LIKE MAGIC

Was it a sad thing or a good thing? I can feel it in my bones the way people wish to feel. As if someone gave me a unknown super power without asking. Sometimes all it takes is a conversation and immediately I can feel what the person wishes for. It's almost like a burning sensation if I don't try. My face gets all red and I feel the powers start to bubble. I feel the beam of light trying to get out.

When I met her I had no idea shed become my world. She had it all figured out except she didn't. Her world was turned upside down after I entered it. Peeling back all the layers and digging for the truth. I knew there was more then what was on the surface but who knew my whole life would end up being dedicated trying to be someones light. Sometimes when I look back on that summer day it feels like I had no choice. These days I'm wishing I could be someone else. Anyways, it feels like yesterday. I choose to be the light and now I feel dark. Imagine always connecting to peoples pain and knowing exactly what to say to change someones perspective but what happens when you stop being able to change your own ? It starts to feel like it hurts more than helps. Ive always wanted to be able to help but it feels like my insides have become a black hole. I feel like a comic book where I thought I was a super hero but then the plot twists and I start to feel the wishing thoughts of nothing but darkness spreading over all the humans that took from me. No second guesses about it just thought id survive like a super hero. I learned I wasn't a super hero I was human and humans hurt. We need time to process things and to gain are energy back. We need time alone to understand what this almost future seeing feeling is or it becomes a burden. We can't see the light anymore if it's being sucked out of us. Sometimes it feels easier to never wanna help again but I think the world needs super heroes that do show up in the people they loves lives even those in need that you share a quick conversation with in a coffee line. It can hurt so much feeling misunderstood but sometimes there is those rare few that no how to take the pain and turn it into flowers. Like magic. You snap it away from the wanderers who have no clue how to navigate the darkness, almost like a feeling or a sense that you can take this away from them. Are you gonna ? Are you gonna stop what you're doing and offer a way ? That's always the question. Even when your dragged thru the mud there is always a choice . Do you pick to stay down with the rest or will you offer what you know you got ? That secret super power waiting to be released for good. To come to the rescue even when you're not asked.

So what does that look like for you? Does it feel good or do you hurt? Do you feel like you have a choice to let these people go off into the world without the tools of survival? I know I can't just watch if I have it in me to give. I don't know how many people i'll meet in my life that actually likes to sit in emotions and feel each thorn. I rather suffer in truth than live in delusion. I would spread a fairy dust over the sky for everyone to inhale a beautiful pink crystal powder that shined beautiful pink light. It would lift delusion from the mind and people would finally try for them selves. Super heroes who aided the wounded would now kick back and rest while the dust did its job. Pineapple juice in hand, legs kicked up on a beach. I wouldn't have to feel the burning sensation of having to mentally help and heal. There would be an army of humans working together in love and light. Magic they'd say but to me it was finally the answer id hoped for.

I wanted peace and I found that but not just within myself but for others. Thats the thing about super powers , so id call it. You don't just want to help your self you wish to help those around you without a second thought. It's hard to just sit back and watch people hurt. It's not in my bones to just feel it and not do anything about it. Opening up quickly always happen. I hated boundaries. I hated attitudes or moods that didn't allow you to understand people whole heartedly. As if you had something to hide. I didn't wanna ever feel like I had something to hide so Id try to be as open as I could. I tried to give every word I had in my brain almost as if I drank a truth serum. How could I help if there were so many secrets between the human and i. I wouldn't understand how to feel the real raw emotions of these persons words. So I chose to knock down walls always when I spoke my spells. I wanted them to feel me, I wanted to feel them.. every feeling without hiding. Some liked to think of it as draining but I liked to think of it as living! Actually getting to feel a person even if it only for a day or night. It didn't matter to me as long as I got to feel the imprint of that soul interaction. A real one. Not just for show. For me this was always a very interesting gift I'll never understand where I got. It would be up to me to use it or hide it. Magic is what it felt like. My personal ball of energy.