Adventure Fiction Funny

Earth would be a brilliant place to hold the intergalactic market place except for a few things

  1. Humans prefer traveling for trade
  2. It’s an overpopulated planet
  3. The weather isn’t similar throughout the planet ranging from ‘freezing’ cold to ‘searing’ heat
  4. They were relatively new to the whole intergalactic trade thing


Negyxo-erm was entranced by the human species. 

For the following reasons;

  1. They are adorable
  2. They are so...dim-witted, especially the younger ones 
  3. They cried and laughed at inanimate object

So when he was given the opportunity to trade with one, (that meaning he will be a guide more or less for a 22 year old man named ‘Harold, call me Harry’) he seized it.  

The Human was slim by human standards- with hair the color of the shriveled leaves on the Earth trees. (He had been to Earth before, he was very much confused on why the trees have changed health shape and color within a few months. It took quite a while to truly grasp the concept.) And big ball on the front of his head, the color of the Earths' soil. He calls them 'eye balls'- he's seem them on other species of of course. But it looked distinctly more 'naked' on humans. More vulnerable.

He also asked a lot of questions- even in his coarse clumsy tongue. All of the human speech was stilted and chunky- not at all the smooth buzz of his home planet.

At first meeting, ‘Harold, call me Harry’ had bared his teeth and went into offensive stance. Extending his lean stick of meat to him. Like any sensible Negoria-z’x he had backed away, hissing in warning.

Sandra, the lady in charge of the Head of Intergalactic Earth diplomacy explained that the baring of teeth is a symbol of friendship. And the extension of the limb called hand was a sign of respect.

Negyxo-erm had offered one of his tentacles but ‘Harold, call me Harry’ assured him that a wave- another way to greet others- is sufficient.

And of course he knew that the human might be unsettled- it was a large, loud, and probably too much for the small narrow-minded creature. But ‘Harold, call me Harry’ was adapting pretty well, smiling exuberantly at everything he saw. 

That was, of course, the last time Negyxo-erm saw the sack of meat with an IQ and big laugh. Now… he was missing.

Negyxo-erm was frantic- going to every species of alien. Every single vendor- even the sketchy ones- and asking if they have seen ‘a human’ and has shown him the hologram of ‘Harold, call me Harry’. 

Some species just shook their heads, others crooned over the hologram- because it really was adorable- and most just ignored him.

Negoria-z’xs were hardly ever considered fearsome creatures. With their slim tall builds and cool scaly exterior, and no particularly dangerous asset. Besides their mind, that is. But any creatures can have a fearsome mind- it just comes more naturally to some creatures than others. 

“Harold, call me Harry!” He hollered in both human and alien and in his native tongue. Hoping that the young human was still alive, it’d be a scandal if the first human to ever enter the intergalactic market was killed. “Where are you?!”

Slithering across the floor, granite prickling his tentacles. He looked long an wide for the slim human but it seemed that he had indeed lost -

“Report to the Front for a chance to win a….human! Look at this young boy- isn’t he adorable?”

A sneeze sounded from the sound amplifying device, and so did the crooning of the announcer “Awww! Adorable!”

“E-ey! I am a man- not a boy.”

“Look! It speaks!”


Negyxo-erm perked, he recognized that voice. It was the distinct high smooth voice of the human species. 

Slithering even faster, he rushes to the front where yes- indeed there was ‘Harold, call me Harry’ sitting petulantly on a chair.

He was saying something no one can properly hear but the mic caught the last part.

“I am not a prize to be won! Ooh- I always wanted to say that!”

The Announcer, a fashionable woman from the sauna-esque pits of Taterzwan- inhabitants are creatures of pale red human-like skin with wire sharp hair and black eyes, a blue slit acting as the pupil. “Every one of you will come up here and try to elict a friendly reply from this creature!”

Humans showed amusement very easily- at least this one did. 

Negyxo-erm was doomed.

The first competitor came on up, he did a strange dance that got a positive response from the crowd.. And the human too. 

Baring of teeth- on Earth means joy.

But they don’t know that!

Negyxo-erm watched anxiously as 'Harold, call me Harry' smiled politely and outright laughed at most. One time he had a confused expression, but bared his teeth in a smile last minute in a human attempt at being polite. So all, have been disqualified.

'Harold, call me Harry' hasn't heard the terms of the contest, he couldn't understand the alien language. Even if the aliens did faintly understand the many dialects of Earth. English, Hindi, and Spanish most popularly.

Eventually it was Negyxo-erm’s turn, he was barely up on the platform before ‘Harold, call me Harry’ threw a fit. Fists flying t hsi sides, feet stomping childishly on the ground, face red with exertion. Negyxo-erm recognized it as irritation, fear and anger. But the crowd… the crowd thought it was a dance to show his joy.

He won, promptly. Dodging their question as he rushed to his aircraft;

“How did you do it?”

Someone answered for him; “Negoria-z’xs are very clever!”

“Can I pet it?”

… Least to say, his 'pet' was not pleased.


"Can you not tell everyone about what happened back there?" ‘Harold, call me Harry’ asked anxiously.

Negyxo-erm steered the space esse back to Earth, his attention focused on the wheel. Negyxo-erm felt a pang of sympathy for the human- "Check the InterGalacticWeb" he instructed.

‘Harold, call me Harry’ did, paling by what he saw "W-what?"

"What's the term again? Oh yes, i'm afraid you are the new 'cat video'."

"It has an infinity sign- for the views. That's infinity."

"Yes, you are quite-"


November 11, 2020 23:13

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