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Fantasy Adventure Teens & Young Adult

The sky was a patchwork of stars and sunlight. Splinters of gold cut across the once dark night sky. Through the clouds, rivers of pale ochre and orange light bled through the cracks. Over the horizon, shades of cerise broke across the dunes, casting rippling ghosts into the arid valley below. In the freezing stillness of dawn, slivers of shadow tuned the sky into an opus of violets and coral hues that softened the sky into a pale robin’s egg blue. Asena shivered in her seat by the ledge. Shoulder to shoulder, Asena sat next to a disgruntled Kadar who begrudgingly handed her a mug of coffee. The pair gazed at the rising sun for long, unblinking minutes as Asena swung her stiff legs over the lip of the canyon. Sipping from her steaming mug, Asena let the heat seep into her skin as she hummed to herself; the desert was barren, but it was beautiful.

“Are you ready to go?” Kadar asked from beside her, springing to his feet, dusting himself off. From the sound of his boots in the shifting sand and gravel, Asena could tell that he now stood behind her, awaiting the sunrise.

“Back to base or into that excuse for a spice market?” Asena replied, not bothering to face him.

“Spice Market,” Kadar said. Asena could tell he was getting impatient; Kadar never spoke in clipped sentences unless he was particularly ticked. “This isn’t a vacation girl, this a job, remember? We’re to capture the informant and send him back to base for questioning.”

Of all the people she could have been paired with for this mission, why did it have to be Kadar? He was not a spy, a solider, or even a specialist, he was just a medic who could fight. Why he had been assigned to her was a mystery, he was almost a decade older than her, but she outranked him in every way.  “I remember, but it takes an hour to get the city, and another hour to get to the market,” Asena stated, still staring at the red rock desert before her, “the sun just rose, we have time, for coffee.”

Draining her mug, Asena smiled into the cold embrace of the wind that kissed roses into her sore cheeks. Swinging her legs up next to her, Asena felt the familiar twinge of pain in her shoulders and ribs. She could still feel the ache from the beating she took last week from the Lord Commander, and while he had tried not to damage her face too badly, the bruises he had given remained. The back and blue splotches had blossomed into a horrific crimson and violet. Leaping to her feet, she swayed slightly, giving herself a moment to adjust, listening to Kadar’s barley coherent mumbling, “But that’s your third mug―”

“Fine,” Asena yelled, catching Kadar off guard. He spun around to face her. Asena shoved her now empty mug into Kadar’s chest as she walked past him, “let’s go.”

Jumping onto a milk-white mare Asena kicked up red sand and rocks in her wake. With the sun behind her and the fleeting shadows of night before her, Asena threw her head back and cackled into the wind. Savouring the ache of her bones Asena didn’t regret destroying the warlord’s ships or setting his slaves free. It may have earned her a few fractured ribs and some bruises, but it was worth it. That slavers’ ships deserved to be destroyed.

Nobody should be a slave.

No one.

-

The journey to the city took an hour and a half, and much to Kadar’s chagrin, he and Asena crested the final ridge of the valley before the city gates had opened. Asena glared sourly at the sprawling mess of beige buildings below. Like most buildings in this forgotten piece of the world, they were squat and crooked, but this colony of Haen was the jewel of the desert. Not only did it have several oases throughout the city, but it was the heart of all trade. From ammunition and artillery, to textiles and jewels, to aphrodisiacs and spices, anyone could buy anything they wanted, all they had to do was name their price. It had rightfully been nicknamed the City of Echoes for a reason; there you could hear rumours from halfway around the world.

Tying their horses at an inn for the day, Kadar and Asena joined the sea of sweaty bodies that flowed into the heart of the market. It was not yet mid-morning, but nevertheless, the people were at the mercy of the sun, its unyielding heat beat down on the uncovered heads of tourist and naïve youth. In the sweltering spice market, Asena fastened her gloves over her battered and bloodied knuckles and secured the white cotton hood around her.

The market smelt of cinnamon and sugar. Delicious trays of baked goods and candied fruit lined the tables of the street stalls. Asena could smell the sweet tang of citrus in the air and hear the bubbling of what she was certain was a cool fountain nearby. The entire city smelt of sewage and other ghastly things, but the spice market was the exception. Bight, fragrant flowers lined the tents, a canopy of intricate textiles hung above the street, and the faint sound of music could be heard over the rabble of the voices. Amidst the calm chaos, Asena watched messengers run back and forth, from stall to stall, person to person, occasionally pickpocketing passers-by.

