Hayley

“Oh my God I’m going to miss you soooooo much!” Said the girl, throwing her arms around the boy and hugging him tightly. She kissed him, straight on the lips.

“I’ll miss you too, Hayley,” said the boy, arm around his girlfriend’s waist.

He opened his passport again and scrutinized the boarding pass sandwiched between the second and third page, eyes scanning for the gate number.

C13…, his eyes looked up to the black sign hanging above him, with fluorescent lime-green dots arranged into a combination of characters: C13.

Looks like I’m in the right place.

He turned back to his boarding pass and checked every detail for the seemingly hundredth time.

To: Heathrow Airport, yep, From: Pearson Airport, yep, Name of Passenger: Levi/David, yep that’s me, Boarding time: 21:00, he turned to his watch, yep, Date: June 15^th, whew it would’ve been bad if I got that part wrong.

Satisfied that he was in the right place at the right time, he turned back to his girlfriend, their limbs still intertwined. Normally they were self-conscious about being too affectionate in public, especially with so many people around, but today was special.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make lots of money, so I’ll be able to fly you out to London to see me, first class of course, and we’ll eat at all the best Michelin-starred restaurants around town.”

“And I’ll be driven around in your new Mercedes?”

“Uh, I think I’ll be able to afford Uber Black?”

They both laughed.

“December 15^th, don’t you forget it, I’m coming to getcha,” she said.

“I’ll never forget.”

Their conversation was interrupted by a fuzzy voice over the intercom.

“Flight AZ451 from Toronto Pearson to London Heathrow is starting to board, Flight AZ451 from Toronto Pearson to London Heathrow is starting to board.”

A click was heard as the microphone was placed back into its spot.

“I’ll miss you,” he said.

“I’ll miss you too.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He picked up his carry-ons, four Brooks Brothers suits tied together to technically count as one item, and his backpack for miscellaneous travel items.

On the plane, he spent a few minutes scrolling through the in-flight entertainment options. He switched his TV off, leaned back his seat, closed his eyes, and let his mind wander.

“No ma, I’m not going to be a bank teller,” he said. He rolled his eyes; this was the fifth time explaining his new job to her.

“Then what will you be doing there?” asked his mother.

“I’m working in a turnaround fund. We solicit monies from large institutional money managers such as pension funds and sovereign wealth funds, deploy the capital into distressed firms, then make operational improvements that allow us to save the company while also earning extranormal returns for our investors…”

His mother kept the supportive smile, but her eyes were clueless.

“Is it a big company?” she asked.

“Ma, I told you we keep deal teams lean so profits are spread over fewer employees…”

Another clueless stare.

“I’m so proud of you anyways,” she said. “I know you worked really really hard for this. Just know that we’ll always be here to support you no matter what alright?”

“Of course, ma.”

Seven hours later, the flight landed, and he made his way to his apartment. Upon entering his unit on the 30^th floor, he toured his unit to familiarize himself with his new home.

It’s a pretty standard apartment, he thought to himself. He walked back into his bedroom and noticed that the windows facing the street led to a balcony. He opened them and walked to the railings. He looked down.

Whew, that’s quite the drop.

He walked back into his room and closed the sliding glass doors. He finished unpacking his belongings, jumped into his bed, and looked for Hayley on his phone.

“Hey I just finished unpacking!” He messaged.

There was no reply. He glanced at the clock standing on top of his dresser across the room. It was 9:17 AM.

Ah crap that’s right, it’s like, 4 AM back in Toronto or something.

He scrolled through the rest of his friends list to see who might be online. Nobody. He stayed lying in his bed for a while, thinking of something to do. He turned on his phone again and flipped to the calendar: his job starts in three days. Getting out of bed, he decided to acquaint himself with the foreign city.

While perusing the mall he walked into a pet store. He absentmindedly browsed the store’s wares when a blue betta fish caught his attention.

“Hayley,” read the tag. He looked at the adjacent fish. The fish to the right was named John, and the next fish Coco.

He checked the price tag; it was only £2.

Well, it’s not like I have any other friends in this city so I guess you’ll be the first one.

He purchased the fish.

Back in his apartment, he set the fish next to the clock on the dresser; he glanced at the time: it was 1:12 PM. He whipped out his phone.

“Morning honey,” he texted.

“Morning!!!”

“I miss you so much right now.”

“I miss you too.”

“Hey guess what?”

“What’s up?”

“I got a new fish”

“Really, show pics!!!”

“Yeah, it was named after you at the pet store, do you think I should rename it?”

“Nah, I like it. Don’t forget to feed it!”

“I won’t, actually, I’ll just set a timer right now for 8:00 AM every morning.” Every morning following that, David woke up before eight to feed his fish.

On the first day of work, David made sure to check himself thoroughly in the mirror before leaving. He wore his best Brooks Brothers suit; it was blue, which he matched with a white shirt, brown shoes, and brown belt. He fed the fish.

