Hungry Eyes

Submitted into Contest #138 in response to: Write a story about an afternoon picnic gone wrong.... view prompt

4 comments

Fiction Funny Romance

“Today’s weather is beautiful. Amazing. Frankly, I’ve never seen a better day, Melania.” 

“I agree, hon. The picnic basket is almost ready.” 

She spent the entire morning preparing the basket.

Two crispy pieces of sourdough, beautiful shades of light brown almost toasted-like, and a light fluffy airy center. 

The smallest-sized Tupperware had three scoops of cold butter. Two more large containers with dividers. One for moon-shaped sliced avocado, tomato, cream cheese, and mayonnaise. The other for smoked bacon, turkey, ham, and leftover pepperoni that had been hiding, evading the rule of law. She packed neatly and made just enough room for two clear, tall-like glasses and a tinted red, almost black, sealed bottle.

The weather couldn’t have been better. A gentle cool breeze circled Thompson Park whispering the end of winter and the beginning of spring. Tall trees smiled at the wonderful news waving gently naked branches. 

They stretched a colorful blanket under the tallest tree. The one that took Melania all winter to sew together. She had stitched together more than fifteen pieces of fabric. A different mix of blues and pinks with orange and turquoise. The cozy blanket floated on brown winter grass. 

“Melania I couldn’t find water bottles. Believe me, I looked everywhere. I thought you packed them.” He said searching through the trunk. 

“I brought something better, hon” She glanced at the wine glasses. 

He rested his head close to Melania’s feet; his golden hair adding more color to the colorful blanket. He closed his eyes and listened to Melania pop open Tupperwares. She hummed quietly, holding the sourdough and making a small incision from end to end. She smeared butter with a hint of olive oil on both sides. Ham followed with small chunks of turkey and pepperoni. There was no more room for anything else but the smoked bacon, avocado, tomato, and cream cheese were squeezed in. 

She unwrapped a shiny glass and poked his ribs gently. “The food is ready, hon,” She said in a soft voice, handing him a wine glass.

He devoured his sandwich drinking wine in between every bite. She seemed to prefer the delicious summer wine. Watching her husband enjoy his meal and give compliment after compliment made her hunger go away. 

“I must tell you, Melania, this is the best sandwich I have ever had. And believe me, I’ve had my fair share of so-called sandwiches….okay?”

He finished eating and she tucked away a barely touched sandwich. They spent two hours talking and refilling on wine. 

After a while, she packed everything neatly back into the basket. The colorful blanket was cleaned off from crumbs and small pieces of food that had fallen out every time he spoke with a mouthful. Except for a couple of stains that looked like raindrops if not for the reddish color.

The little four-hour break from the world changed everything. It was like pressing the paused button from all the craziness. She felt a weight off of her shoulders when she shut the car door. 

“Isn’t amazing how much better you feel, by simply having a picnic?” She asked while he found car keys. 

He felt it too. 

He turned the key in the accessory position, turned on the radio, and let out a tired sigh. 

“You are right. I feel like all my low energy is gone. We don’t need low energy. We need lots of energy.”

She leaned her head against the car window. Her long brown hair was messy. Sunlight bounced off of her caramel blond highlights. 

“We need to do this more often, around this time when everyone is working and the schools keep the kids away. I was tired of cold rainy days, stuck inside watching the world’s chaos. The only thing that kept me sane was this blanket project.”

He turned the radio to his favorite classic rock station. 

Got in a little hometown jam

So the put a rifle in my hand

Send me off to a foreign land 

He reached out for her hand, grabbing it slowly with both of his.

“We are going to this more often, I promise. I haven’t been the greatest husband, always working and leaving almost no time for you my love. Consulting businesses pays well but I always end up sacrificing my most valued possession.”

“You promised you wouldn’t travel anymore. That you wouldn’t leave me for weeks at a time. Why can’t your boss understand? That you have a wife. Why can’t you work here? Today was the best day I’ve had in months. Me and you… together without a worry in the world. Tomorrow you will leave and I’m stuck alone. Sometimes I feel like a widow.”

He pulled on her hands for a comforting kiss but she resisted, breaking eye contact and looking towards the car’s floor. 

Come back home to the refinery

Hiring man says, “Son if it was up to me”

Went down to see my V.A man

He said,” Son, don’t you understand “

“I hate traveling Melania. In fact, nobody hates traveling more than me. My bosses are bad hombres, crooked bastards, but this final deal is huge. Bigger than anything I have ever seen. When the deal goes through, we will be set for life. Believe me. I’m talking about billions and billions of dollars. A small commission of that will set us into retirement. We can spend the rest of our lives here at the park. I could eat the same sandwich every day.”

She smiled and her eyes sparkled. 

“Every day here at the park?”

“Even in the winter.” He said smiling.

I’ve been meaning to tell you

I’ve got this feelin’ that won’t subside

I look at you and I fantasize 

Your’re mine tonight 

This time she didn’t resist. He pulled her close staring deep into her eyes. A small touch of her lips wasn’t enough. He wrapped his heavy hand behind her neck and pulled her even closer. 

With these hungry eyes

One look at you and I can’t disguise

I’ve got hungry eyes

I feel the magic between you and I 

The parking lot was empty. The park was empty. His wide navy suit outlined his manhood. He closed his eyes and sunk in her kiss. 

I want to hold you so hear me——

THUD! THUD! THUD!

"PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON. YOU ARE BOTH UNDER ARREST!"

March 26, 2022 02:40

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4 comments

Frank Lester
17:15 Mar 30, 2022

I didn't expect the ending. Nice twist. As for the rest of the story, the first half left me a little confused. The plot wasn't evident. It sounded like a description of two people having a picnic. Maybe cut some of the description of the meal (it did make my mouth water--my stomach is still growling). Allude to the conflict a little earlier in the story. You could add some backstory as to his line of work to amp up the conflict. You allude to his coming into large sums of money, set them up for life, which I get the impression is not entire...

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23:04 Mar 31, 2022

Frank, thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. I'm a complete newbie when it comes to writing. I was so nervous when reading your comment. I will continue to better my writing. Thank you so much.

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Frank Lester
02:26 Apr 01, 2022

You're welcome, Jose. And remember--we were in your position at one time. If I could add a little encouragement; if you remember one thing, remember this: those of us that read and offer a critique of your writing do so because someone took the time to read and critique our writing. We pay it forward because we want you to succeed just like someone wanted us to succeed. So, don't be afraid or nervous. Welcome critiques because they'll only make you better. Keep pluggin'. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

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Shazly Marikar
17:35 Apr 03, 2022

That was a beautiful story! I was reading this my love and I want to say she enjoys it :) Keep it up!

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