Crossing the cracked dirt street, Asena first saw a flash of light followed by the screech of her name. Drawing her throwing knives from her sleeves Asena shot them blindly into the air. The metal lodged itself in the wood, pinning a childlike creature to the wall. If it weren’t for its crudely turned feet Asena would have thought it to be a regular child, but she was not mistaken, this was most certainly a douen. With backwards-facing feet and knees, and heels that faced forward, these malevolent spirits were said to be the children of the dammed who died before their time. Knives drawn, Asena approached the spirit.

“What business?” Asena snapped, a knife pressed to the creature’s throat. Although corporeal and already dead, slitting the creature’s throat would send it back to the Shadow Realm where it belonged.

In the alley, Asena peered beneath the douen’s big, floppy straw hat and saw its hollow eye sockets, and shrivelled mouth. The lack of eyes and nose made Asena’s spine shiver in the heat. “For you miss,” he said, holding out a note.

Kadar stared blankly at them both, unsure if he should intercede or hang back. Taking the note Asena slit the creature's throat, not bothering to look at the oily puddle it dissolved into as she walked away.

“A note from one of your many lovers?” Kadar questioned, as he jogged to keep up with her.

Asena didn’t answer as she flicked open the cream colour paper, her eyes nearly popping out of her head.

“What? What is it? Is it from―” Kadar started to falter.

“It’s nothing,” Asena lied, tucking the note into her tunic. “Come on, we’ve got a job to do. The spice trader is just around the corner―”

Kadar’s glare seemed to intensify in the rippling heat of the market. Now standing in the shade of a palm tree, Asena could see the waves of heat radiating off the uncovered rooftops above, maybe the heat was melting Kadar’s senses she thought.

“It’s nothing,” Asena shot back, matching Kadar’s glare. “Let’s just get this over with.” Asena gestured to the spice trader and disappeared into the bustling crowd of faces once more.

Snagging a bag of sherbet suckers from a nearby cart Asena climbed on top a sheltered rooftop and waited patiently for Kadar to give the signal. While they had discussed the details of the abduction on their way to the city, Kadar never mentioned what the signal would be, he just said you’ll know it when you hear it. Asena rolled her eyes just thinking about it.

Asena was tempted to look at the note from earlier, but she was too tense to read it again. From the moment she had seen the sender’s signature she knew that it could only mean trouble, and not the good kind. Shuddering at the too-sweet candy Asena began to plan her escape. As soon as she got back to base, she would grab her things and go; disappear into the night. She had done it before; she could do it again. Watching the morning crowd ebb into an afternoon lull, Asena almost fell asleep until she heard the bells.

Looking down at the crowd below, Asena watched fire erupt through one of the tents, a fire brigade of sorts rushing towards it. The signal was a fire? Asena watched as flames quickly ate at the stalls, devouring the market. The scent of burning cardamom filled the air, black smoke came from the spice trader’s tent. No, Asena thought to herself, the job specified that they bring him back alive, so that they could extract information from him; and Asena didn’t really know how they would do either if the man died of smoke inhalation. Squinting through the blinding sun, Asena caught a glimpse of the man, stumbling into the street and doubled over in a coughing fit. Gods help Kadar when she got a hold of him. Leaping down from the adjacent roof, Asena tackled the man to the ground, binding his hands behind his back whilst also tying a gag around his mouth. Suddenly a loud pop, pop, pop, sounded and clouds of cadmium yellow and red filled the air. Asena had never been one to cause the distraction when on assignment, but did Kadar really have to set the fireworks display on fire? Snapping her head up, Asena searched the frenzied crowd for Kadar. Nothing. Huffing a sigh, she pulled her mask over her mouth, keeping the smoke out of her lungs, as she heaved the man to his feet and barked at him to follow. He was too heavy for her to carry, and if she knocked him out now, he would be nothing but dead weight.