He arrived at his office at 8:45 AM; a man in a grey suit came out to receive him.

“Hi, my name is Jack, I’m an associate, why the hell are you late,” asked Jack.

David checked his watch with a slight frown on his face and eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement.

“But, I’m not?”

“Listen here kid, we don’t start at nine here, the rest of the new analysts are already working.”

“Sorry sir, it won’t happen again sir.”

He was led to his desk, or rather, a section of a big desk separated only by everybody’s opinion of how close you could be to your neighbour and still be comfortable. Jack was right, everybody else was already there; three other new analysts shared the table. Jack left to attend to his own affairs.

David put on his biggest smile and reached his arm across the table for a handshake.

“Hey I’m David, nice to meet you.”

“Hey I’m Oliver, why are you wearing brown shoes?”

“What?”

“Your shoes, they’re brown.”

“So?”

“Don’t wear brown to town man, are you new here?”

“Wait, turn around,” said the analyst beside David, “is that an American cut suit?”

“What’s an American cut suit?” David asked, hugging his suit closer to himself.

The accusatory analyst stared at David blankly. “Oh. I’m Harry by the way.”

“I’m Ethan,” said the last analyst, “what’s your background? I graduated from Oxford and did last summer at Goldman.”

“London School of Economics, Barclays,” said Harry

“Cambridge. JP Morgan,” said Oliver.

“I’m from Schulich and worked in operations at Saputo last summer,” said David.

Blank faces stared back at him.

“Is Saputo some regional investment bank or asset manager?” asked Oliver.

“Uh, no, it’s a dairy company in Canada.”

More blank stares.

He got home that night at 1:37 AM. He dragged himself to bed, tugged off his suit jacket, and fell on his bed.

“God, I’m exhausted as all hell,” he said, to no one in particular. The fish swam attentively.

David checked his phone: he had a missed message from Hayley. He checked the time it was sent: 2:17 PM BST.

“Good morning sweetheart! How’s ya first day of work going?”

I’ll reply after I take a shower, he thought to himself. He ambled into the bathroom. When he got out at 1:51 AM, he laid down on his bed, and opened his eyes. The sun was shining through the blinds. His alarm was ringing.

Time to feed the fish.

He forgot about the text.

That night he got back at 2:13 AM.

“Man, this job is really something, huh,” he asked the fish. “I really hope it gets better.” The fish bubbled encouragingly.

He checked his phone again: another missed message.

“?” read the message.

Ah crap, Hayley’s text!

“I’m alright, just super duper tired, these guys here are really working me to the bone. Miss you!”

He put away the phone, took a shower, fell onto his bed, and woke up. It was time to feed the fish.

As the months went by, he realized that the job did not get any easier; his adaptability was offset by the increasing responsibility. And, his colleagues were increasingly ostracizing him. It was not hard to figure out why; it was tradition for the firm to promote only three of the four new analysts to “inspire competition”. The bottom analyst would be politely asked to leave.

Well, I guess the analysts figured out who they want gone.

Most days, David found himself eating lunch and dinner alone while the other analysts went out for food together.

One morning, after feeding the fish, David went outside to observe the streets below him. It was oddly empty considering the time of day.

You know, assuming that the probability of dying is a Bernoulli distributed variable, my chances of dying if I jumped from the 30^th floor would be… he pulled out his phone calculator, first swiping away a missed message. 96%... Wait, what am I thinking?

He dismissed the thoughts and went back inside. The missed message was from Hayley.

“Hey. Excited to see me in a few days? I already booked plane tickets.”

Crap.

He checked the calendar on his phone. It was December 12^th. He turned to the fish.

“Man, what am I supposed to do, I’m up to my neck with work but I feel so bad for basically ignoring my girlfriend for the past few months!”

The fish bubbled sympathetically.

“Sorry honey, I’m in the middle of a huge deal right now, can we try again in a few months?”

He slipped his phone into his pocket and went to work. When he returned, he immediately fell asleep. The next morning, he woke up, fed the fish, wished it good morning, and checked his phone.

“Are you kidding me? You promised me that you’d come to see me. The past few months have been ridiculous. Good luck with your job, I’ll stop being a hindrance on your career. Thanks for the past few years, I guess. Don’t message me again.”

A sharp kick hit David in the stomach, and he sunk to his knees. His mind buzzed emptily for a minute, and when he got his thoughts back together, he was at a loss for what to do. He checked his friends list to see who was online that he could talk to. Nobody. He called his mother. No one picked up. Holding back tears, he opened his balcony doors to get some fresh air. He peeked down the balcony railings. The streets were empty.

You know, if something were to fall over the railings, I doubt anybody else would get hurt… He closed his eyes and shook his head as if to clear his mind. He went to work that day with puffy eyes, though nobody noticed since nobody looked at him.

The next morning, he woke up, fed his fish, wished it good morning, and sat on the edge of his bed.

