The Pigeon

The pigeon was back.

The nursing staff of Downtown Pediatric Urgent Care peeked over the receptionist’s desk. They whispered quietly, not wanting to draw the attention of their stalker. They attempted to piece together an exit strategy, but it was nearing midnight. They had worked two double shifts, back-to-back, and their minds were hazy from the exhaustion.

The nurses had just finished cleaning all but one exam room. The last patient of the night, an adorable asthmatic named Teagan, was nearing the end of his breathing treatment. The nurses were eager to clock-out and proceeded to go down the list of closing procedures while they waited for the breathing treatment to finish running. It was when they began cleaning the lobby that they realized their old foe, Peggy the Pigeon, was standing outside the glass doors of the clinic.

Peggy stood on his one leg under the sole light of the parking lot. His feathers were disheveled, and his bulging, lazy-eye seemed to scrutinize the nurses’ every move.

“We could empty one of the boxes in the storage room and try to catch it,” Shannon suggested.

“That’s a good idea. Maybe we can use some food as bait. I have chips!” Renee offered.

“But what do we do with it once we catch it?” Ashley

questioned. “You guys remember what happened last time.”

The three of them fell silent for a moment as they recalled the horror of the previous attack.

“I have a scar!” Shannon remarked. “I had to take antibiotics!”

“So much bird crap,” Renee whispered, almost inaudibly.

The nurses’ thought bubbles burst with the sound of a timer going off in the nurses’ station.

“That’s the end of the breathing treatment. I’ll go vital the patient,” Ashely said.

As Ashley walked past the front of the desk, the pigeon crept closer to the door. Ashley walked sideways like a crab as she didn’t dare turn her back on Peggy.

“I’m watching you,” Ashley said, gesturing with her hands.

Peggy flapped his wings menacingly and charged the door. The thud resonated loudly throughout the clinic. Ashley squealed and took off running down the hall towards the patient’s exam room.

Dr. Davidson, hearing the commotion, stepped out of her office and into the lobby. Her glasses slipped to the end of her nose as she rubbed the dark circles under her eyes.

“What are you ladies going on about?” she inquired.

Dr. Davidson’s gaze followed the pointing fingers of the nurses.

“Oh for the love of-,“ Dr. Davidson threw up her hands. “Not this again! Shoo! Go away!”

Dr. Davidson stood with her hands on her hips, daring Peggy to misbehave. The pigeon began to twitch neurotically. 

“Dr. Davidson,” Shannon hissed. “You made him angry!”

The doctor scoffed.

Ashley called from the back of the clinic, signaling that the patient was ready for discharge instructions and prescriptions. Dr. Davidson adjusted the stethoscope around her neck and straightened her back. She held her head high, claiming a premature victory over the pigeon.

“I need you two to get rid of that bird so that Teagan and his mom can get to their car without any trouble,” Dr. Davidson said walking away.

“Us!?” Shannon cried. “I don’t want to go out there! I’m too pretty to die!”

Dr. Davidson had already entered the patient’s room and was unable to hear the objection.

Sensing Shannon’s fear, Renee stood up with false bravado, puffing out her chest. Renee grabbed a broom from the corner and began approaching the door. The pigeon stopped twitching and became as still as a statue. Renee locked eyes with her enemy.

“Tell my kids I love them,” Renee said ominously as she placed her hand on the door.

Renee attempted to squeeze out the door quickly, blocking the open space with her body in hopes that she could prevent Peggy from getting inside. The pigeon began squawking demonically and flapping his wings. Renee thrust the broom at Peggy, but the bird managed to slip between her legs like an octopus. The perimeter had been breached.  

Shannon let out a scream as the pigeon began to fly haphazardly through the lobby, slamming into walls and chairs. Feathers began to fly and Renee started to swing the broom like a sword. The pigeon was an expert in evading capture; however, and Renee only managed to strike one of the lamps. The front of the clinic went dark.

Shannon made for a quick retreat, but was stopped in her tracks when Dr. Davidson flung open the exam room’s door. Shannon fell to the ground, a goose egg developing rapidly on her forehead. 

“What happened!?” Dr. Davidson shouted over the chaos.

Teagan peered out from behind the doctor, his curiosity heightened. His mother was not so amused. She looked down at Shannon in bewilderment. With the attention of the adults diverted, Teagan wandered off.

“I said get rid of the bird, not let it inside!” Dr. Davidson yelled before kneeling down to inspect the state of her nurse.

Shannon gave Dr. Davidson a sheepish smile and thumbs-up sign. The doctor helped Shannon up onto a chair and checked her eyes with a pen light. Her pupils were equal and reacting to light appropriately. The skin from the bump was intake. A little ibuprofen and an ice pack should be enough, Dr. Davidson hoped.

“I found a flashlight!” Ashley called.

Ashley turned on the flashlight and pointed it towards Renee. Renee stood among the wreckage of the lobby, breathing heavily from her efforts. To their horror, Peggy was nowhere to be seen.

“Is it okay if we leave?” Teagan’s mom asked wearily.

“Yes. Yes of course!  I am so sorry about all of this,” Dr. Davidson began.

“Wait. Where’s my son?” the woman said, turning in circles. “He was just here!”

Dr. Davidson looked at Shannon. Shannon shrugged.

“Teagan? Teagan where are you?” his mother called.

“It’s okay, mom. I’m over here!”

Ashley turned the light in the direction of the young voice. Teagan beamed with pride. In his arms was Peggy. The pigeon contently pecked away at a graham cracker that the boy held up to him. The entire medical team watched in awe as the bird that had terrorized them not once, but twice, was so easily subdued by a seven-year-old. The years of schooling and training had not prepared them for something like this.

“Can we keep him, mom?” Teagan asked.

“Absolutely not,” his mother said. “Put that thing down now. It could have parasites!”

Teagan let out a disappointed groan as he walked slowly towards the exit.   The boy calmly opened the door and released Peggy into the night. The pigeon flew away without a second thought, satisfied with mayhem he had caused, for now.