I sat on my bed restlessly, the curtains were still, I could feel the air on my face, like it was creasing my hair, as I was about to cry. No light, just a dark room in the daytime, I checked up on my phone again to see if he had messaged me, to see if there is a sign of anything which indicates he wants me back. But, there was only a message which says, “kindly pay your light bill, or it will be disconnected” ugh, I just wanted a motivation to get out of room and I got a very good one. My life, is a mess, the only mess I don’t like!
I felt like my energy was all drained, my heart felt too heavy and eyes were too tired to cry again, I banged my body on the bed, my hair spread on the bead very gracefully, the room was still, no noise at all except the clocks tickling-tik -tok, tik – tok, air whooshes on my face, telling me to keep up with myself, like a friend…he was my best friend and how can he do that with me, out of sudden acting like I don’t even exist, he disappeared from my life like a ghost, blocked me on every account he knew except one. He knew, that account, but still kept it unblocked, does he want me to come to him and tell him sorry for something I myself even don’t know, okay I understand, if you do any mistake and then people starts ignoring you, then you tell them sorry, but here I can’t even recall the mistake I made, because as long as I remember I didn’t made any mistake to be treated like this! Asshole, do we call this type of relation as friendship? No, because friends don’t let their friends go, they fight for them, they make things right, they don’t leave their side, they support eachother no matter what, they, keep their attitude and ego aside when it comes to friendship. I played my role very well as a friend, even after all of his shit, I still messaged him and in return he replied it with heart, and blocked me out. Can you see how badly he is playing with me, my emotions, if he thinks I will come again to him to say sorry, then he is so wrong. As this is something not going to happen, I can not make myself look weak in front of him, I can and will show I don’t need him, I am very independent, and even though in reality I need him the most and I can’t loose him, I will show him, that I don’t need him, I am very very happy after this.
My blood boiled, and in rage I got up. Went in bathroom, on the tap and went towards closet took my favorite dress and banged the door, I looked up in mirror, “I am enough for myself, if he is good then I am best, he don’t need you, Seinna, he left you, and yet here you are still thinking about that asshole, he is an asshole, he was an asshole and he will be an asshole. Just mark my words!” I felt the water flowing on the floor, oh shit. I ran inside, and shut it down, “wow, he is not here but still manages to do some loss of mines. Mr. Asshole, get the fuck out of my brain.”
I came out, took my keys, and went to work.
I work in café, and I am also a freelancer a part-time one, because café alone can not hold my bills. Sighs, I was cleaning the table vaguely, looking out of window, the busy city, god knows, how many hearts have broken and how many new hearts got connected, some enjoying the most beautiful time of their life, promising eachother to be there forever, and many of the hearts just got separated badly crying about the promise, and thinking how can someone break this ‘forever’ promise so easily!? Well that’s- “hey girl!” Mila, shook me, “you zoned out while cleaning! Is something eating you up?”
“Uh, no, no, I am fine yeah I am fine.”
“Seinna, I know you, so just tell me, what’s going on, your face looks so dull and-
“My friend, actually best friend, is not my friend anymore. And I don’t know what to do. It’s just, I try my best to not think about him, I keep myself busy, but in the end, I end up missing him or cursing him somehow, I can’t control my mind and my heart right now, I feel like a desparate psychopath, he left me, and yet here I am, why can’t I stop thinking about him, why Mila, why? What kind of magic he spelled on me? I was never this desparate before, never, he is an asshole, I just..ugh..”
“ Feeling little better?”
“ How can I feel better pal? He was literally the best friend, and I know I can never ever have a friend like him again, nor I will make other my best friend.”
“Girl, listen, he ended this friendship, just do one thing if you want tell him sorry, see what he does, and if he reacts totally opposite, then just leave him, he is not worth to cry!”
“Yeah, thanks for the advice-
Beep-Beep, I looked at my phone, and it was his message, half of my brain want to curse him on his face, but other side melted right away, “Seinna, back to earth. Is it, uh, his message?” I nodded my head, and adrenaline rushed and handled the situation, by clicking it up. “Seinna, what it says?”
