Clack... Clack... Clack...

Submitted into Contest #190 in response to: Write a story about a fandom... view prompt

21 comments

Fiction Funny Friendship

I stared at the line of the email from the president of our company in stunned silence:


Subject: Star Tech Friday. Be ready!


Imbecile!


How could I have missed that? Why would I not have questioned it? I had no idea what to do now. What I needed to do was go home before I made an even bigger fool of myself. I should've turned and left when Sally at the receptionist's desk gaped at me. She didn't even grace me with her cheery, sing-songy 'Morning Tom!' Caught up as I was, I missed the sign. Then everyone else I passed also looked in disbelief. With each dumbfounded stare came the realization that I made a very grievous error, one that may be worse than showing up without pants. I needed an exit strategy that also minimized any further contact with my co-workers. The harm from those who witnessed my faux pas may already be irreversible.


"Well, hello Tom."


Not him! Dammit! "Please Steve, not now."


"Ohhh, I don't think there's a better time than right now, Tom. This is a day that will go down in infamy. Doesn't really matter if you're here or not. We'll be talking about this for years. Maybe even decades. This will forever be the day Tom Swit came to work dressed as a Klingon warrior…


"I… I thought it said 'Star Trek Friday…'


"And, of course, being you, and your obsession, you went with that and didn't open the email. The email that, you know, would've explained everything."


I'm doomed. My career, my life, all over with. 


"And how did you get Tess to allow you to do this?" Steve asked.


"Leave my wife out of this, Steve!" When Tess finds out, she is going to cut off my testicles, put my balls on either end of a string, and use them as a Clacker.


Clack… Clack… Clack…


"I'm not saying anything bad about your wife. Personally, I think she's great. God love her for marrying y-"


He stopped mid-sentence. Then he started laughing, pretty much evilly. It's not that Steve is a bad guy, per se, but he thrives on drama and controversy. It gives him purpose. Makes his life worth living. At least as long as it wasn't him. Stupid me for confiding in him. I dreaded what came next.


"She doesn't know!" Steve almost danced with glee. "Oh. My. Gosh! She went out of town to visit her friend! You told me about it the other day!" 


Clack…. Clack…. Clack….


Leave it to Steve to not be supportive. "She can't find out about this, Steve. She can't! I have to go home right now before this gets any worse." I grabbed my briefcase and started to get up, but Steve firmly put his hand on my chest and nudged me back in the seat.


"Oh, it's beyond worse now, my friend. Your inner Trekkie has you in a world of hurt."


"Trekker."


"What?"


"It's Trekker, Steve. Trekkie is considered derogatory."


"There's a difference?" Then he started waving his arms. "You know what? Nevermind. I don't really care. Your inner geek then. We don't have time to get into this now, Tom. What matters for you is that it is worse."


He did somehow manage to look concerned, which made me concerned. "How can it be worse than it already is?"


Clack…. Clack…. Clack….


"You still haven't read the email, have you?"


I heard that as more of an accusation than a question. Still, haltingly, I said, "No."


"Well, then, I'm going to stand right here while you do. I hope you don't mind, but I want to see you sweat." He crossed his arms and leaned against my cubicle wall. "Can you sweat through Klingon prosthetics and make-up?"


I clicked open the email, ignoring him.


"See Tom Swit sweat," Steve said. Then, "See Swit sweat. See Swit sweat. Say that ten times fast."


"Shut up Steve! I'm trying–" And there it was. A meeting. All executive personnel at nine o'clock. "I can't go, Steve."


Again, he chuckled. I hated that.


"Tom, you don't get it. If you don't go, you'll be fired immediately. If you do go, you'll probably be fired immediately. So, one way you WILL have to tell Tess you lost your job by showing up on a very important, no, CRUCIAL, day for the president and CEO of our company, dressed as a Klingon warrior. The other, you have the slimmest of all hopes of getting away with it."


All I could do was groan.