Fighting their way through the crowd, Asena’s hands never left the spice trader’s back, the blade in her hand pressed to his back. Halfway out of the city, Asena heard Kadar’s voice yelling behind her, spinning around she saw Kadar on a horse drawn cart. Thank the gods. He was heading straight for her; giving no indication of stopping or slowing down. Sheathing her dagger, she positioned the trader for Kader to grab him, and waited. Pounding heartbeats later, Kadar grabbed the man by the shoulders, hauling him onto the cart. Asena then began her sprint, leaping onto the back of the moving cart, her boots almost missing the edge, but she stuck the landing anyway.

“You’re late!” she yelled, scrambling to make her way to the front.

“Sorry Captain, but I had a little scuffle with the market guards,” he replied, as Asena hastily grabbed the reigns, jerking them away from running straight into a lamp post. Who taught this guy how to drive, a fish? Asena steered them towards the outskirts of the city, to the river port where they would steal a boat and head back to base.

-

The afternoon sun crawled over the sand dunes lazily. Ripples of sand-cast strange shapes over the river. A hot breeze blew against Asena’s face. Spotting a yacht in the distance Asena stood to get into position, however before she could take a step forward, she felt cold steel grip her wrists. Spinning to face him she saw Kadar’s usually pale face turn pink, and she knew, she knew what was about to happen next.

Two steel cuffs bound her wrists together. “Who gave the order?” Asena asked, as she knelt before Kadar, glaring at him. His hands shook with her the weight of her dagger. “Who gave the order to kill me?” She asked, deadpan and unphased, she would give no one the satisfaction of her fear.

“No one. No one gave the order to kill you, just detain you.” Kadar said, and Asena didn’t miss the quiver in his voice as he met her steel gaze.

“Who?” She repeated.

“I did,” a clear voice cut through the stifling heat of the afternoon, but Asean’s blood turned to ice. She knew that voice, knew it like the back of her hand. She would know that voice even in death. Turning her head towards her, Asena was met with Varina’s piercing midnight eyes. They had glowered at Asena long and often enough for her to know them anywhere. Irina Varina stood tall, glaring down at Asena. With ebony hair and skin to match, Varina was terrifyingly beautiful. It all made sense now, Kadar hadn’t been sent to assist Asena, he had been sent to subdue her. To babysit her and make sure she didn’t run away, again.

“I finished the job, as you requested. What do I do now?” Asena asked, making an effort to keep her tone respectful.

“Other than your grave incontinence and impatience, I am not sure where to start, but after you set that warlord’s slaves free and stole a fleet of his finest ships, the Lord Commander was furious. He demanded retribution for the gold that you cost him, he even attempted to send you to Death’s doors.”

“I am going to guess that you didn’t allow either?” Asena mused, fighting the smile that threatened to reveal itself.

“I instead agreed to send you to the mountain fortress East of here,” Varina gestured to the towering snow-capped mountains in the distance.

“What am I supposed to do in the mountains? Meditate?” Asena almost scoffed, but after years of training under Varina’s watchful eye, she knew better.

“No. You are being sent to train with a poisons master, a skill that you have yet to master. You will also learn some sense in the mountains. They value respect, and you will learn to hold your tongue.” Varina announced, her tone alone could have frozen the entire river solid. The Lord Commander was royally pissed at her if she was being sent to the mountains for training. Come back useful or don’t come back at all, got it.

“How am I supposed to get there?” Asena enquired, leaning back, folding her arms and shifting uncomfortably in the heat.

“There’s a supply boat that leaves the fortress once a month, it should be here in the next five minutes.” Varina then signalled behind her for something because the next thing Asena knew was that two bags were brought out and placed at her feet. “I’ve taken the liberty of packing your bags, I expect to see in three months. No more. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Asena whispered, bowing slightly at her razor-sharp tone, “I understand.”

-

The boat ride to the mountain fortress took longer than Asena thought possible, and the hike up the mountain itself was beyond unpleasant. She shivered the whole way, riding stiffly on top a butterscotch mare who climbed over the fresh snow and ice with ease. In the faded light of evening, the sky turned a deep violet and red, with faint hints of blue and yellow. Asena shivered at the sight of it; the clouds reminded Asena of her bruised ribs. Chilled to the bone, Asena began to miss the searing heat of the desert, the sun on her face.

