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April 14, 2004
Dear Diary,
Guess what? I got a kitten today! She was living in a bush in front of our house and looked so scared. My dad says it was a stray. I kept feeding her milk and she’s no longer scared of me. I begged to keep her, and dad finally caved in. He knows I’ve always loved animals and I’ve been begging for a pet ever since I could talk.
I got to go now and play with my new kitten! I’ll write again soon!
Love,
K <3
January 7, 2014
Dear Diary,
I can’t remember the last time I wrote here. I can flip back the page and see it was almost 10 years ago. My dad bought me this journal years ago when I was 8 years old, a small freckled girl very willing to share my every thought to anyone (or anything) who would listen. In this case, that was a journal, a companion forced to take in every word and lacking the ability to tune me out or tell me to stop talking so much.
Well, today I found out my dad was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. According to doctors and specialists it’s very advanced and has a 1 in 3 survival rate. Best-case scenario, he lives for maybe 5 years before the cancer consumes him. Worst-case scenario, I have one year left with him.
I’m not really a diary kind of girl, but the therapist insisted I used one to write down my thoughts to process everything. Oh right, I have to see a therapist weekly now to help cope with my dad’s illness. They thought it would help since my mom is out of the picture and if my dad dies, well it will just be me.
Honestly, dad needs the therapy more than I do. The first thing he did when he found out? Planned a trip to Hawaii. (Not that I’m complaining).
Love,
K
July 5, 2014
Dear Diary,
It’s been a few months since I last posted here, but I’m excited to be writing from the beaches of Oahu! In case you missed that, yes, we’re in Hawaii! It’s a little hard to write with sand blowing all over the pages, but I’m too blissful to care.
Yesterday was one of the most magical experiences of my life. We visited Hanuma Bay in Oahu, and it was incredible! We had to sit through an entire guided training for 57 minutes before they gave us the snorkel gear. I was so restless that it was almost comical. As soon as they let us on our own, I was so giddy I practically ran all the way down the sand until I reached the water.
I couldn’t remember the last time I actually swam in open waters. I’m more of a lounge-by-the-pool, jump-in-the-jacuzzi, cute selfie-taking type. But today, I couldn’t stop swimming, even when I could feel my arms growing sore. There was so much to see! A blue tang fish looking as lost and confused as Dory from Finding Nemo (do blue tangs all have short-term memory loss?). A moray eel, slithering out of a hole and floating a little too close to my body for my taste. Sea turtles, huge and majestic, swimming so swiftly they would appear and disappear from my line of sight without warning. A magical marine experience.
We ended the night watching fireworks on Waikiki Beach before grabbing some shaved ice and heading back to our hotel room. As we sat there watching the bursts of color flash and fade away just as quickly as they appeared, a lump started to form in my throat. My eyes began to well up with tears and I had to turn away.
Just like the fireworks, my dad would soon disappear from my life just as quickly and fade away into darkness.
Love,
K
November 23, 2018
Dear Diary,
My dad passed away last week. The funeral was yesterday. I don’t really want to talk or write about it. It was a beautiful service, but the tears come and go.
Today was a strange day. An executor showed up to our, sorry, my house to carry out my dad’s wishes as stated on his will. I thought I would get a notice or a heads up. But nope, he showed up out of the blue, with no warning on a Saturday morning at 9:30am on the dot.
Nathaniel Stewart - a boring name to match a boring man. His slow drawl and monotonous voice almost put me to sleep, and I barely registered the conversation. There was a hummingbird fluttering outside the window, dancing in the sun and hopping from flower to flower.
I tuned in and out hearing bits and pieces - my father left this house to me, he left $50,000 to me, he left all his earthly possessions to me, and a few other things I don’t remember.
Right before he left, Nathaniel mentioned there was one last thing he was instructed to give me. He handed over an incredibly tiny leather pouch, with an even tinier button clasping it shut. When he left I opened it and found an ordinary looking key and felt strangely disappointed. I don’t know what I expected - maybe a diamond, a family ring, something small of incredible value? I know I definitely didn’t expect this.
Love,
K
February 19, 2021
Dear Diary,
Today has been an exhausting day. Have you ever had one of those days that have felt so long, that you’re almost certain that it must have been yesterday, maybe the day before, when you had started working on this project. Definitely not 12 hours ago.
