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Contemporary Funny Happy

Never Too Old

Wrapped in a bathrobe, Martha was sitting in her favorite chair reading a scripture from the Bible. “But with God, all things are possible.” Of all the verses, this is the one she related most to. She closed the Bible and embraced the warmth emitting from the fireplace. She peered out the window and gazed at the new fallen snow blanketing her front lawn.

A faint frown crossed her face. I’m in the winter of my life, she thought. Seventy-five years I’ve walked on this earth and there’s no guarantee I’ll live another day. Martha dragged her eyes from the window and looked at a basket next to her chair. In it were knitting needles, two balls of yarn, and a partially knitted sweater. She began to reach for the basket, then changed her mind. Not now.

Martha rose from her chair and proceeded to the kitchen. She pulled a carton from the refrigerator and pour herself a glass of milk. Finishing it off, returned to the living room. As she was about to turn on the television, the doorbell rang.

She opened the door and found her best friend, Claudia waiting there. “Well, aren’t you going to invite me in?” she asked.

The twinkle in Claudia’s eyes told Martha she was only teasing her. She curtsied and guided Claudia to the living room. “Tea, ma’am? Tea?”

Both women laughed lightly. For the past ten years, since Martha’s husband death, they have been inseparable. They would take turns visiting each other and today it was Claudia’s turn.

“I’ll pass on the tea, but if you have a Miller Lite, I would be more than pleased to have one.” Martha went to the kitchen and returned shortly carrying two cans of beer. Claudia was disappointed by what she saw. “That’s it? Pabst Blue Ribbon?”

Martha shrugged her shoulders. “It was on sale.”

Grudgingly, Claudia accepted the beer. Beggars can’t be choosers.

As they sipped the brew, Martha started the conversation. “So, tell me. How are the kids doing?”

Claudia beamed. “Ken and his wife are doing fine. The grandkids are out of school for winter vacation. Secretly, I think the real vacation starts when the kids go back to school. What about your family?”

“George is still dating. Forty-two years old and never married. I’m giving up on him ever committing and having children of his own.”

A look of shock crossed Claudia’s face. “Don’t say that! You never know. Maybe he isn’t married, but that doesn’t mean they’re no grandkids out there.”

“Perish the thought. I’d rather go without a grandchild than know he has an illegitimate child.”

“I wouldn’t be too choosy if I were you. You’re seventy-five and if George isn’t already a father, you may not be around to enjoy them when he does become one.”

“Morally, it’s wrong and besides, I don’t need grandchildren to occupy my time. I have plenty of things to keep myself busy.”

Claudia scoffed. “Oh, really? Like what? Knitting, TV? Your day is filled with excitement.”

“I have other things to do,” Martha huffed.

“Like what?”

Martha leaned towards her. “Careful what you ask for.”

Curiosity began to overwhelm her. “Look, Martha, I’ve known you for a long time and I thought we didn’t have any secrets between us. If you’re doing something I don’t know about, I think I have a right know.”

“Very well then.” Martha pushed herself out of her chair and began to go upstairs. “If you want to see what I’ve been up to, follow me.”

Claudia followed Martha up the stairs and they went to a room at the far end of the hallway. Martha opened the door and walked in. when Claudia looked inside, she was met with a large room bare of all furniture, except a small entertainment system in the corner and in the center of the room was a pole reaching from the floor, all the way to the ceiling.

Shaking her head slowly, Claudia asked, “What is it?”

“Haven’t you ever seen Demi Moore in “Strip Tease?” It’s a pole for dancing.”

Claudia was flustered. “I have two eyes you know, but what is it doing in your house? Let’s be honest. You’re too old for such nonsense. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Flaunting your boney body swinging around a pole is more apt to repel men instead of attracting them.”

Martha smiled. “It’s not about attracting men. It’s about the art.” Martha pulled her sash open and her bathrobe fell to the floor. Underneath her robe, Martha was wearing a black leotard, pantyhose, and low heel shoes. “I’m still fairly new to this. Maybe next month I’ll graduate to high heels.”

Speechless, Claudia grabbed the door jamb to keep from stumbling.

Martha walked to the entertainment system and turned it on. “I like listening to EDM when I dance.”

“EDM?”

“Electronic Dance Music.” Martha turned up the volume. A Martin Garrix tune began to play, and Martha grasped the pole.

Claudia watched as Martha began to gyrate around the pole. As she did, she pulled her arms in and out, controlling how fast she was spinning. A moment passed, then she stopped. Martha began to hoist herself up the pull and began to spin near the ceiling. She flipped upside down and slid quickly to the floor. As Martha’s head was about to strike the floor, she stopped. She bent over, touching her feet to the floor, and stood up straight. Martha spun one more time, slowly bending her knees, until her butt touched the floor. The spinning slowed to a stop and Martha ended up sitting there, staring at Claudia. Martin Garrix’s song finished up and was replaced by an Armin van Buuren hit. “So, what do you think?”

“What do I think?” replied Claudia. “I think I’m going to have nightmares tonight, after what I just saw.”

Martha laughed. “I’m quite sure I’m not the sexist thing that ever swung from a pole, but I’ll tell you this. It was fun.” She pointed towards the pole. You want to try?”

“You’re kidding me, right? Look at me. I must weigh twice as much as you. If I try, I might break the pole or fall through the floor.”

Martha went to Claudia and grabbed her wrist. “You never know until you try.” She pulled Claudia to the pole and put her hand on it.

She shook her head. “What do I do?”

“I want you to use your imagination. Think of this pole as your late husband. Grab it the way you would grab him to get his attention. Circle him, like you would circle your prey. Pull him towards you, then let him slip away. Pull him towards you again and make him realize he can never escape you. Always be in control and in the end, make him part of you.”

Claudia closed her eyes and grabbed the pole with both hands. She spun and pulled repeatedly and before she knew it, it was over. She was beathing heavily and was covered with sweat. “I can’t believe it. It was more than fun. It was exhilarating.”

Martha put her robe back on. “I know what you mean. I had this pole installed about three years ago. Since then, I think I’ve danced almost every day. I never said anything about it to you before because I was afraid you wouldn’t understand and might stop being my friend. I so glad I finally got the nerve to tell you and share my experience with you.”

“You’ll never have to worry about losing me as a friend. If you told me you were in love with Wendy down the road and were going to marry her, I would be your Maid of Honor.”

“I’m touched to hear you say that. Wendy has proposed, but we haven’t set the date yet.”

Claudia slapped Martha’s shoulder and both women laughed. “I know you’re joking,” said Claudia. “Wendy must weigh three-hundred pounds. If she tried out your pole, it would bend like a wet spaghetti noodle.”

“Come on,” said Martha. “Let’s some thing exciting. I think “Guiding Light” is on right now. Let’s go downstairs and watch it.”

As they left the room, Martha turned off the light and closed the door. The pole was joyful diversion, but her friendship to Claudia was eternal.

January 24, 2021 02:23

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3 comments

05:11 Jan 31, 2021

If you don't mind, can you please come and read my story? Also, can you please like and follow me? (You don't have to, but I would appreciate it a lot!)

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05:11 Jan 31, 2021

Your story is so heartwarming!

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05:11 Jan 31, 2021

:D :)

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