Save myself twenty quid

TW: drunk driving

I will save myself twenty quid.

He looked out of his open car window at the roses, he had a gut feeling fate had something in mind.

Was just turning a proper adult in my 21st year, though you would not think this by my actions.

   Grew up in a town moved to the country, life became quiet and distant but I thought this would change 

when I started to drive, I was wrong, it became quieter and more distant, I will tell you why

   Got a job in a neighbouring town, all my new friends lived there. We would often go out during days off

and went clubbing and pubbing every week.

   I saw all the adverts and posters on drink-driving but these were not very affecting back then, well not

to me anyway. We were in the pub during the day and were going out that night.

Yes, I had driven to town, £20 for a taxi home must have been more than my life was worth! 

I drove home that night.

I did not complete this journey, I woke in the matrix!

3months had past, Mum was not who she said she was, people pretending to be doctors and nurses all

think I am fooled. All my friends are in wheelchairs or bedridden, I press a button after I have a number 

two and so called nurses come into the toilet and wipe my ass for me.

I have had enough of this fictional dream, am gonna escape, call my real mum. 

As I trace lines on the ceiling of my bedroom an angel walked in, I knew her, I remember her from my 

prior life when things were normal.  

Reality hit home, I was in hospital, been there for 5 months, was 2points from brain-death in a-coma.

Want a drink? How ya getting home?

Since; Go out by myself, stay in by myself, disability and mental-health cause much stigma.

Started writing for a past-time, written tonnes about disability and anti-drink-driving, get writers block.

Every piece I think of is my blasted past. 

Wanna live in the past? Go on have another!

£100 for a taxi is more appeasing than the twenty years since, do not die a fool, cos ya will die in some 

fashion!

My last, or first, or first-last memory was gazing out of my blood stained, smashed open car window at the roses.

Fate had caught me, I lost consciousness for a month and a half.

Should of made it a half pint!

I look back recall the time I dented my car, drunk, recall the time I mounted the pavement drunk, punctured a Tyre, hit a guard-rail, even got pulled by police, they breathalysed me. He said I can tell you have drank more than you say but you are under, this does not happen often, take this as a sign.

Less than a month later I woke in the matrix!

A professional said to me, we have all done it and I say still do a lot. I am trying my upmost to defer, used to give talks on anti drink-driving and disability awareness, to thousands of students and drunk-drive offenders. A hardened offender whom I was introduced to as, you will not change her, she is always here, said to me when I saw her in town, thanks so much you helped me realize what I was doing, I am never drink-driving again!

Another hardened offender was reduced to tears, and pretty much all of them were influenced by my talk, I heard some good things said by many students and teachers. I will make any who cross my path never drink and drive.

You want to taste this reality, I have made enormous recoveries but still I limp, a women in town, ever so nice but ignorant to disability, trying to be inclusive she said, alright duck? Nice day! Come out often? Who looks after you? Does the housework and cooks? What you Iive on your own!

Went in an office with mum, she stayed near the entrance, I hobbled up to the front desk and ask a question, the receptionist turnt her chair and shouted the answer to mum thinking she was a carer and I was incapable of holding a conversation.

Going over a road, just about to press the lights suddenly a lad came rushing back, brushed past me, just to press the button for me, then carried on his way with a pleased look at being such a meaningful assistance in the community.

Approaching the exit in the foyer a women saw me coming, fully opened the door and heald it, standing there for about 45 seconds. This says I find you incapable but I still said thank ya.

The subconscious takes note of what you think about, dwell on, say thank ya for and effect your inner and outer experience to make this more likely to happen again, you must want it because you said thank ya or your always thinking about this or that. Fact disabilities of different sorts are made worse and more enduring because of how an understanding, over sympathetic, naive, patronizing, ignorant or advantage taking society treats us, not to say everyone's is like one of these but only get another drink if you want to personally verify my tales told.

Some of the most down to earth, wise and friendly people work with people have some connection to disabled people, this is because they learn to appreciate other realms of existence are grateful for their own health and sense the struggle everyday that is invisible to the majority.

Appreciate, respect, allow, incorporate, accept. And you will make a model in society!

People, lesser people, try their best, advantage takers hone in on vulnerability, often some of us will do anything for company so we either ignore the fact we know their game or are maybe not strong willed enough to put up a defence or even some probably won't even realize. Can you really call people that take advantage of a vulnerable streak members of the community? Or even people? You may find defense or argument but like I need to remind you, just one more drink and you can personally verify the vulgarities in a truly beautiful, once apparent society and world.

Need/want advice? Details of books? More deferrals to not drink/drug-drive or speed?

drivealife@protonmail.com