32 comments

Fantasy Drama

The ocean.


It is not an aroma one expects upon crossing the threshold into a coffee shop.


The salt and the sea.


The fragrance stops me dead in my tracks. For a brief moment, I see the setting around me––the colorful rugs, the scattered tables, the counter, behind which stands a barista chatting with the customer in front of me. At the corner of my eye I see a candle burning near the window, the words "Ocean Breeze" on the label. I see dark, deep blue wax, with a gentle flame upon the wick.


Then, the scene fades. Everything blurs.


Until all I can see are the memories.


Strong… vibrant… and so, so real…


I close my eyes.


It has been a long while since I have thought of home.


The thought has always been there, just at the back of my mind. But I’ve managed to keep it at bay, tightly locked away. There have been many instances when I’ve longed to use the key, to unlock the flood of far-away dreams. I have always resisted. The pain is too great. 


But the ocean… the scent of a world long forgotten…


I am home again.


I remember the warm, salty waters. The touch of the liquid caressing my skin. I can remember the image so clearly: taking step after step, deeper and deeper. I remember the water circling my feet, and then my knees, my waist, my arms, my shoulders, my neck––and then washing over my mouth, my nose, and, finally, my head, until my hair floats around me in the water, free and light. I remember walking and walking and walking, continuing along the ocean floor, the light fading into a dark blueness with every step as the sun faded far away above the surface of the water.


A sun in a different world.


I remember the life in that ocean. The colorful coral, from blues to greens to reds to oranges. I remember the small schools of fish that darted about, some curious as I ventured into their neighborhoods, others cautious, unsure if I represented a threat to their livelihoods. My favorite creatures were the eels. They always poked their heads out to voice a friendly greeting. Some slithered completely out of their dwellings to watch me go, their heads nodding gently in farewell.


I had walked, deeper and deeper, father and farther, until the light began again. I remember that light. The light of my people, my home, my city.


My world.


And once I had reached the very depths of the deepest part of the ocean, I transformed.


I swam among my people down in the depths of that ocean. We lived in a hidden world, a secret one, away from the touch of humans. A world of color and peace and light––so much light. There were times when I left home, certainly; perhaps it was to other cities, other worlds. A few brave souls, including my own, even traveled to the great beyond of the distant shores, where we chose to transform, to walk among the humans, to experience a world far different from home. Those episodes never lasted long.


I always loved coming home far more than venturing away.


I remember feeling––and tasting––the salt on my tongue, the water gently swirling around my tail, welcoming me home. 


The entrance to my city. As I remember swimming past the homes of my people, how I watched as they bowed their heads and flicked their tails in my honor, I smile. I am fond of this recollection. My home is––was––filled with the most wonderful beings.


There was Alea, the bookkeeper. Her home housed writings and scriptures from thousands of years of our ancestors. Adventures and poetry and mystery spilled from her windows. People traveled far and wide to feast their eyes on her collection.


There was Nico, the gardener. His lands featured rows upon rows of color and diversity, from coral to seaweed to grasses to plants. He tended each organism with a love and care unparalleled in this human world. His touch was that of magic; it brought life to any dying creature. 


And there was Eli, the guardian. My guardian. I remember him most of all my people.


He was kind, and strong, and beautiful.


I remember his embrace.


Warm. Solid.


I remember his touch.


Home.


Eli was my protector, although my people did not need protection; we maintained good and fair relations with surrounding civilizations. There had not been a disruption or altercation for thousands upon thousands of years.


Until the humans came.


I remember the end. It had happened so suddenly. But far, far above our city, catastrophe had struck. Once clear and tranquil water became black and suffocating. The blackness swept over our homes, our lands, our friends; the ocean life we had come to nurture withered and died in days. My people, panicked, had spread far and wide.


The blackness had taken some of their lives. Perhaps many. I do not know.


All I remember is smiling, walking among Nico’s plants, my fingers interlaced with Eli’s. I remember his words, the words that have never left me, not for a moment:


“I love you.”


I remember gripping his hand.


And, then, the blackness.


I remember him being ripped away.


I remember being alone.


I had raced through the waters, faster than I had ever swam before. The darkness followed me. I couldn’t escape. And, just when I thought my end was near, when I welcomed death… there was light.


A different light.


Warmth. Solid ground. The taste of… air.


Not water.