After she had been given a room, eaten dinner with the other trainees at the fortress, and present to the Master of Poisons, or as he proclaimed The King of Assassins, Asena sat on the balcony of her suit. In nothing but her night silks, Asena watched the firepit in the courtyard below crackle and splutter. Apparently, the Master of Poisons was an old friend of the Lord Commander, so Asena was given a room on his private floor, reserved for the other masters. Staring into the distance Asena could see a silver lake that flowed just beyond the fortress walls. Standing to get a better look, Asena felt the world spin around her, the floor began to sway and swing, undulating below her. Asena then pulled the note that she had gotten in the market, out of her silk robe, opening the note one last time.

I am waiting, but I will not wait forever.

Pulvis et umbra sumus.

I am coming.

-Atlas

It was those three simple words, that shattered Asena most. I am coming. Her sister had found her. She had found her in the City of Echoes of all places and most important of all she was coming. She was coming for her, and she was going to raise hell while she was at it. Of course, she would, that was her way, chaos. Throwing the whiskey bottle to the ground, Asena watched the glint of light on broken glass. Lighting the note on fire, she burned it in the palm of her hand with nothing but her magic. Staring at the glowing embers of the fire, Asena relished the burning touch that singed her fingertips.

Asena leaned against the bannister; the cold iron sent tingles across her warm skin. The sky was a patchwork of stars and moonlight. Splinters of moonlight sparkled across the snow. Squinting, she saw silver bounce off the obsidian surface of the lake like stardust. Asena continued to gaze at the night sky, the full moon reflected across the black lake, casting rippling ghosts, the reflection shone like diamonds.

All the world was as still as death; and maybe it was?

Maybe she would be too?

Maybe soon.

In the silence, Death purred her name and she smiled.

November 21, 2020 03:16

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17 comments

Dalyane Deblois
17:29 Nov 29, 2020

Hi Elizabeth! I'm glad I finally got to read your newest story, it did not disappoint! Although you mentioned not outlining this story as you usually do, it felt coherent and well paced. Of course there's a lot happening, but it goes well with your style and it is very entertaining. Knowing more about Asena would be great as well, and I would be very curious to read about her sister as well. You managed a great plot, simple at first, but we quickly realize that there is more to it than the mission. I liked the suspense, wondering about the...

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Elizabeth Inkim
21:45 Nov 29, 2020

Hey Dalyane, excited to see that you made it! I don't think I've quite found my style, but I am glad that it seems to be taking shape. Although this story isn't quite my favourite, I think this is one of those times where I've accidentally written the beginning of a series and didn't know it, what do you think? Reflecting back on this I think the plot snowballed in a way. If you could change one thing or focus on one detail of this story what would it be? I am curious as to what other directions Asena's story could go, right no I have a d...

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Dalyane Deblois
02:21 Dec 02, 2020

I think that I would defenitely want to know what happens next! It has so much potential, I think you should develop it! Her sister is very introguing to me, so I’d love to see her make a grand appearance! We see she has magic, which is very interesting and I wonder to what extent she has it. A love interest would also be captivating, maybe from enemies-to-lovers. The place she ends uo at the end could be different from what she heard or thought is was. Just throwing things, I’m sure you’ll find just the right ideas!

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Elizabeth Inkim
03:20 Dec 05, 2020

OMG, this week has just been so hectic for me so I apologize in advance for this late reply. 1. Since I will probably make this into a series at some point, what do you think it should be called? 2. I've always loved the enemies-to-lovers idea, maybe this will be my chance to work that in; Asena is just the most erratic person in my mind, she would defiantly do something like that. 3. A grand entrance is on the horizon, to me, there's nothing more exciting then righting big personalities. 4. Did you think the world and setting was dev...

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Dalyane Deblois
20:49 Jan 11, 2021

No worries, I'm much more late. I've had such a busy last month with my finals and I wanted so many things done during Christmas. 1. I am very bad with names and titles but if I come up with something, I'll tell you. Of course, that's assuming you haven't found it yet. 2. I confirm, enemies-to-lovers is a great idea and I'm sure you would write it beautifully. 3. I'm big on personalities as well. They are so important in a story and they make the characters more appealing to the readers. 4. I don't think the setting is developed too much. T...

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Elizabeth Inkim
01:55 Jan 16, 2021

So glad your back! Late responses are always okay, once one is on the horizon; but I am happy to let you know I've finally got around to the enemies-to-lovers idea in my latest story "Tables Turn, Bridges Burn" I can't wait to know what you think.

