Gentle is the Touch of Dilemma

It was 7:03 AM when Eleanor finally killed the alarm. Another dreamless night had passed by too fast to recover the energy for another busy day. With eyes half closed she trudged to the kitchen.

“Bloody hell …,“ she gasped as she looked at the table covered by yesterday´s shopping. She had forgotten to store the perishables.

There was no time to do it now; soon she had to wake the kids and get them ready for school.

Breakfast first, something simple, something quick.

Eleanor pushed the shopping to the side making space for three around the small kitchen table – she could eat on the way. She was grabbing the plates from the cupboard with her left while searching for the pack of wholegrain bread with her right. Clank! A plate slipped from her hand and landed almost perfectly on the table.

“Thank God,“ she sighed thinking to herself: We were starting to run low on crockery.

Toast with Marmite, two for Liam and Mary-Anne, and three for Joshua.

7:26 AM. Almost time to wake the kids up!

Eleanor grabbed the three lunch boxes from the shelf and set them beside each other. Blue for Joshua, green for Liam, and pink for Mary-Anne, even though she hates that colour.

She filled the containers with cheese and ham sandwiches, carrots on the side, an apple and a bottle of water.

“Mamma?“

Eleanor continued with her preparations while instructing her son. “Sit down Joshua, the toast is ready.”

Two slices of toast and a glass of milk were already sitting in front of him. He nibbled at a piece as if trying to see whether it was poisoned. It wasn´t, so he tried some more and suddenly his blank expression disappeared, replaced by a bright smile.

Eleanor lived for the moments like this. Her children were her pride, joy and hope. Nothing else mattered.

Mary-Anne entered the kitchen, sat down, and started eating on her own. She had been quiet since Gary´s last visit.

Two weeks ago, Gary – her first love and now the absentee father of her children, visited.

He came and went every now and again, bringing an envelope with maintenance – never enough though, and never on time.

Anger claimed her thoughts for a moment. His new girlfriend must have been squeezing him hard lately!

She exclaimed, regaining her inner composure. No time for that now, Eleanor. It doesn’t matter.

But it did matter to her. For the sake of the kids, however,  Eleanor often neglected her wants and needs. Even her own thoughts. She was the guiding light and the only stable pillar in the lives of three human beings. That was her responsibility.

Eleanor turned around, Josua had finished his breakfast already – fast as always.

“Go wake Liam up, Joshua.” He did so with his usual vigor, stemming from the post-meal surge of energy leaving Eleanor smiling.

Eleanor would normally ask Mary-Anne but she was defiant the last couple of days, giving her the silent treatment.

Gary had come in after two months to visit. She invited him in, gritting her teeth and giving him a fake smile. For the sake of the kids, she had to play that little game. He would normally stay for a bit and play with the kids. But this time around, without even finishing tea, he left abruptly, stating only: “Have to go. With the marriage coming up soon, I have to help Stella with the preparations.”

Gary put on a jacket, smiled back at the kids, and left, without giving Eleanor a chance to respond.

I guess this is it. She thought, wondering where that would leave her and the kids.

8:08 AM. All the lunch boxes were packed, kids were just finishing brushing their teeth.

It was a twenty-minute walk to the local school, Eleanor didn´t have a car, didn’t have a driver´s license, and couldn´t afford it either.

Time to go!

…

After dropping the kids off at school, Eleanor had to get a bus to the other side of the city. She worked part-time at a local Care Home. She had to fill in for the full-time employees leaving her with some spare days.

The pay wasn´t enough and with Gary´s less frequent visits, and the envelopes that felt lighter and lighter with each visit, she had to pick up the slack by also filling in for her friend at a Café nearby.

Despite the tight budget and strenuous hours she had to put in to keep them all afloat she thought of a surprise for the kids. She had been saving up a little by little for a little trip to the countryside.

A week-long getaway during the Easter holidays!

Kids needed it, and God knew, she needed it as well.

She looked at the watch. 9:03 AM.

“Bugger!” She quickened the pace, it was the second time she had come in late. She couldn´t afford to lose the job.

…

In the end, Eleanor´s first meal of the day came during lunch break. She had the most common with Lindsey, a young student at a local medical school.

“Hungry?” Lindsey asked, watching Eleanor furiously attack the plate with cutlery.

Eleanor looked up with a grin. “Famished!”

Lindsey looked worriedly at her, mustering the courage to speak knowing full well that the topic of the conversation would be sensitive.

“You know,” she started, “I can help you with the kids sometimes. If you want of course!”

Eleanor raised her head, swallowing the last bit of food.

“Thank you, Lindsey, but it´s fine.” Eleanor knew Lindsey meant well, and she appreciated the sentiment, but she didn´t think burdening someone else was a solution. Lindsey was a working student and had already enough on her plate. Hiring someone to help out was an option, but that would strain her budget even further.

“My offer stands, Elen. You can call me if you need me.”

“Ok, I appreciate it.” To break from the awkward moment, Eleanor stood up saying. “Now let´s get back to it.” Ending the break for both of them.

…

After picking up the kids and walking back home there was always something she had to do. Her days ended when she put the kids to sleep. Just before going to bed herself, she would often sit down in the kitchen by the window contemplating and thinking about tomorrow.

She had saved up for a weekly stay at a countryside homestead not far out of the city. Fresh air and place not so cramped as was their current apartment.

She opened the window; a cold evening breeze touched her cheeks, caressing her as if comforting and reassuring her. Eleanor closed her eyes and smiled.

She could see the meadows and feel the sun kissing her skin. She could hear her kids running through the fields laughing.

They were all laughing.

Eleanor wished for them to be there already, to enjoy the simple moments of happiness together, far away from the distractions and the noise of the city.

Then the breeze intensified, and as if slapping Eleanor across the face, a gust of wind shattered her dream-like fantasy.

She found herself lying on the floor, with the chair turned on its side. Her head hurt. A puddle of blood marked the spot on the floor where she hit it.

It took Eleanor a good minute to get back on her feet. She reached for her phone. Once again her thoughts went to her kids.

This cannot go on.

She dialed the number.

Eleanor didn´t have to wait long to hear a friendly voice.

“Hello, Lindsey Perkins speaking.”