond? Maybe I am crazy.

Di-

Hello, it’s me. As always. Sometimes. Maybe. Well this is off to a great start. Forget it. It’s not like anyone but me will see this and judge me. Future me will just judge past me as if future me has a leg to stand on because past me is still a part of future me and not a separate entity.

Ugh. This is getting confusing. (Also: that rhymed!)

Anyways, today I learned that we have approximately four hours left to live. Technically live. If you count living as breathing and moving about. You see we (my family and I) are about to be put into cryogenic sleep for a long time. Our bodies will be stored in pods and carried upon a ship where we will be taken to the next great colony of human civilization. I’m sitting here writing this on the front blank page in my favorite book because I don’t actually have a notebook. But I figured in case something goes horribly wrong (and future me doesn’t get to re-read this) then at least someone may find my book and the nervous last ramblings of me.

I guess I really should have said “to whom it may concern” like a last will and testament or something.

I don’t want to think about it. So let me write down what I hope.

I hope the new colony is beautiful. I hope we don’t have to wear sustaining suits to be outside the complex. I hope there are plants that we can eat and wildlife that I can keep as pets. I hope to see my family again. I hope mother will nag me about my room or studies and I hope father will watch on in silence. I hope my sister tries to come into my room so many times that my door handle breaks. I hope things stay the same, but I hope things are different at the same time.

Weird isn’t it? That I wish for both something old and something new. I hope we don’t change, but I hope for a new environment. Won’t a new environment force us to change? Things will be different no matter what.

They say that we won’t age much in the cryogenic sleep. That we’ll fall asleep and then wake up as if nothing has changed. But everything will have changed really. New stars, new moons, new sun, new planet, new year, new century even. But our bodies won’t have changed. Our personalities will be the same. At least I hope.

I’ll save the last blank page for when we get there.

Di-

Wow it’s been a long time since not only I wrote this, but since I woke up. Waking from cryogenic sleep takes a few months. Not to mention the physical therapy to regain muscle movement. Honestly, after waking, settling into the new accommodations and creating a new normal took forever. By the time we had unpacked, I had forgotten I had even written in this book. I guess I should write the conclusion now.

It was difficult coming out of the cryogenic sleep. Not only was it a struggle for all of us, but when we were conscious, they told us my sister was having a hard time. She didn’t wake when expected and her body didn’t adjust back to normal correctly. She was still hospitalized even after we all finished physical therapy. Eventually she got better, but she can’t play sports like she used to and that caused a long depression to follow. I was worried for a while. Instead of her bothering me, it was me bothering her. eventually, she found joy in analysis of games, plays and players. She works with the coaches and individual players of her teams to help them improve. I think she might continue to do so even after university.

I continued to live with my parents for a while, but got married eventually. To one of my sister’s nurses actually. The new environment had me scared for a while. And with my sister struggling to adjust and our dynamic changed, I didn’t want to leave the small piece of familiarity I had. I didn’t actually want to date at all. But he made me feel better about the new place and my sisters small improvements. It helped that he had been at the colony for a few years already. He gave me the confidence and bravery to explore the new world.

My parents are the same. My mother took to the new environment as if nothing had changed at all. She kept saying that my sister would be fine after she was released. I think she wanted everything to be normal with us so she could feel normal as well. I’m not sure it was the most healthy way of dealing with the changes. Dad is still silent, but he holds onto us more often now. A hand at my shoulder with a light squeeze, as if reminding us and himself that this is reality now.

Some of my hopes became reality. We don’t need to wear the sustaining suits anymore! Scientists final finished a dome like shield that keeps the dangerous stuff out. We’ve bred the native plants to do well in a less poisonous environment so we still have the native plants inside the dome too. Also: I have a pet! A small lizard-like creature that is native to the colony land that is now my pet. It stares at me a lot and kinda freaks me out. But he’s a good listener. His name is Fred. He doesn’t move much. Kinda like a lizard turtle really. But hey, it’s a pet right?

Things did change, but I guess I didn’t realize that time changes us as much as anything else. My sister has been well for about a year now and though she is more subdued now, she still annoys me. I got married and my parents might be grandparents soon. Change seems to come for us all.

I’m running out of page space so I’ll just say this. To whoever is reading this: change happens to everything and everyone. Sometimes it gets worse and sometimes it gets better. But it is unavoidable. And though scary, be brave and know that only you can choose how the changes redefine you and your relationships.