And, besides, you can't deny me the front row seat to see in action the most iconic Star Trek statement ever."


Since I was afraid to ask, I didn't.


Unperturbed, he said it anyway. "To boldly blow what no man has blown before, AND to do it so epically." Then he proceeded to whistle the theme music.


"That isn't what it says and you know it."


"Heghlu’meH QaQ jajvam. Today is a good day to die," Steve said.


"You speak Klingon, and you call me a geek?"


"I used to date a girl who is weird like you. She found the language hot. It worked for me at the time. Regardless, I am not dressed as a Klingon warrior at work. And why a Klingon? You're what? Five-five, maybe one-hundred and thirty pounds at best? Hell, a ten-year old Klingon would be more imposing. Ferengi, I can see you as that. Not Klingon."


"Hab SoSlI' Quch!"


"Hey, Tom, no attacks on the family. I'm only letting it go because my mom DOES have a smooth forehead."


"Sorry, it's the only Klingon insult I know."


"Gotta go. Almost time for the meeting," Steve said.


He practically skipped out of my office.


I looked at the picture of Tess on my desk. I was hoping to hear her soothing voice tell me everything would be fine, but I only heard Clack… Clack… Clack…


I walked into the meeting last. Of course, all eyes immediately focused on me and I fought the urge to say something. Steve sat across from the only empty seat which, of course, belonged to me. I expected him to have popcorn and skittles for the train wreck he planned on watching. I know it's his nature, but I wished he didn't bask in it so much.


I took my seat just as our President and CEO, Mr. Greg Sampson, entered. He looked to see that everyone was there, but stopped when his eyes hit me. He almost appeared ready to say something numerous times as his lips started to move, but they didn't form words.


Clack… Clack… Clack…. Reverberated in my head.


Then, as if feeling he had to gain control and do something, he asked, "Who are you? Why are you wearing a costume?"


Sometimes when you've lost control and are heading for a wall, you have to accept that it's going to be bad. You can hit the brake and try to minimize the impact; or, like me, out of desperation, you floor it and hope for the best. I got in touch with my inner Klingon, that part of me that will face difficulties with courage and what little pride I had left, and decided to leave caution to the wind. I rose up to my full five-foot, six with the wig, knocking my chair to the floor where it clattered along the tile, and loudly proclaimed; "I am Tom, son of Tom, grandson to Richard of House Swit; participant of cosplay; champion of all games video; winner of participation trophy for track and field; medal of excellence recipient for grammar, punctuation and spelling; and president of the local chapter of the Conan the Barbarian Fan club!"


I paused for just a moment then, "I have read every science fiction book written by Asimov, Heinlein, Bradbury, and Ellison. I have watched every single Star Trek series and movie multiple times. Sir, Mr. Sampson, I exist to see the future now and applaud our company's move, your move, into aerospace. In my excitement I got a little carried away, seeing my costume as an inspiration to us all! I only wanted to be part of the future, to see Star Tech be the success that I know it can be!"


Silence filled the room. Except, that is, for Steve, who had his head on the table, buried in the crook of his arm, laughing hysterically, relishing the epic meltdown even he didn't see coming. Most of the others just looked confused; and some, like Jillian Sellers, had a face so twisted in contempt that some of her make-up broke off her cheek in large chunks and crumbled onto her black skirt. I thought it might take a good hour to mud that back up again.


Mr. Sampson's face, though, never changed. Not even slightly. I'm not sure a Vulcan could remain that stoic. Spock, at least, would have raised that eyebrow. But Mr. Sampson just stood and waited until sure I was done, then said, "I own a farm with twenty horses, and even they can't produce the amount of shit in a year that you just did in the last minute."


"Yes sir," was all I had left to muster.


"And you said your name is Tom Swifty?"


"That would be Swit, sir. Tom Swit," I said, correctively.


"Mr Swit, how is it you show up for work dressed like… well, whatever that is," Mr. Sampson asked.


