I wasn’t sure where I was headed in life. I woke up to a new woman in my bed and found her repulsive. I’m not sure if I ever knew where I was headed. She smelled like a skunk. I couldn't believe it. I turned over to what I thought to be an angel and there she was, a beast of a woman. What was I thinking? You know, I never know what I’m thinking until I’ve already thought it. It’s a funny thing. Even right now who knows what thoughts are occurring, that’s why after she asked what I was thinking, I told her to leave. But now in retrospect, it’s clear that I was thinking, mainly how I could get her to leave- only after she left did the thought dawn on me.
Later that day I walked through the streets of Tokyo. I had nothing better to do. People passed with their strange faces, ancient and young, except there was one girl who really caught my eye. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen such a beautiful woman. She pulled out from a shop on the side and didn’t even look at me, yet clearly everyone was looking at her. She had jet-black hair that dangled right above her hips, she wore a camel-colored peacoat, and I followed her.
She was the perfect girl for me. I noticed several other men following her. Did they believe she was the perfect girl for them? I stopped them.
Hey fellas, do you think she’s the perfect girl for you?
How can she be the perfect girl for all of you if she’s the perfect girl for me?
I wasted their time as she vanished into the crowd. Luckily, I had a plan. Against her keychain there was an employee sticker for a coffee shop nearby. After the guys were done explaining why she was the perfect girl for them and why she wasn't the perfect girl for me, their perfect girl had vanished. When they finally realized she was gone, they walked back to whichever hole they came from.
I stepped inside just as she was putting on her apron. I couldn’t believe it, the perfect girl for me was looking in my direction. I had to wait around before getting in line as there was a burly woman still working the register. I turned my back for just a second and suddenly a line of people poured in from the street. Each of them tried their luck and asked for her name, her number, to which she denied them all quite gracefully, smiling and saying “Sorry, but no thank you.” as she handed their Latte’s. I had to reconsider what I was going to say. What I originally planned to say had already been used by far more handsome men. I had to think of something more clever.
Hey, want to go out?
Are you single?
Do you like me?
Am I your type?
Do you want to see each other, some other time?
Do you love me?
No, of course you don’t.
Finally I got to the register and saw her up close, wow, I thought and somehow said out loud. She laughed and asked what my name was. I told her mine and she told me hers. I said something else and when I looked down, she handed me a paper with her phone number and name, Rose.
I never know what I’m thinking until after it’s been thought and who knows what I said, but somehow it worked.
Rose. Rose. Rose. I repeated her name aloud as I walked out the coffee shop. It was night time and the city was well illuminated with neon signs.
I sent her the first text.
“So, why me?”
“Who knows, I usually don’t think until after I’ve already thought.”, she wrote.
“Hey me too! Do you want to go out tonight?”
“Sure, come pick me up at my place.”
“Great, see you soon."
Could you believe it? A guy like me, just this morning down on his luck, now going on a date with the perfect girl. I got ready, put on the best thing I had, sprayed a rose-scented cologne, and headed back out.
I still couldn’t believe what happened the night before. I saw her from afar and couldn’t tell that she was a cow. I must have brought her home with my eyes closed. Only when I woke up did I see what happened, a tragedy, but thankfully luck was on my side today.
I arrived at her apartment building. What an interesting place, the apartment lobby was completely empty. There was no one there. I got inside the elevator and went up to the 30th floor. Knocked on her door and I couldn’t believe it. I was greeted by the from girl this morning. Surely this was a mistake. She recognized me and made an angry face, as if she was about to swallow me whole. I saw Rose through the creek of the door.
“Rose!” I said.
She came to the door and before the beast could get a word in, I grabbed Rose and shut the door. She laughed, “how silly!” as she twirled around my arms.
Rose wore a black skirt and a graphic tee with a band I love.
“You listen to them?”
“Yeah, I love them!”
“You know, I usually don’t know where I’m going but I’ve got somewhere in mind tonight.” I said.
We walked through the street and every person we passed turned their heads. Could you believe it? A guy like me holding hands with the perfect girl.
Rose and I talked and laughed and things were going great. We arrived at the place.
“Wow, I love this place” she said.
“Yeah I used to come here all the time with my ex.”
“Yeah that’s James over there!”
She ran over and I couldn’t believe it, he was in fact the perfect guy for her. About a foot taller than myself with a chiseled face. She gave him a big hug and I wasn't sure whether to leave or get between them.
“Who’s this guy?” James said, pushing my shoulder.
“Yeah, you bozo.”
“Well, I’m the perfect guy for Rose.”
Rose interjected, “I always thought James was the perfect guy for me but unfortunately I wasn’t the perfect girl for him.”
“No Rose, I’m the perfect guy for you and you’re the perfect girl for me.” I said.
“Really?” She seemed amazed.
“Well I didn’t know before. You know, I never know what I’m thinking until I’ve already thought it, but now I know. I can finally feel the thought and you’re undoubtedly the perfect girl for me.”
James interjected. “If you’re the perfect guy for Rose, and Rose is the perfect girl for you, who’s the perfect girl for me?”
Coincidentally, the beast from this morning had tracked us down and ran in sweating like a hog.
“He’s not the perfect guy for you!”
Everyone turned toward her.
I couldn’t believe it, the woman had followed us all this way.
“He’s not, Rose, he’s the perfect guy for me!”
Rose was clearly confused.
“How could you have two perfect girls for you?” she asked.
“She’s not,” I exclaimed. “In fact, seeing you two together” as the beast stood next to James, "I think you two are the perfect couple."
James looked down at the beast and the beast looked up at Jame’s chiseled face, reminiscent of a Grecian statue.
James said “You know, I think you’re right. I rarely know what I’m thinking until after I think about it but I can think clearly now, you are clearly the perfect girl for me.”
Two perfect couples having a perfect night. We drank, listened to music, danced, James and the beast got intimate as Rose and I cuddled in a booth.
“You know what?” Rose said. "I never know where I’m going but I know tonight I’m going home with you."
We left kissing all the way back to my apartment. A passionate night of unremitting love, although something horrible happened. I woke up and Rose was suddenly unpalatable. I couldn’t bear to look at her. You know, I never know what I’m thinking until after I think it but I told her as she was laying in bed. “I’m never going out with you again.”