My skin had dried. And, as it did, I transformed. I used my new limbs––legs, as I would later discover––and walked, for hours and days and weeks. I cried the first several days, for my people. For Eli. Perhaps it was the last bit of water leaving my soul; the tears were salty and bitter. And once I stopped crying, I knew the ocean and I were forever parted.


It has been many long years since I have faced the memories of my home and the oil spill. I have walked a long way, through homelessness, through addiction, through much pain and agony.


The world of humans is not a kind one.


Now, standing in this coffee shop, the memories come rushing back like a torrential downpour, washing over me, suffocating me…


I can’t breathe


My people…


Gone…


Dead…


Murdered...


“Hello, miss? Can I help you?”


I open my eyes.


The human world returns. I am standing in a coffee shop. The floor is solid and hard beneath my feet. It is warm. Sunlight streams through the windows, rays falling upon my back.


I turn toward the voice, the barista. The eyes I meet are… are…


The sea surges deep within my core.


“Why, hello, my Queen,” Eli says softly from behind the counter. He smiles.


And I feel the ocean spill from my eyes once more.

September 30, 2020 18:47

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32 comments

Noor Ahmed
02:24 Oct 02, 2020

I absolutely love this story and the thought you put in to it. I am in love with these lines: "Now, standing in this coffee shop, the memories come rushing back like a torrential downpour, washing over me, suffocating me…" "It is not an aroma one expects upon crossing the threshold into a coffee shop." and I ECPESICALLY love this "And I feel the ocean spill from my eyes once more." Amazing job, Lina! The creativity... I will definitely come here for some inspiration. Your stories are always so well written. And do you mind having a look ...

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Lina Oz
02:28 Oct 02, 2020

Thank you SO MUCH for your lovely comment! I'm glad that you enjoyed the lines; I tried to actually channel more of a poetic voice, like you do so wonderfully. I'll go read your story now :)

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Noor Ahmed
02:38 Oct 02, 2020

Awww, I'm flattered, but you're so good at it! And thank u smm

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Metaxia Tzimouli
14:30 Oct 25, 2020

Very sweet! Stories about the ocean and mermaids are my favourite! I love the last line, the imagery is strong, I can taste the salt and feel the ocean! If you have time, please read my story Sink or Swim, and tell me what you think!

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Silvia Szabo
15:48 Oct 10, 2020

What a beautiful and touching story! I wish it was longer.. I'm curious about what happens next but you chose a great end. You are very talented. Good luck with your future stories! :)

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Lina Oz
12:56 Oct 11, 2020

Thank you for your kind comment and for giving it a read! :)

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15:22 Oct 08, 2020

Hi This is a wonderful tale that is reminiscent of the little mermaid. Although I am not usually attracted to fantasy stories, your words, your plot, your characterization drew me in and held me in rapt attention. Keep writing!

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Lina Oz
15:33 Oct 08, 2020

Thank you so much for giving my story a read and for your wonderful comment! I really appreciate it. I'll be sure to check out your work :)

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Ray Dyer
21:04 Oct 06, 2020

This is such a sweet story. I didn't see the twist at the end coming, but after I read it, I understood that it was the only ending it could have had. That's what we shoot for, and this story nails it. You've got some very beautiful imagery in here, and such emotional descriptions. I felt like I was taking the journey with her, and I could imagine her grief. Nicely done.

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Lina Oz
02:30 Oct 07, 2020

Thank you so much for giving it a read! I really appreciate your comment; I'm happy the ending came across in that way. It was difficult to imagine emotion in a fantastical piece, so I really appreciate your kind words. :)

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Alexandra Marie
00:29 Oct 05, 2020

This... is sooo beautiful and sad. “Perhaps it was the last bit of water leaving my soul.” Her and the ocean had parted forever and the fact that she didn’t know tears were salty and I love this so much 😭 I am super happy she found her love again and in a coffee shop of all places!? Well done, Lina! Would you mind giving my short from the same prompt a read? I’d love to hear what you think of it 🤗

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Lina Oz
04:50 Oct 05, 2020

Thank you so much for giving it a read and for your lovely comment! :) And I would absolutely love to read your story! I have an insanely busy next few days, but will definitely get to it by the end of the week, if that works :)

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Alexandra Marie
04:52 Oct 05, 2020

Of course! Whenever you can would be awesome (:

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Charles Stucker
04:27 Oct 02, 2020

This swept me forward in its strong current...Enough ocean metaphors Charlie, just get on with it. You bring this mer-person to life. A tragic figure with a past life of wonder, doomed to live among the humans who destroyed her world. The portion where she's flashing back lean toward tell- "I remember the warm, salty waters. The touch of the liquid caressing my skin. I can remember the image so clearly:" Try it in this voice instead, "The warm salt water tingles my skin, not quite stinging. The liquid sooths and flows in its own currents...