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Ark Vandal
17:25 Nov 23, 2020

Hii, Inkim Well, I'd say the only problem I had with this story is that there seemed to be too much going on for its length. Some parts of it reads like an info dump in my opinion and makes my eyes just sort of glaze over it?🤔 Other than that, great story.

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Elizabeth Inkim
17:31 Nov 23, 2020

Interesting, I can see that. What part did you find particularly drab or info dumpy? Admittedly not my best story but hey, you have to write some bad ones along the way and I think this is one of them. So let me know know what were the best and worst parts?

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Harken Void
12:27 Nov 23, 2020

Hey Inkim! Well, you were right; I did like it! Reading this story gave me a sense of a larger world and a larger plot happening; like A.dot Ram said, 'the beginning of something'. I like the descriptions of the desert and the market; especially using other senses too, like smell of spices and sound of music and talking. But there's a LOT going on for a short story. First, I'd like to know some basic information of about Asena (how old is she, what her motives are, why is she working for the Lord Commander if she doesn't agree with h...

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Elizabeth Inkim
16:46 Nov 23, 2020

First off, thank you so much for this lengthy feedback, I enjoyed reading it and it was quite insightful. I enjoy these lengthy feedback sessions/comments, so by all means keep them coming, there’s always something to be learnt; and clearly, I have much to learn and hopefully one day master. 1. Ah yes, multi-sensory descriptions, I am a sucker for those as well as vivid imagery. They’re some of my favourite things to write. 2. As for plot and storyline, I must admit looking back at it now, it is quite unfocused. What changes would you su...

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Harken Void
10:39 Nov 24, 2020

Hey, no problem! I felt like being helpful ;) 1. Visuals are the default, but to really pull readers in, using the other sense is crusial - I think you've got this one. 2 & 3 & 5. Maybe I'd focus on one thing and make that the whoel story; like just the job Asena was asigned, to capture the informant. I'd introduce her and her frined at the beginning - as you did - but I'd show her inner reasoning for doing the job, and if she is confused and can't decide what she wants, I'd show it in her reasoning, in how she 'narrates' what's going ...

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Elizabeth Inkim
14:07 Nov 24, 2020

2 & 3 & 5. Good point, thank you for the examples. 4. True. 6. What's your favourite 3rd Person Limited POV book or series? The last two books that I remember being written in 3rd Person Limited POV is the "Six of Crows" duology by Leigh Bardugo and the "Throne of Glass" series by Sarah J. Maas; both YA I know, but I don't remember what other books used 3rd Person Limited POV at the moment.

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Harken Void
19:00 Nov 24, 2020

My favourite example of 3rd limited, as well as masterfull epic fantasy writing, is the Stormlight Archive from Brandon Sanderson. The man presents his world solely throgh the eyes of his characters - and boy, I'm two books in the series and I feel like I know those people in real life, they're so detailed.

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Elizabeth Inkim
19:22 Nov 24, 2020

That’s been in my TBR pile for so long😱? Guess I’ll move it up to next then. Thanks again.

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Elizabeth Inkim
03:32 Dec 05, 2020

Hey, I know that the POV and some structural points of this story weren't my best so I tried again this week and I put your advice to use and wrote "The Savage Truth of Fear". I would love to know if I was able to develop my POV voice and structure more; So check it out if/when you get a chance, its more action and people-driven than my other stories. I really think I did better with writing in 3rd Person Limited POV, and as usual, I look forward to seeing what you think in the comments.

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A.Dot Ram
07:22 Nov 22, 2020

You've built an interesting world and character. This definitely feels like the beginning of something. A lot of things happened to Asenan, but i'm struggling to gauge where she is in all of it. What does she want? At various times coffee, freed slaves, a successful mission, and probably her own freedom. I want more of a continuous thread propelling her through the story, though. The douen was an interesting creature and helped establish that this is a magical world. I would have liked to know sooner that Asena had her own magic. It might...

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Elizabeth Inkim
18:12 Nov 22, 2020

Thank you so much for the read, and I agree, this story wasn't as well constructed as some of my others; I didn't really have a plan for it. Her character voice probably should have been a bit stronger, more opinionated. 1. As for the story, what did you think of the plot? 2. For, " At various times coffee, freed slaves, a successful mission, and probably her own freedom" I think Asena wants it all but just can't prioritize it, and I think that shone through and overpowered the reader experience at certain places. 3. In regards to...

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