dazed and dead for love

I needed you to keep me safe, to love me. Tell me all the lies babe. That we would be together forever. You said you did not see me as i saw you. Maybe i should disappear into dust and ash. How long before you love me? Now you say you have me in your heart but it is not clear why i need you here. To find my self? Or hide my fear? Ever tear me to peace till there is nothing left but my heart of stone. It is My fault i let you in. but i think that i love you anyway. I do. This weight inside me feels like it is going to blow. I know you will leave me on the side of the road but right before that, I will have this sensation oh don't you see.  Everyone asks “oh but how do you know” just looking at me as I am shaking with fear. these days turn to weeks and I am begging you, please. Just leave me before I give you this horde disease. Everyone is looking at me where can I go? But my medication beside me seems to be doing no good. I have to fight with the urges to take half this shit while running into the darkness in front of me. Oh, you say you will care. Deep down I know you won’t so that's really not fair.  Liars and cheats oh wait we were talking about me yea maybe I am that to just run while you can. Keep going and going now wish I was gone they say that I am spinning so now what am I on. So took half the bottle we shall see who will care about me. But just remember that no one was there Useless begging for help waiting and waiting but time kept passing by without you. Keep telling me that I do not have to change.  Then they turn around and judge me all the same. Never held on to me when i saw by your side You did not want them to see. Hoping you would open up your eyes. And Realize what you have done to me. Never think to cross the lines. Never dare to look you in the eyes. You keep telling me that I do not have to change. As long as they do not see, what you have done to me Keep waiting for a change to come, for the blinding light to shine through, maybe I am just not worth your time at all. I am Feeling judged in your arms. I Just keep waiting for you to love me. Just do as you are told and maybe, he will love me just for me.  I need you back in my life for this moment. I just need one more minute with you. Maybe just lye with me till i pass away. Tangled in this mess of love, drugs, and hate. This strong bond to you like we are one. But is it really all of me or all of you. You grew close as we grew apart from my love. I want to just spend one more lifetime. Maybe we can take these pills and die forever. Please just let me stay by your side. You remind me that i am never enough.but if it is from you i can take your words to the grave. We were growing away from each other. Now you have kids of your own that's when i realized i was alone. So i called one last time. Just to hear it ring. Then you pick up the phone and the stress grows heavy in my chest. You ask if i am ok and i say i’m not the girl you used to see. But then you lie and say you still love me. I told you that it didn’t feel right for me. And that you keep calling me baby and i will die before the night is over. Then you tell me your wife is not home. I slam the phone. I need you baby but i hate you. Can't feel you near me. But thank you for this party. Now i am not the girl you used to see. I hate it with you gone. Now your alone in this world for me. You say to come back maybe i still need you. Hold on i - i still want you. I hate you. Maybe we’ll grow to love. You say you still need me. Now i hold your hand by the bedside. And tell you everything is going to be alright. This room keeps me away. Locked away. You tell me one more time you need me as you fade away. Throw me away to. Being empty in a lonely room feels as if i should be dead to. I walk away never saying good bye to the love of my life. Now i'm alone on the floor. Maybe he should have never said those 3 words. I love you. I looked up at him in the stars my tears burning my face should have never lied to myself and maybe i needed to pretend that love was not crazy after all. Holding his hand in mine. This heartbreak was worse than my need of like from you my dear. All the thoughts in my head as i lay on the floor, find the word  to say i love you one last time. Bruise on my heart deep as the cuts on my wrists. I wanted to make happy. scream for my lover to come back, make me whole again. It was never going to change but then it did. His words are dead i keep blind to him. Then i went back. Maybe if i changed. Maybe if i just walked away. I need you babe please don't go. Just Say all the words again my love. Repeat them slowly for forever. As we die off i still don't know if your with me in my last moments i thank you for my pain and tell you i would do this all again