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Lina Oz
04:32 Oct 02, 2020

Awesome. Thank you for this; I always tell others to "show, not tell," and then I forget to tell myself to show! I'm also now inspired to include even MORE ocean metaphors. Muahaha. Kidding (but not completely). Thanks as always for your helpful advice and kind comments. I'll work on a small rewrite tomorrow. I think I'll read it aloud to test its fluidity.

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Charles Stucker
04:40 Oct 02, 2020

Show and tell is so tricky. I reserve tell for things like, "Seven days passed uneventfully." Or anything else which can be glossed over with a single sentence because it doesn't impact the story. If showing everything which needs to be shown won't fit word count, then I need a different story. Just one of those little tricks I learned over the decades spent learning to write. And I still make beginner mistakes- because everybody does. It's why we rewrite.

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Cynthia Prokarym
03:12 Oct 02, 2020

What a beautiful story!! 🙂🌹 I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work.

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Lani Lane
02:36 Oct 02, 2020

What an amazing take on the prompt!!! Super unexpected and creative. Love the ending, too, especially that last line.

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Lina Oz
02:44 Oct 02, 2020

Thank you so much! :)

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20:46 Oct 01, 2020

This story was so aesthetically written! The language you used was really beautiful, it was a really soothing read, especially the last line. Well done! Also I liked the pun about keeping the memories of the ocean AT BAY, I thought that was clever!

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Lina Oz
02:45 Oct 02, 2020

Thank you so much for giving it a read and for your comment! Okay, I'll be honest––I literally did not even think of that as a pun. That is so funny now that I read it back (is it bad to laugh at my own unintentional pun?). Thanks for the catch :D

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17:28 Oct 02, 2020

Yeah of course, it was a great story! Haha nooo that’s not bad at all! I have a really bad tendency to catch puns in EVERYTHING (I’m kind of obsessed with them)!

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16:26 Oct 01, 2020

I really liked this story. I think the memories are really well written and I loved how the characters from the protagonist's past were made important.

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Lina Oz
18:02 Oct 01, 2020

Thank you so much for giving it a read and for your thoughtful comment! I really appreciate it.

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19:50 Oct 01, 2020

Of course, I'm excited to see what you write next!

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Maya W.
19:27 Sep 30, 2020

Woah, this was incredible! So amazing! I loved all the world building you were to get into such a short story, and all the emotion you conveyed. I'm a little confused about what happened to the narrator and Eli, but I think that's what you intended. If it is, great job! Great job in general, I guess!

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Lina Oz
19:40 Sep 30, 2020

Thank you so much for giving it a read and for your lovely comment! I really appreciate it :) I did want to leave the ending very open, but I’ll reread it and see how I can make that intention come across a little clearer. I honestly wasn’t sure what I wanted to happen to those two characters, so I aired on the side of ambiguity. I hope that makes sense!

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Maya W.
19:44 Sep 30, 2020

Yeah, it makes perfect sense! Would you mind reading some of my stories here, too? Thanks!

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Lina Oz
19:49 Sep 30, 2020

Sure, I’d be happy to :)

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Philip Clayberg
16:33 Oct 18, 2020

I liked your story. But it made me feel sad (maybe that was your intention). When I finished it, I could almost hear the Little Mermaid (now in human form) walking along the beach, wincing each time she felt what seemed like sharp blades, wishing she hadn't given up her mermaid form and life to become human, begging the sea, "Please take me back. Please make me a mermaid again. Please don't leave me here alone on solid ground. I just want to go back home!"

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Keerththan 😀
05:58 Oct 14, 2020

This was so touching. I love simple sentences. But, you wrote the story with simple sentences. I loved it. The ending was heartbreaking. Wonderful story. Keep writing. Would you mind reading my new story? Thanks.

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B. W.
20:30 Sep 30, 2020

I really enjoyed this story and i think that you've done a really great job with it. I'm not sure if you ever really want some sort of advice with your stories but i think that you should still continue to make more stories. Though only when your not busy or something like that. So do you know what i'm gonna go and give this story? 10/10 :)

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