12 hours of work. I logged on to work at 7:30am this morning, and it’s now 7:30pm, the earliest I’ve signed off all week. I closed my laptop feeling so mentally drained, and immediately let myself fall hard onto my bed. I felt something move from under the pillows accompanied by an almost inaudible rustle. I pulled out a small leather pouch from under my pillow. The button was already left open and the key dropped into my lap, cold, hard and shiny. As the light hit the key, I noticed some kind of pattern. I looked closer and realized words and numbers were engraved into the key. An address.
Well, curiosity got the best of me, and within 5 minutes I was ready to go check out this place. I found myself at a storage facility. A guy named Robert checked me in and showed me the unit. I unlocked the door and was immediately shocked.
The walls of the unit were covered completely in pictures. I spotted a picture of me and Fluffy, my badly-named kitten I had rescued when I was 8 years old. Below it was a picture of me holding a baby sea turtle in Costa Rica. Next to it, a picture of me wearing a snorkel and grinning at the camera, followed by a badly taken selfie, of the both of us. Me and my dad.
Besides the pictures covering every inch of the walls, the storage unit was pretty empty, except for a small desk in the center of the small room. On top of the desk was a very nice and expensive looking camera. I have no clue what model it was, but it had the letters “Canon” embossed across the top.
Under the camera was a letter addressed to me. I recognized the handwriting and had to swallow a lump in my throat. I grabbed the camera and unopened letter, and left.
I’m still deciding if I have the emotional strength to open the letter. The images from the storage unit keep popping up in my mind. I am feeling extremely nostalgic of the adventures we had, traveling and encountering wildlife.
Love,
K
March 2, 2021
Dear Diary,
What the fuck did I do? Going to that storage unit was a mistake. I don’t know what came over me. That night, I put in my two weeks notice, without anything lined up. No plans, no opportunities, no ideas, nothing. Today was my last day at work.
I came home at 12pm on the dot, a little shaken up that I’ll never walk into that tall building again. Everyone was shocked - my friends, coworkers, everyone I still kept in touch with. I didn’t have a response for anyone. I left my phone on my bed, grabbed the Canon camera, and walked out the door.
I wandered around for a couple hours and found myself at the zoo. I walked around, alone, and couldn’t help but notice everyone around me seeming so cheerful and excited.
I popped the lens off the camera and started taking pictures of everything that caught my eye. The little girl pointing in amazement at the tigers to her mom. The rogue peacock strutting around with its feathers on display, dying to be the center of attention of every passerby. The teenage boy laughing and pointing at an ape, trying to convince his friend they looked identical.
I had no clue I spent so long at the zoo, until I realized it was closing. When I came home, I had a horrible realization. I have absolutely no clue what to do. I don’t even know what I want.
Love,
K
May 17, 2021
Dear Diary,
I’m getting pretty good with my camera. Today, I made an anonymous instagram account and started posting my favorite pictures. It felt odd setting up a new instagram profile while ignoring the hundred of notifications I was receiving and letting my unread text message count rise alarmingly high. I haven’t answered any texts from my friends and ex-coworkers in almost a month.
I didn’t know what to say. I was in a respectable position making a 6-figure salary. And suddenly, out-of-the-blue, I just left everything behind and disappeared. Just like my father had three years ago.
And all that I’m left with is a camera and an instagram account with 27 followers.
Love,
K
October 19, 2024
Dear Diary,
I started working remotely last year, taking up any paid opportunities I could to write blogs, short stories or whatever I could. Half the time, I was making “listicles” on sites like Buzzfeed where I was paid a cent per word.
I’ve been continuing to spend my days going out and taking pictures. My instagram account has blown up. I’ve started talking to some of my old friends again, but it’s hard. They still can’t understand why I gave up a good job with good benefits to write listicles on the best places to travel this winter.
I just got a notification on my phone - I have a new follower on Instagram. I swipe to open, and see my follower count at 32.4K followers.
They still don’t know it’s me. They wouldn’t understand.
Love,
K
April 13, 2029
I now have 150 million followers on Instagram. No one still knows who I am. But I’m starting to care less what other people think.
For the first time in 11 years, I feel truly happy.
Love,
K
June 12, 2034
It’s time for my secret to come out.
Love,
K
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