I Have A Secret

Come here.

I said, come here.

Yes, you. Who else would I be talking to?

Come closer. I have a secret to tell you. We're good friends. We can tell secrets, right? I know we are.

Don't walk away!

Fine. I won't tell you my secret.

That's what I thought. I can't resist a good secret, either. Don't you love them? They're fun to keep, knowing that you know something that no one else in the world knows. Sometimes sharing them is like currency, if you have no money. You can get people to do stuff for you. Such as, I'll tell you my secret if you'll be my best friend. But, you are my best friend, right? I know you are. You're a good person, like that.

What's that? You want me to hurry up and tell you my secret? I could. I mean if you want to just hear it and leave, like all the other people. That's fine. I guess. But I know you're different. You like suspense. You enjoy waiting for gratification, because you know it'll make it that must more enjoyable. Just like the second Alien movie. Do you remember when that came out? Wasn't it worth the wait? I'll say, it was.

You still want to know my secret. And you will know. The nature of a secret is to be told. What's that? Can something still be a secret if you never tell anyone? I suppose it can. Just like a dollar is still a dollar if you don't spend it. But a dollar is only fun, if you spend it. When that dollar was created, it was done so with the notion that it would be passed from one person to the other for equivalent goods and services. The dollar wants to be spent. That's its purpose in life. If you don't spend it, you'll have a very sad dollar. It'll just lay there, like the water in a reservoir. It makes a pretty lake, but if it had its chance, it would smash the dam to pieces and spill out all over the landscape with the same fervor as a tsunami.

Tsunamis are dangerous. They're like a horde of zombies, only made of water. They don't think. They just go straight until something stops them. And they're really strong. Stronger than you realize because they have the mass of all the water behind them. People don't think about that until they come crashing through their town. People think they're fine until a tsunami barrels down their street, washing away lawn chairs, children, cows or anything else that's not nailed down. Just like zombies. I don't suggest nailing down children or cows, though. That would be mean.

You keep asking about that secret. Is that all I am to you? We were having a moment, just then. You remember when we talked about tsunamis? That was a great time, wasn't it? But all you're interested in is my secret. I should let you have it, if that's all you want. Then you'll go away, like all the others. You readers are all the same.

You really want to know what my secret is? Are you that curious? You just have to have it? If you couldn't have it, how bad would that be? Would you be just a little mad or like sci-fi mad? You know, sci-fi mad. You know what I mean. Khaaaaaaaaaaannnnn! Yeah, that. Wasn't that a great movie? It's one of my favorites, too. It never ages, does it? I wish I could make a movie, like that. That was genius, which I am not. If I made a movie, it would probably be more like Cats. Did you see it? It was plain awkward. Full grown people ran around the stage in tights with ears on their heads. I mean, who thought that would be a good idea? Probably someone who had an even worse Idea.

You're still not budging on that secret thing, huh? You feel like you've earned it, now. You figure you've read all this way so you should know what I've been keeping secret all this time. It must be ground breaking. It must be something you never thought of. It must be absolutely inspired for me to take you with me on this far of a trip. It should even be, dare I say it, life-altering!

Could anything really alter your life? I mean, is there anything that would really shake the course of your life, once you heard it? Is there anything that would make you believe or not believe, in God? Or would you rationalize whatever I told you, whittling it all down to fit into your nice and neat box that you call your world view? Is there anything I could say to make you sell your house, quit your job and become a hobo? If you spent your whole life telling yourself that Earth was the only planet in the universe that has intelligent life and then one day you watched CNN and Wolf Blitzer was interviewing a pile of tentacles from the planet Xanidu, would that make you believe there is life elsewhere in the universe? Or would you throw things at the TV, shouting at it to remove such lies and Hollywood puppetry from your sight? Is there an age that we stop learning what the world is and keep that with us until we die? Or can we reprogram ourselves like a computer application with a bad line of code? Can we run a self diagnostic to determine if our internal code needs an update? Would it make a difference if we could?

You still want to know my secret. Would anything I said make any difference in your world? Or would it simply bring you a fleeting moment of joy that will soon be replaced by your next refill of designer coffee that you ordered from that place on the internet?

I'll tell you my secret, if you're really that determined to know. I don't mind. I know once you read it, you'll raise an eyebrow then forget all about it as you're off to the next thing. Then our moment will be over. The time we've shared will be done. Just like that. Here goes.

My secret is that cats really can see ghosts.

There's one right behind you.