In a fortress deep in the mountain lives the evilest being imaginable. He was a monstrous king of demons. A villain whose name people feared to speak. His army of darkness tormented the humans of this world. They laid waste to the towns and cities not caring who was killed or what was destroyed.
My life’s goal was to destroy this monster. To free the innocents from this evil and to exact my revenge. Only, I wish I had a better plan…
“Jesus, it’s a fucking teenager. You don’t have to shoot the kid.” A gruff voice sighed to my right.
“He could be a spy!” shouted another voice to my left. I tensed at the words. My stomach plunging into a cold pit. I couldn’t see anything with the bag over my head. Twisting my hands behind my back, desperately trying to wriggle out of the cuffs before it was too late. Fear clammy up my palms and crawled down my spine. Was it going to end here? Had I already messed up and I would die on that monster’s front door. The security guards continued to bicker before the door burst open. “Sir!” The voices went abruptly silent sir. My heart hammered this was the man I’ve come to kill.
After so long hunting the villain, painstakingly chasing him down, fantasizing about meeting him and driving a knife through his heart. To have him only inches away with me bound in chains was overwhelmingly humiliating. The bag was yanked off my head.
“A teenager?” The Monster asked, glaring at his men “Does anyone want to explain why you have bound this pathetic teenager and dragged him into my house?”
The man in front of me was not what I imagined the monster that plagued my nightmares to be. He was tall with raven black hair, crimson eyes, and perfect bronze skin. He was in a dark cloak with red and gold accents. I shook my head. Is this the monster I came all this way to kill? He might look human but I know underneath he is anything but human. He had to be!
“You killed my family. I’m here to return the favor,” I spat before the Guards could say anything. The villain blinked with a look of realization and understanding crossing his face. Any tension going out of his body was a bit insulting, really.
“It wasn’t personal.” he reached out, glossing his fingers over my brow, bloodied from the earlier scuffle that had restrained me. I flinched away from the monster’s touch; Cursing myself for looking so weak. “I wouldn’t recommend you try to make it personal. I have no fight with you.” He continued, not affected by the hate in my eyes nor the fact that I shied away from his touch.
The monster looked to his guards. “Put him in a cab home. I’m sure he won’t be so stupid as to come here again, hmm?” he shot me a look.
Of course, I came again.
I made it to the throne room where my enemy awaited. I watched from the shadows. He seemed to be unaware of me as the monster just sat on his throne reading a book. I smiled to myself, today this monster will die.
“Are you going to keep lurking in the shadows?” I jumped at the question breaking the silence. Suddenly realizing that he was aware of me the whole time. “Well?” he asked again.
I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me since he hadn’t looked up from his book but I took a deep breath and confidently stepped out of my hiding spot, my sword drawn and ready for a fight.
The Monster still didn’t move. “Aren’t you going to fight me?” I demanded.
The Monster sighed, flipping the page in his book “A fight suggests both parties have at least a chance of winning. Go home, someone’s probably worried about you.”
“There is no one. You killed my only family!” I shouted in rage at this monster who enjoys killing, enjoys the carnage he unleashed on the world. How could he sit alone in comfort and in peace?
“So, you have come for revenge?” he asked flipping another page in his book, “and when you die fighting who will avenge your family, who will avenge you?”
That question caught me off guard. Why would he care? I was starting to get angry. He was just mocking me, too far up his high horse to take me seriously. I smirked, well he’s in for a rude awakening. I charged ready to slice him though but my sword never connected. My eyes widened seeing the now empty throne.
“That was rude.” I turned to see the monster standing where I once was the book still in his hand he closed the book and looked at me his crimson eyes that seemed to look into my very soul.
“Why aren’t you fighting me!” I shouted more out of frustration. I shot spell after spell. I swung and slashed my sword but nothing seems to touch him, he continued to move just beyond my reach
“You are not strong enough for me to waste my time killing you.” He stated in a bored tone.
I attacked again and again; I was growing tired. The throne room was destroyed from my attacks but there wasn’t even a speck of dirt on the monster's clothing.
“You don’t have to fight me.” He spoke once I stopped to catch my breath I turned to face him again
“I do-” I breathed.