Steve is sitting back up, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed, eyes dancing gleefully. I wanted to punch him. "Well, sir, I misread your email – the subject line anyway. I thought it said 'Star Trek Friday.' You know, like they have 'Dress Down' or 'Casual' Fridays. And I didn't open and read the email."


"Why not?"


"I never do." Ah shit! I didn't intend to admit that.


He looked ready to go off the deep end, but caught himself. "I suppose you're probably not the only one. I do send a lot, most for the sole purpose of morale building, but I believe most employees at least open them to be sure." He looked around the room, but many didn't meet his eyes. "Still, it's inexplicable to me that you actually believed this is something we would do."


"I'm, um, a little obsessed with it," I said.


"I see. And this speech of yours, exactly how long did you practice it?"


"I didn't. Once I realized my ignorance, sir, I wanted to go home. Only, not attending the meeting assured me of being fired. At least showing up, as stupid as I look right now, gave me a minimal chance of remaining employed. I didn't think I had anything to lose."


"Well, you do look stupid, Swit; and your impassioned speech did not inspire at all. Still, it was innovative; and I believe you're intelligent, but misguided."


Yep, misguided. That's me.


"I probably should, but I'm not going to fire you. I do expect you," he looked at everybody in the room, "all of you, to read my emails. Is that clear?"


Everybody agreed.


"Take your seat, Mr. Swit. After this meeting you will go home. I don't need more distractions here. Come back on Monday. I assume you know better than to wear that or anything like that here again?"


"Yes sir," I said, retrieving my chair.


I knew I dodged many bullets. A machine gun's worth of them. I felt relief at not having to speak to Tess about how I lost my job. I looked over at Steve who still gloated and whispered, "Qapla'," Success!


Then my cell phone vibrated. I saw a text from Tess: 'WHAT IS THIS VIDEO STEVE POSTED ON FACEBOOK! ARE YOU ACTUALLY WEARING…'


I didn't finish it. All caps. Not good. I looked over at Steve, who looked so smug and pleased with himself. 'Qapla',' he mouthed.


Clack… Clack… Clack… Clack…

March 23, 2023 00:57

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21 comments

Glenda Toews
14:03 Apr 20, 2023

OMG! Lol. Very good!

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Kevin V
16:05 Apr 20, 2023

Thank you Glenda. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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Kevin V
16:28 Apr 20, 2023

And I will ask you, if you read one of my stories especially while I can edit it here, and you see something off or think something might make it better, PLEASE say so. I never get offended, and it's how I grow as a writer.

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Laura Jarosz
17:01 Mar 30, 2023

I loved this so much! There was even a Trekker vs. Trekkie explanation! The premise is so plausible. The characters' choices and behaviors were all perfectly natural (everyone knows a Steve; come to think of it, there's a Jillian in every office, too). The dialogue was witty. This might be my favorite piece this round!

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Kevin V
18:36 Mar 30, 2023

Thank you, Laura! I appreciate that you took the time to read and comment on my story. Glad you enjoyed it. I had fun writing it.

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Jody S
21:33 Mar 29, 2023

OMG--you so captured office politics so well and wish such humor!! As someone who often misreads things, I could see me in this piece!! Thank you for the lovely laugh on this dreary (in Pittsburgh) Wednesday!

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Kevin V
22:52 Mar 29, 2023

You are welcome, Jody, and thank you for taking the time to comment! It is a bit dreary, isn't it? (I am in Youngstown, OH)

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Jody S
00:00 Mar 30, 2023

Dreary and now windy!! Here's to sunny days to write by!

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V. S. Rose
23:37 Mar 28, 2023

Ok so you had me chuckling like a goof as you led me down the lane on this one, and then Tom's speech in the board room was the icing on the cake. Just hilarious. LOL at the image of a sole klingon in an office with everyone else in business attire. Very funny Kevin. This is my favorite story of yours so far. I also loved that it was easy to read and clear. Great dialogue and you can easily see the characters motivations. Looks like your on the recommended list this week so that means a judge liked your story too!

