Have a Magical Day™!

Submitted into Contest #16 in response to: Write a story around the theme: Be careful what you wish for.... view prompt

7 comments

General

February 18, 2019

Ms. Gilman,

Thank you for your feedback. We appreciate you reaching out to the Department of Complaints in regard to your less than satisfactory Magical Wish Granting Experience™ with Khamul the Grand (ID: 47-829351). Here at Genies Inc., we strive for superb customer satisfaction and are sorry that you did not have a positive experience.

We regret to inform you, however, that we are unable to address the complaints you filed. Upon reviewing your request, we forwarded it to our Division for Dissatisfied Customers. They will be able to address your concerns. Please allow 2–3 business weeks for them to respond.

We thank you for your support and hope you have a Magical Day™!

Sincerely,

Ewell Dylone, Complaint Specialist

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May 11, 2019

Ms. Gilman,

We recently received your file from the Department of Complaints and have reviewed your case. Unfortunately, upon further review, we are unable to address your concerns. While our department deals with customers who had a non-pleasant Magical Wish Granting Experience™, your complaints falls under the purview of the Office of Undesired Request Fulfillment.

We have forwarded them your case, and they will get back to you within 2–3 business weeks. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

We thank you for your support and hope you have a Magical Day™!

Sincerely,

Anita Drink-Moore, Customer Service Specialist

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September 21, 2019

Ms. Gilman,

We have reviewed your request and, unfortunately, are not able to process your requested wish refund. As per our policy, any request that is fulfilled in an undesirable manner may be submitted for a refund. However, upon further review, your case does not meet the necessary requirements to do so. Below is an explanation of our decision.

Wish #1: “I wish for a boy friend.”

In your letter, you wrote, “When I wished for a boyfriend, I meant a romantic partner. The wish that was granted was just a boy who was a friend. That is not what I wanted, so I am requested a refund.”

Unfortunately, you submitted your wish via a vocal channel instead of a written channel. As such, Khamul the Grand (ID: 47-829351), and any other Genies Inc. representative, is not liable for any misunderstandings that may arise from ambiguities within the spoken language. As can be read in the Terms and Conditions on the bottom of the genie lamp you rubbed, had you opted to submit your wish in writing, the difference between “boyfriend” and “boy friend” would have been clearly defined. However, your vocal request’s lack of clarity—and thus your dissatisfaction with said fulfillment—does not fall within the legal responsibility of Genies Inc.

Wish #2: “I wish I had one million dollars.”

In your letter, you wrote, “Wishing for one million dollars was straightforward, and I’m beginning to think Khamul just wanted to be difficult. What am I supposed to do with a briefcase full of $13 bills? No bank I took them to would accept them as valid currency.”

Unfortunately, your wish did not specify the size of bills you requested to be paid in. As such, Khamul the Grand (ID: 47-829351) was free to create the $1 million in whatever form deemed appropriate. The money you have is real; the refusal of a bank or any other entity to accept those bills is not the responsibility of Genies Inc.

Furthermore, when we provided a solution to redress your problem (although Genies Inc. had no legal obligation to do so), you responded, “What the [expletive redacted] am I going to do with 100 million pennies!?”

Due to both the ambiguity of your request and your denial of our suggested improvement, Genies Inc. has no further legal obligation to refund your wish.

Wish #3: Unused

We noticed that you still have not used your third wish. We would like to remind you that it is valid up to one (1) calendar year after you rubbed the lamp and released Khamul the Grand (ID: 47-829351). Your final wish is not redeemable for cash and cannot be resold or exchanged.

Any further concerns or questions can be directed to our Bureau of Consumer Feedback. Please allow 2–3 business weeks for them to respond to any inquiries or feedback.

We thank you for your support and hope you have a Magical Day™!

Sincerely,

Kizma Butte, Senior Fulfillment Officer

November 21, 2019 01:15

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7 comments

Rima El Boustani
17:40 Nov 28, 2019

I couldnt stop laughing. I love the humor, it was seriously well written and humor isnt easy! The content was both believable and funny. I like the magical context and how well it combines with the businesslike non acceptance of blame. Theres always some kind of excuse! I also like that you ended the stpry with an unused wish that couldnt be exchanged for anything. The repeated use of 2-3 business weeks just rings true! Good luck in the future

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Riya 🌺
00:42 Mar 18, 2021

This story is so funny! I love how we get to know their wishes and how the company "fulfilled" them.

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Shirley Medhurst
08:44 Apr 24, 2020

Great take on the prompt. Typical cop-out response of a 'read the small print' insurance claim.... Loved it.

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19:44 Dec 13, 2019

I really enjoyed this! The tone was absolutely spot on; you could feel the complainant's frustration and the smug way the rep was replying to them put my teeth on edge! It's a really nice take on the theme. It gave me a very 'Artemis Fowl' vibe.

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Steven Marengo
07:33 Nov 28, 2019

Great job on this. I really enjoyed the writing style and the comedy you used.

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Natasha Arnold
15:15 Nov 27, 2019

I always like this style of writing, good stuff!!

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Emily Nghiem
20:03 Jun 03, 2020

Hilarious and extremely well-written and intelligent. Why can't we have this level of humor on comedy shows anymore? Maybe you should audition as a writer or start your own show or series of shorts! Would love to collaborate with you on comedy shorts. Not only to make people laugh, but make people think. And raise the standards on writing, entertainment and humor! Thank you and I hope you take your professional talents to the top, where more people can enjoy them and strive to be as excellent as you!

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