“I know, you are thinking why am I messaging you now, but I am going away from you, very far, and before going there, I want you to meet me first and clear things up. I am- well I am waiting for you at our spot, at 8, for god sake Seinna, don’t be late!”
While reading this message, I could hear my heart beat so loudly, the word ‘very far’ is too much to handle, I can feel my heart coming out of my chest, pounding so badly. I was shocked, “Mila, what does he mean by far?”
“Calm down S, he is just annoying you, afterall he is an asshole.” And she giggled…well how dare she made fun of my bestie,
“Mila, who gave you the right to disrespect my best friend? It is only me, who can tell him asshole, not you! Understand.”
She looked me angrily, and went at her work.
* AT SPOT***
I came inside his room, still that messy, “I kept room messy knowingly, you like it na..” I was angry at him, but I just smiled, and after that I felt I shouldn’t smile, I am angry. He exclaimed further, “hungry?” I didn’t replied anything, nothing. He looked aloof, and started doing the table. “Come on, don’t be so childish.”
Really, “I am being childish?”
“No, no, I am behaving childish, now shall we take a seat Ms. Seinna?”
Asshole, we sat, and he was looking at me while I was serving myself, “don’t look at me like that.” He laughed, but this time the laugh was empty, “why, what happened?”
“You know what happens! So don’t play with me like that.”
“No, seriously, I always wonder, why you always put your hands on my eyes, what does you see in it? Just a simple question.”
He smiled and took the bread. Just cut the crap, I can’t wait anymore. “what happened? For which reason, you are punishing me like this? I told you sorry, for the things, I don’t even know about”
“So desperate, you are always this impatient, jumping on the conclusion..let time do some work.”
“Indeed, I would have let time do the work, but by seeing your beautiful message, I can’t. So will you please explain me what is happening?”
He said nothing, just teared the bread, and dipped it delicately in the soup, opens his mouth and kept it delicately on his tongue, and started to chew it, “what, now why are you looking me like that?” oh he noticed. I took a deep breath, and started to eat, don’t shout at him now, just listen calmly to what he says and then talk accordingly Seinna.
“I am very busy now a days, and I can’t be with you all the time, I am unable to reply you or anyone else, and you just don’t understand it. You need to understand, I can’t be with you, every time. You just don’t get it, dude.” I could sense the irritation in his voice.
“I am sorry. I am already feeling very bad about that, and you are just making it sound more worst”
“I am going, I will be not here anymore, I have to go, it’s related to my future, and it’s an opportunity. I can’t loose it.”
“I am not holding you back, you are free, do whatever and however you want it to do. Who am I to speak?” when I said this afterwards it felt like I am holding him back, even though that’s not what I meant to say, really!
“See. You have to be understanding, when I am with you indeed I spend the most beautiful time of my life with you but you disturb me, it distract me, Seinna”
“ I am sorry for the disturbance I created, I promise it won’t happen again.”
“No, its not what I meant to say, it’s just, it’s not in your hand, but afterwards I eventually get disturb, which you know disturb my whole schedule, and I just don’t want it.”
“Oh I got it, you don’t want me, and you are saying it in a very beautiful way you can. Well that’s impressive.”
He smiled, to lighten up the mood, as it was too intense, “you are like a small child, always be like this, happy, I like your happiness.”
I smiled, it just came up, “cheesy line” he laughed. But suddenly things started to get worst. And…
**AFTER 30 MINS**
“ You can never keep your words, you gave me words, and you were unable to keep it. What do you think, I am free, and I do time pass, well let me tell you one thing, I am busy too, yet I make time for you, you know why because if there is a will there is a way, thousands of way, and I don’t like to give words which I don’t mean.”
“Excuse me, what did you just said right now.” He raised his left eyebrow, oh let me tell him one more time, “I told, you can not keep your words, because you say things which you don’t mean.”
He laughed, “at least I say things, which I am capable of, unlike you.” How dare he. I took the glass full of water, and splashed it on him, all wet, “enjoy your dinner yourself, and go however far you want to, just do me a favor and never ever show your face. Asshole!” I walked out of the room, and sat in the cab. “ Wow, what a dinner!”