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Fiction Funny

Heh Wild Bill

           In every generation since the advent of radio, the movies, and television, some children would get cursed by their parents in the form of being named after stars of the shows or the characters played by those stars. This was certainly true for me and my best pal. We were destined to become best friends as we grew up as next door neighbours, and we both received names provided by the 1960s hit show, “Wild Bill Hickok”. My pal’s name is ‘Bill’   His parents had played with the idea of calling him ‘Guy’ after Guy Madison, who played the part of Wild Bill, but decided against that, and felt that Bill would be better for him. Now me, I was named ‘Andy’, after the person who played his side kick ‘Andy Divine’. Their parental love for the show did not stretch so far as to call me after the sidekick’s television name “Jingles”. That would be going too far, even for them, although they had thought about it. I would never be able to be taken seriously by anyone if that had been my name.

           As if by some magic cast by the choice of our names, Bill became the leader of the two of us, the tall thin good-looking heroic type and I readily became his full-figured faithful sidekick, always hanging around my buddy, and following his suggestions as to what we should do or take interest in. His first two girlfriends were real stunners with great personalities, and each had a sister, that was considerably less so. He scored points with both of those girls when he provided their lonely sisters with someone to go out with – me of course. I didn’t mind, as I had a good time with both of them, regretting when I had to dump the first of those girls, when Bill and his girlfriend broke up. He needed me as a date for his new girl’s sister.

           But, still, all four girls (and some of the other dancers) would laugh whenever he would get up to dance with his partner, and I would grab the hand of her sister and say the classic Wild Bill Hickok line: “Hey Wild Bill, wait for me.”

           When we were in our high school play together he, of course, was the leading man who got the most applause at the end of the show. What no one but the two of us knew was that, not burdened by many lines with my bit-part, the two of us would rehearse together, with me taking the part of whomever he was talking to at the time. I felt that I contributed more to the play helping him shine than I did acting in my own puny part. I had to resist an urge in one of the few times we were on the stage together, to say “Hey, Wild Bill, wait for me.” I did once in a rehearsal. The director was not amused. I was almost replaced. Only a few lines would have to be learned.

The Last Year of High School

           It was our last year of high school. Bill had plans to go to university and become a lawyer, one way of being a crime fighter like Wild Bill Hickok. He had high marks in every subject. I helped him by reviewing his assignments for mistakes before he handed them in. I had spent more time on his work than I did on my own.  I had no good idea what I wanted to do after high school. I had done part time work at a doughnut shop, but I didn’t see that as a long term career. I heard from one of the girls in our class that the local community college offered a legal assistant course, but that pretty most of the students were girls. That might be a good thing, relationship wise for my future. And I would like to work for Bill, as we were good friends, and I would get ample opportunity in the office to say, “Hey Wild Bill, wait for me.”.

           That last year of high school there was a trio of ‘gangsters’ (in their dreams!) from another school across town that prided themselves on how many guys from our school that they had beat up. There were rumours going around the school that they had a collection of pictures that they had taken of their victims after they gave them a few sharp blows to the face. It was the subject of some discussion in the male change room after phys-ed classes. I hadn’t put much thought into it until one day.

The Confrontation

           I was walking home from school one day, following my usual path through downtown alleyways. As I was just about through one of those alleys when I heard loud male voices talking tough. Their words were filled with threats. I immediately thought of the gang from the other school that I had heard people talking about.. I immediately stopped walking and peeped around the corner to the opening of the back lane behind the stores to which the alleyways led.

           At first I saw only the three bullies that were talking loudly. I was glad at that moment that I hadn’t walked any farther. Then I saw the face of their intended victim. It was Bill!

What could I do?

           It didn’t take me long before I had a plan. It was a little dangerous, but Bill was my best buddy. I had to do something.  I took a deep breath, and yelled out the words. “Hey Wild Bill, wait for me. I’m with our road hockey buddies, and they are in the mood to do some slashing and shooting with their sticks.” I then kicked a wheelie bin filled with empty cans that jingled, and shouted “Hey buddy, watch what you are doing with that stick”  Then I stepped boldly into the back lane, and gestured towards the non-existent members of the road hockey team, urging them to follow me to the back lane..

           The three would-be bullies took off, feeling that the odds would shortly be against them, and they didn’t want to face an armed enemy.

           Bill greeted my presence with a big smile, and soon spoke, “Well Jingles, you have proven yourself to be a great sidekick. From that day forward, that was my nickname when the two of us were talking without anyone else present.

April 24, 2023 16:20

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