“Man, Hayley, or well, my girlfriend Hayley, my ex-girlfriend Hayley was everything to me. I loved her like crazy. What am I supposed to do?” He said, to the fish.

The fish bubbled upliftingly.

“You’re right, I should meet new people and try to make new friends. Thanks Hayley.”

He smiled and left for work.

“Man, this job is doing a number on my social life, my girlfriend just broke up with me a few nights ago,” David said. He tweaked his mouth into a smile, but his eyes betrayed his emotions.

The pattering of the keyboards of the three other analysts surrounding David exacerbated the otherwise deafening silence.

“Yeah well,” he continued. He stopped himself.

Relax, he thought to himself, there’s still other avenues to make new friends.

That night, he forced himself to go to a bar. He arrived at 12:53 AM; the bar was surprisingly empty. Even with the music playing in the background, the premises was hushed. His eyes scanned the room; nobody struck out to him until he saw the girl sitting alone across the bar. Her hair was blond and wavy, and she wore a classy red dress with sequins. Her skin was fair and her features well defined.

Like Hayley’s, thought David, but he pushed the image out of his head.

He grabbed a drink, rolled his shoulders back, put on a smile, and approached the lady.

“Hey, I’m David, what’s your name?”

She glanced over casually.

“Hi, I’m Suzanne.” She smiled at him.

“That’s a nice name Suzanne,” he said, “did you know that Suzanne is Hebrew for ‘lily’?”

Her eyes sparked just a little.

“No, I did not.”

The conversation continued until Suzanne checked her watch.

“Oh gosh it’s already 1:30. Look I need to get home since I’ve got to get to work tomorrow, would you like to talk some other time?” She asked

“Of course I would. How’s dinner sound?

She twisted her face as if she were thinking and might decline, but she couldn’t hide her smile.

“I like the sound of dinner.”

“Do you eat meat? We can go to the steakhouse just across from here.”

“Oh yes I looove steak. Is Friday good?”

David frowned and flipped to the calendar on his phone.

“Sorry Friday’s a pretty busy day for me, is Saturday at say… 9:00 PM good?”

Suzanne’s smile faltered a little. “You’re a busy man huh, yeah Saturday at nine should be fine,” she said.

“Is this a date?” quipped David.

The smile returned to Suzanne. “Ha, we’ll see,” she said. Suddenly, the surrounding atmosphere seemed a lot livelier to David. The bar was busier than he had originally thought. On the walk back home, the street just below David was full of people, jogging, chatting, laughing.

David returned home invigorated.

“Hey buddy, I just got a date! And she’s pretty cute too,” he told the fish.

The fish bubbled excitedly.

On Saturday at 8:45 PM, David finished his work early and walked out of the office building. Jack had just returned from the restrooms and intercepted him on his way out.

“Where the hell are you going”

“I finished all my work”

“No you haven’t, we just got a new deal, and you’re staffed on it since you’re so free. Now get back to your desk.”

David returned to his desk and slumped into his chair. He took out his phone and called Suzanne.

“Hey!” said an excited Suzanne.

“Hey,” replied David

“What’s up? Is something wrong?”

“Yeah, look, I just got staffed on a new deal, can we move our date back?”

“What date? First you had us eat dinner at such a ridiculously late time, I’m literally starving over here, you know, and I had to cancel wine night with the girls too, and then I had to put on my make up and now you’re saying you can’t make it?” Her voice crescendoed in both volume and pitch.

“Look, I’m sorry,”

“Don’t be. Don’t call my number ever again.” She hung up.

David raised his hands to his eyes. The other analysts might even have felt bad if they noticed what happened. Although the office had its lights on and its analysts working, it never seemed more alone. When he walked home, the streets were eerily deserted.

The next morning, David decided to call his parents. Nobody picked up. He called Hayley. She did not pick up either. He scrolled through his friends list. Nobody was awake. He searched up the number for a mental wellness helpline and dialed it onto his phone.

“Look I’ve recently moved into this new city and my girlfriend broke up with me and I can’t get any new friends because my job works me so late and my colleagues are conspiring against me and,”

He paused to listen for a response.

“Sorry. Our phone lines are experiencing a higher call volume than usual…”

David hung up and threw his phone across the room, his face contorted in disgust.

“Good morning,” he said to his fish, as he opened the balcony doors and stepped outside.

He looked down the balcony; it was lonely down below too.

Well, Hayley probably doesn’t think of me anymore so I doubt she’ll miss me, he thought.

The people at work probably don’t even need me, I’ve been the weakest of the new analysts, he continued.

My friends back home are probably too busy to remember me, he lamented.

Is there anybody that would notice if I just… jumped?

There was nobody to answer him.

An alarm rang from the phone he had just thrown on the floor.

A moment passed, then two.

He tore himself from the balcony and went back inside, closing the door behind him.

The fish bubbled in agreement.

Time to feed the fish.