At the beginning of summer at 8:00PM to be exact, Reseda, a middle age man came home to a cheap flat with a bag of coors bought at a mini mall that is next to another kind of mini mall. A refrigerator and a storefront for storing breads whose quality is not guaranteed. Owned by a person who is about 30 years old, aka 20 years younger than him. Fat body, thick black beard irregular, mullet hair irregular back with a modest ability. The place where he lives is indeed swarmed by Mexican immigrants who try their luck in cheap places, at least to guarantee a better quality of life in the hope of moving to Echino Hills, where the rich gather with stately homes. Every residence is inhabited by important people, so you will not be bored to see every sight there is. Even a child who has no friends can smile and pedal a tape recorder to a song from the 1970s. Echino Hills, 1979, a 12-year-old boy in a red shirt with white stripes on both shoulders, short tuxedo pants with 1970s blonde hair, but hasn't been tricked into looking more attractive. The child's name is Tony Lawrence. Tall skinny, but arguably ideal for his age, may take shape if he is in his early teens and beyond if he can maintain it. It's not uncommon for 17-18 year olds to reach the best shape of their lives two decades later or gain weight from infrequent exercise with ever-increasing apetite. Down the street with a very beautiful summer atmosphere, eliminating the silence of his mind. I don't know what caused him to experience a very lack of socialization. What's wrong? His thoughts? Can be. The tape recorder hanging from his right shirt pocket, he set to the Boston song, Don't Look Back:
"Don't look back, a new day has arrived, it's been too long since I've felt this way. I don't mind, the path I take. The road is calling, today is the day. I can see, it took me a long time just to realize, I was too strong not to compromise now I see what I'm holding. I'll turn it around (Oh, yes, I will). I finally saw the dawn coming. I saw behind the road I was driving.”
There was something a little awkward between the song he was listening to and what he was experiencing, but it wasn't entirely wrong either. What is clearly visible is that the sun is setting while what is happening is summer where the sun is still shining on the part where it is located to a certain radius. Second, his situation can be said to be optimistic nihilistic, smiling but what he experienced was only one, cycling around the housing where he lived, stopping at the line of malls in Reseda, then returning home. The routine he has been doing since 6 years. Previous? Of course staying at home, watching television, people's routines in general. A mansion that looks good doesn't mean it's good inside. Physically fulfilled, even excessive even though he is not so proud and passionate about doing anything. So what's the problem with it? Starting from West Valley elementary school, 1973-1979. While what he is experiencing is summer vacation after graduating from elementary school to middle school. How long will this nihilism last? I have no idea. But his face always looks hopeful and waiting for the opportunity behind the routine he has been doing for the last 6 years. Roller skaters, drum bands, and so on. From his interest, it is clear that he actually wants to adapt, adjust to the social environment, but his thoughts are blocking it. Yes, Social Anxiety. A disorder in which a person is always afraid when interacting or at least dealing with a group of people, as if they will be beaten to a pulp. An extraordinary paradox that few people realize, but at the same time many experience it. When people are too afraid in their lives, they are self-doubt about every opportunity to do something that is optional, not forced, at the risk of putting everything in danger, but not necessarily. Even if it's bad. Bad luck doesn't always lead to bad luck. Bad luck does not mean the end of everything. The concept of chronological time, causality is indeed very complicated. It could be someone who ran out of fuel in his vehicle, was forced to push him to a house a dozen kilometers away. But 5 minutes later he met someone interesting, or even an acquaintance he had been waiting for since middle school. Or someone with a mental disorder that forces him to check school supplies, then take a long time to go home by public transport, then meet whoever he wants. If that moment just passed, then a year later after the resolution that was made in a year remembered again, intending to do it. A woman who seems to have a big crush on a man in middle school, could be the man who then tries to form a romantic relationship in high school. It's very complicated and complex. Tony only realized it in his first year of high school. It's not at all too late, in fact there are many out there who notice it much longer. Middle aged, or even elderly. Very lucky and rare. There must be something unique and different from other children his age. Although Obsessive Compulsive Disorder still suppresses his development, there have been several attempts, even progress. Don't think that every progress is stuck or flatline. It's all going through. Every mistake he faced started from very wrong, wrong, quite right, to very right. When the flatline first hits, it's not uncommon for burnout to occur, making any excuses that drastically increase dopamine, but regretting it at the same time. Some of the discoveries he found were through personal experience before the internet, so it was very difficult to learn from others who were more experienced. Optimistic views are nihilistic, stoicism, philosophies that generally come from ancient Greek civilization. Of course, one of them is very influential, often underestimated. Of course the impact changes to the "Butterfly Effect", it takes a very long time. Normal people in general rarely think about this, wanting not evolution but revolution. Very rarely do people think long before blaming someone, positive or negative. Why positive? There is one view called “Toxify Positive”. Here's a simplex illustration. Have you ever seen an illustration of a person with an unattractive appearance, looking in the mirror, then pasted on the mirror with positive words, such as "You're beautiful", "you're looking good", and so on. Positive meaning, seems to increase self-confidence, but indirectly becomes a motivation junkie. I, Tony, have a very strange feeling for people enjoying it. Very anti-books that openly clearly state positive thinking, even up to the title, let alone the word "motivation". It feels like he porridge eaten by the sick must always be provoked to vomit it. I learned it all in my first year of high school. How about middle school? I thought it was a mess at the time. However, from the second year to the third year of high school summer vacation, there was one discovery that seemed very unlikely to be revealed, but luckily it was revealed. With this big discovery, big changes were experienced. Chances are very small because this habit has a positive and negative impact at the same time. Nothing but a feeling of revenge and thinking more about people who don't like and hate than those who like and love. Positively, they are always encouraged to make themselves aware to always develop for their own good with unfavorable goals, namely showing off and making them regret. While the negative, the first thing to realize is the developmental barrier because it is filled with bad thoughts. The breath feels shorter, so that less oxygen is channeled to the brain, of course, it will greatly hinder both thinking and physical activity. In addition, some people who are actually good become disgusted and immediately think of them as arrogant when in fact there are two possibilities, social anxiety or discovery. The most recent I realized was in the summer of 1984, on the beach near the reefy apartment, at sunset, with a tape recorder playing Cruel Summer from Bananarama. One of the most famous and successful British brand groups of its time, adapted to my circumstances with some achievements that have not been shown to anyone. I did it on purpose not because I was worried about other people's opinions, on the contrary, I tried not to care about other people's opinions purely for their own pleasure. Actually, through the experiences of oneself and others, one can sharpen the mind to analyze constructive criticism or just pleasure to bring down others. In addition, for the next few years I will try not to thirst for recognition like teenagers in general who are obsessed with becoming a top student who ends up in the year book. One day it will be done with a bigger and better purpose. By the way I'm not coors drunk, but I don't know, maybe a normal headache.