An Error of Judgement

Submitted into Contest #110 in response to: Start your story with a vehicle pulling over for a hitchhiker.... view prompt

1 comment

Fantasy Fiction

He was jarred awake by an intense rush of wind carrying a gritty sand across his face, as a vehicle pulled alongside. It was a large white limousine with no livery and whose make he could not identify, in this dawn light, standing silently next to him.

Amazingly, he summoned the inner strength to reach up, place his hand on the door handle and pull himself up, only to discover that it had no driver. He assumed he must be having hallucinations. He must have fallen unconscious but couldn’t recall when.

As he began to muse over the smooth and sleek body of this most unusual transport, it all came back to him, in a dreadful flash of nightmare images from the night before. He’d finally given up the hours of meandering this void of a road, defined only an absence of cacti. No water, relentless heat and merciless sun. Inevitably, he had figured at some point, without water or shelter, he was surely going to drop dead. It was only a matter of time, so why bother to carry on?

Very stupidly, he had alighted the last bus in the middle of nowhere, in a lover’s tiff about free will and personal independence. She had merely suggested that they needed to spend more time together but he had told her that he still needed his freedom. As a macho demonstration, he had remonstrated with the bus driver and insisted that he had the right to get off. He would walk the rest of the way, despite their dire warnings. No-one on the bus could believe his actions. Many prayed for him, as it drove off in the baking heat and whirling clouds of desert dust.

Maybe she’d called him a taxi, maybe someone else had, although this was like no taxi he’d ever seen. No markings, not a single one. Then, in the midst of complex thoughts of regret, reflections on his behaviour and the sudden arrival of this strange cab, a calming voice came from behind.

“Can I be of service Daniel? Do you need a hand?”

It was a reassuring voice and outstretched hand of a tall and slim man wearing a chauffer’s hat. He was wearing an impeccable white suit without any creases, stains, or identifying labels on any part of his uniform. He’s definitely a very expensive V.I.P. rental, thought Daniel.

“I can’t believe you found me,I wandered all over,no mobile service and no land marks. How did you know that I was Daniel and how come I didn’t see you get out?” he slowly articulated in a dehydrated voice.

The man appeared unperturbed and continued smiling benignly, from ear to ear. His facial features were very subtle. He was neither black nor white and had elements of many races and yet nothing discernible.

“Well, apart from the name on your bag and the fact you were the only one out here, I figured it must be you.” He pointed down at Daniel’s feet. The name tag was all that was visible of his bag under a pile of dirt.

Daniel, considered the odds must be billions to one, that anyone he knew, let alone a stranger, who would shell out this kind of money for someone to find and save his hide.

“I’m dead aren’t I and you’ve come to collect me?” concluded Daniel, with a heavy, reluctant sigh.

“Well, that’s what we here to discuss. Why not get in and out of this biting wind and I’ll try to explain.” The host was detecting a dimming in Daniel’s spirit.

Without a second thought, or fear for himself, Daniel pulled open the door and sank into the plush passenger seat. Momentarily alone, he looked it over. It was completely silent with no aroma. Like the figure who had just greeted him, the car was neutral and featureless. No dash, no speedo, no taxi clock, not even a steering wheel!.

“It must be a driverless then. That figures.” Muttered Daniel to himself, when the chauffer surprised him, by appearing from nowhere, across the seat. 

“I guess you could say that.” Began the man in white. “It takes me wherever I want to go but that isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about. Time is of the essence right now Daniel.”

“I am dead aren’t I, I’m really, really, dead. I knew when you appeared from nowhere and just then, when I was completely alone.” Daniel began to fear real uncertainty and tried to sit up but at every attempt he kept sinking back, ever deeper, into his seat.

“Daniel, let me put your mind at rest for a moment. You are not actually dead yet. Of this, I can categorically assure you. You are in a final conscious phase on your death bed. Your earthly body has almost extinguished but your mind and soul are still able to go back, or go onwards to the next life.”

Daniel peered out on to the road. From the corner of his eye he could see that his body was completely buried, except for his face and an outstretched hand, bizarrely, showing a thumbs up! 

“Oh my God, it is me.” He blurted out, immediately averting his eyes and sinking as far back into the seat it was quite a shock.

“It’s a hard thing to grasp isn’t it? To suddenly see yourself like that. A near dead, desperate hitchhiker but you can undo this particular fate. If you can decide very soon but the decision must be all yours, free will and all that.”

Daniel closed his eyes and pinched himself but felt no real pain. Confirming that he was conscious in some way but not in a physical one. That corpuscle part of him was really outside, waiting for carrion to eat the flesh from his bones.

Daniel summoned every vital part of himself that was keen to stay alive, to breathe fresh air, to laugh, to cry, to love life and that crazy girl he had just met and wished he could know better. Of all the decisions in his life he could make, this had to be the most obvious no brainer, even to an idiot like himself.

“When you say go back. What, exactly, do you mean and please forgive my ignorance, I forgot to ask your name in all this?”

“My name is Gabriel but I imagine you suspected something along those lines”

Daniel nodded, slowly, taking in the full gravity of the meeting and hanging on every sentence. Gabriel continued, placing a comforting hand on Daniel’s trembling shoulder.

“I have the power, to send you back to the very moment in time that you made that error of judgement. To give you another opportunity, to sit and listen, maturely, to that young descendent of Eve. Consider her fruitful ideas and most importantly, to stay on the bus with a different future.” Gabriel patted Daniel’s shoulder, waiting for his life and death decision.

“If you send me back, will I remember any of this?” 

“No Daniel. Fortunately, linear time is a human construct. To you and everyone else, all of this, our meeting, will never happen. I will have just given a nudge, if you like, to your free will. God loves free will and helping it along is part of what I do. However, you must decide now Daniel as you only have seconds left in this present physical existence on Earth.”

“Gabriel, please take me back to try again and bless me with some of your wisdom.” begged Daniel.

And so it was. The rest is yet to come.  

September 10, 2021 21:15

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1 comment

Nova Smith
00:41 Sep 22, 2021

This is pretty great! The beginning roped me in, the chauffer was charming and I liked the protagonist too.

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