“- why? Because it’s heroic?” the villain circled me, his eyes narrowed. I moved to attack- almost instinctively, at the reminder of my agony. Enraged that he should be doing the same. Then the monster pounced, grabbing my wrist. Stopping my death blow, continuing he said “because you think it will make your parents proud?” I swallowed hard and tried to jerk my wrists against his grip “no good parents would ever encourage their child to start a fight that they have no chance of winning.” He hissed his red eyes flashing he twisted my wrist I gasped in pain and my sword clattering to the floor.
I tried to free myself from his grasp. Then my breath caught in my throat as the villain in front of me was transformed. He was no longer the human-looking monster; he was a demon. Black and red horns sat on his head. Black bat wings now blocked the entrance to the room from my view. His eyes glowed red. The whole room suddenly became much colder. He smiled, showing off sharpened fangs. I was utterly petrified at the sight of him, hands shaking visibly for never in my entire life had I seen something this terrifying.
He let go of my wrist. I stumbled in my rush to get away from the monster, I tripped and landed hard on the marble floor. I grabbed my sword and pointed in the direction of the monster but much to my surprise he was no longer there. In fact, I was no longer in his fortress. I sat on the ground outside my town.
I shakily got to my feet and tiredly walked home now feeling utterly exhausted and defeated. Every time I close my eyes his red eyes and his fanged smile would flash in my mind.
After that day I spent another year training; training to fight that monster. When I was strong enough I went back to that castle determined to face my fears and finally kill the monster to finally find peace for myself and for everyone that had been tormented by his evil.
But I found myself beaten again and again. I kept going back to that fortress again, and again and again. Each time, I was deftly deflected, tossed aside, pinned, and knocked back, as if my attacks and all of my training was nothing. The villain was good. I tried for over and over. Hours of ears ringing, nose bleeding, ribs cracked, fingers broken, until I was too exhausted to put any strength into a punch. No sword swing or magic spell had any effect. My last lunge ended with me sobbing and shaking in frustration against the monster’s chest. Why?! Why was I not strong enough why was I acting like a child crying out my frustration in front of my enemy.
He caught my wrists firmly and twisted me into a more secure hold. He manhandled me. Making me stumble over to a broken mirror. I looked up, getting a good look at just how pitifully outmatched I was. I was covered in bruises and cuts. Tear streaks running down my face, my hair was a mess, clothes covered in my own blood and dirt. “Is this what you wanted? I’m sure your parents would be delighted to see this.” He hissed his eyes narrowed flashing in annoyance. His clothes still spotless and his face free of any bruises.
“Teach me,” I begged my gaze shifting to the floor.
“What?” the Monster startled letting go of my arm and stepping back and I crumple to the floor.
“Teach me how to fight like you.” I didn’t know why I said that or what I was thinking it was almost funny… the face he was making after all this. I was glad that I was able to surprise him at least once. It was the most incredible thing I ever saw.
“…You want me to teach you how to kill me?” the villain asked, I weakly nodded. “I need a drink before I can deal with you.” He sighed running his hand through his hair and walked out of the room. I don’t know how long I sat there staring at the door. After what felt like hours I shakily got to my feet and made my way into the next room, not seeing the monster I continued slowly checking room after room until I found him sitting in a chair in front of a fire a drink in his hand.
“Fine.” He stated after a few minutes of me standing awkwardly in the doorway.
“What?” I asked.
“I will teach you.” He stated standing from his chair to face me. My eyes widened in surprise. Not in a million years did I actually think he would agree. I smiled weakly. I, the hero, will learn how to kill the villain by the monster himself. I was relieved, almost pleased with my cleverness. With that thought in mind, my world faded to black.
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2 comments
Good afternoon, Ms. Chimarusti. “Enraged,” is a revenge story with a bit of a twist at the end. Making the antagonist into a mentor is a creative approach. There are numerous grammar, punctuation, usage, and formatting errors. These errors make the draft difficult to read objectively, and, unfortunately, they distract the reader from fully enjoying the story. Best Regards, JT Burnett II
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This was a very interesting story! I really liked the villain and how he didn’t want to hurt the main character and let him come back again and again. I also enjoyed his “I need a drink...” comment, I thought that was funny. One small thing, watch some of your repetition. It can be a good tool, that brings attention to something when used right. But it can sometimes hurt the flow of the sentence. “ ...standing where I once was the book still in his hand he closed the book...” Here you could just use “it” for the second time you say book. ...
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