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Kevin V
00:05 Mar 29, 2023

Thank you for the kind words, VS! I'm glad you enjoyed it. So this is on the recommended reading list? Huh. To be honest, I don't really understand how that works. So if a judge likes the story, it might go there? I just figured they randomly picked something. I did have fun writing this and like it more than the horror story I also submitted this week. I wrote it first (horror story), being unable to come up with anything else. Then this came to me while running my machine at work. So was able to get it in before the deadline, fortunatel...

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V. S. Rose
22:57 Mar 29, 2023

Yeah so I'm not 100% on this but this is how I think it works: Judges get a slew of stories each week. They rank each story, selecting their favorites for their short list. The stories that each judge rates high will show up on the recommended list for whatever genres you picked for your stories (Funny, Drama, Horror, Fiction, etc.) The recommended list gets read by the next level of judges (mysterious to me), and then they pick the final short list and the winner. So the initial judge who gets your story has to rank it high on their list ...

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Kevin V
23:26 Mar 29, 2023

Thanks, V.S. That makes more sense than my thinking they are randomly chosen. There are many good writers here. I don't envy them having to pick one.

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Russell Mickler
13:48 Mar 27, 2023

Hi Kevin! Today was a good day to dress as a Klingon! Heck, I think every day is a good day to dress as a Klingon ... I, too, adore Trek. If you've been watching Picard this week, you've been super geeking out at it like me, I'd imagine :) This work was very funny with a strong inner monologue. I could definitely picture the office environment and the sense of shame around misinterpreting a memo. The Steve character reminds me of non-Trekkers when Shatner did his Saturday Night skit (I'm that old, too, if you are!) ... I think, today, pe...

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Kevin V
16:25 Mar 27, 2023

Thank you Russell. Yep, I'm old enough. I predate the original series by 4 years, and Saturday Night Live by 13. I never saw William Shatner host it as I lost interest after the Chase, Belushi, Akroyd, et al era. And I am geeking out on Picard. I am really enjoying it. The interaction between the characters is truly a joy to watch. Too bad we won't get a season 4. I am also liking Strange New Worlds as well. Awaiting season 2. Thank you for reading and commenting. I am glad you enjoyed it!

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Richard E. Gower
09:11 Mar 24, 2023

I loved this!! -:) Poor Tom doesn't need any more aggravation, but his situation could probably be summed up in just two words: Kobayashi Maru -:) Cheers! RG

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Kevin V
09:49 Mar 24, 2023

Well said, Richard, and thank you! I never considered the Kobayashi Maru, but it would certainly fit! I appreciate your taking the time to stop by, read and comment!

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Mary Bendickson
05:50 Mar 24, 2023

Oh, Clack! What was that! Hilarious! "I assume you know better than to wear that or anything like here again?" does this sentence need a 'it' or 'that' in it? Otherwise perfection. 'mud that back up again':)

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Kevin V
08:32 Mar 24, 2023

Thanks, Mary, and good catch on the missing 'that' or 'it.' I went with 'that.' I think my mind just added it, so I never saw that. Please never hesitate to point those out. Pesky things.

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Mary Bendickson
13:47 Mar 24, 2023

We all do that because we re-read it so many times to ourselves knowing what we meant to write we become blind to the obvious. It is easy enough to fill it in for the writer that one feels nit-picky pointing it out. Did not spoil the story for me.

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Michelle Oliver
12:39 Mar 30, 2023

This is gold, Kevin. Oh I am cringing with second hand embarrassment reading it! How ballsy was he to go into that meeting and wing it! Clack clack indeed! Fantastic work.

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Kevin V
16:21 Mar 30, 2023

Ballsy? We having a bit of punnish fun here! Thank you for reading and commenting. I admit to being pretty happy with how this came out. I know I had fun as I wrote it, and I'm happy that you enjoyed it.

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