The sky is filled with the most radiant colors. There is an assortment of pink, yellow and orange. I have not seen a sunset in a very long time. I never knew what I was missing. There is something about watching the days turn to nights that fill me with an odd sensation of joy.
It is that break in the day where everything changes. The animals start to come out and certain flowers bloom in the darkness of the night. People start to go into there homes. Some become dominant in the night like the trees in winter others become alive like a nocturnal animal feasting at the flesh of its prey.
The way everything changes not only in this break of day but the seasons too. Right now as mother nature is welcoming in the wonderful season of spring. Things start to come alive. The trees start to bloom as they wake up from there dormant stages of life and bring out their inner beauty.
There are children playing by the nearby trees which have not yet fully bloomed. I watch as they climb to the top of the tree and pick off the green pea-like buds and throw them on the ground. I find it intriguing to see how much your mind changes as an adult. To me, they are killing what could turn to beautiful flowers but to them, they see no harm and are just having a little fun.
I keep walking to see that there are more people than expected. I don’t know what it is but people seem much nicer around this time. Most of the time I hold this strong hatred for everyone around probably because most people are fairly shitty but not at this time of day.
I see a couple sitting in the nearby patch of grass. It looks to be that they are having a picnic. They look good together although looks can be deceiving. They could be the worst couple but I guess I’ll never know. Even if they are, at least they have the looks going for them. That is the kind of date I could only dream of. I’ve never really had much luck with love nor do I care for it much. I guess I just don’t see much a point in it but sometimes I see things like that and it really makes me want to have someone to do those kinds of things with. Yes, I have friends and we have gone out before but it’s not the same. having someone just want to hug you, kiss you, and love you for yourself. I’ve never had that.
As I keep walking I see the nearest lone bench and decide to sit down. When I sit on the bench, I fell the touch of the cold metal bench through my thin black pants which startles me at the touch. The bench is facing the middle of the park so I have a fairly nice view of everything.
The trees are all kinds of beautiful colors including blues, purples, pinks, and even white flower buds. The flowers are blooming as well. There is a petty bush with purple and blue camellias on them. There is something about nature that makes me feel included, a part of something. I rarely feel that way around people. I just don’t fit in with everyone else.
I watch the sun go down when it is almost dark I start to walk some more and see a lone bird struggling for life in the middle of the path. I knew there was nothing for me to do. Imagine getting to the end of your life and being alone. It makes me think if I died, would anyone really notice.
I have roommates but they are usually at some kind of club. I only have one really good friend, Benjamin but I call him Benji. He works with me at the New York Times. He and I are in the music and arts department together. He’s the best. We go to the bar a lot. I actually helped him find a boyfriend and they’ve been dating ever since. I say I don’t need a man to make me happy but god, sometimes I want it. I’ve dated a lot of people but only one was long term. That was the last relationship I was in. I could never bring myself to date anyone else.
As I keep walking to where it is almost dark out I notice how green the lushes grass is. I step over the small black gate which outlines the innermost of the park and sits on the ground. I watch what was left of the light fade away which turns to dark. As I run my hand through the grass it feels soft, almost like a blanket of which covers all around me. The way the grass covers the ground so perfectly is amazing to me. I know that it is treated and cared for by the ones of which cure the grass but it still feels perfect.
I see many fireflies that fill the night sky. Almost like floating stars flying all around me. They are a very soft color of light. The way they appear to be floating amazes me. Its almost as if the darkness shows off their true beauty. For most, they are covered by the dark but they are truly beautiful. I wish I could do that, I wonder how it would make me feel? How could anything be so covered by the dark but shown so promptly at the same time?
It is too dark now to keep walking so I decided to go back to my apartment. Before I leave, I take a few minutes to smell the smells and feel the grass once more. Maybe someday I will find something that means as much to me as nature of which surrounds me and gives me a place to feel special. Living in New York you don’t get a lot of moments like these. I love the city but sometimes a breath of fresh air is all you need to make you feel alive.