Remember The Stars

You never realize how big the universe is until you sat outside for hours looking up into the night sky. Especially after a long day like this. This was all I needed to keep my peace, looking out into the stars. I do this often enough after being stressed out with school or home. Maybe I'm just insane but I look into the sky and think about how to escape there. Maybe no one else realizes how beautiful and depressing the universe is. I sure didn't. Then again we don't even know half the things we think we do about the world and space around us. The people you love. Those who say they will hate you forever. Do we really know anything? Maybe, but maybe I'm just like everyone else. Waiting to escape. I hate going back inside. It makes me feel inclosed, My house isn't the biggest but it fits. I walk past my family in a trance, into my bedroom and shut the door.

as I'm walking home from school it starts to get dark around me. I keep walking, maybe I should take a longer way home. I turned around walking slow. It is a forty-five-minute walk now and I stop. there is a bench right next to this beautiful trail my grandmother used to take me to. The bench was made from old wood or possibly it had once been fresh and clean. The wood was painted a dark green, I ran my finger across a grove in the corner of the wood and the paint peeled back with my movement. Today would be marked as the last day of winter. I only had on a light coat and honestly, that's all I needed because I wasn't cold at all. There were some other people around me. Children running around yelling at one another not to go to far away from their parents. This sweet looking older couple was taking pictures of the lake. It was no longer frozen and the light glistened off the surface of the water. the couple smiled at me, I tried to fake a smile at them but I couldn't so instead I waved in their direction.

Then I got home and immediately my peace was disrupted. No one had called to tell me what was going on. mt grandmother was sitting on the couch reading a story to my little sister. I hadn't seen my mom yet which was odd because she usually gets off work at 6:30 it was 7:06. I assume my grandma saw the worried look in my face because she took a pause from their book and said "we'll talk later" then she went back to reading the book.

Later that night once my sister was finally asleep. She looked at me "she will be back in a few days dear". She and I sat down on the couch and talked about what was going on. My mom was in the emergency room. she was having a test done because of her abdominal pain. I wanted to text or call her. Then I decided not to until the morning so she wouldn't hear the worried tone in my voice.

I need an escape. I waited until my mother came home and we knew she would be okay. So I snuck outside, I had everything I needed with me. So I laid down for a while just thinking if I should really go through with this. I reached into the pocket of my hoodie. My fingers wrapped tightly around the yellow tinted bottle. When I had been inside I counted out 15 small blue pills. They were hidden in the tissue box next to our sink. I already knew they were there I just never really paid attention to why. The night sky was painted with dark purples and blues all blended together with a cover of black. I also grabbed a water bottle that was lying beside me. This is it, I need to escape.

The hospital feels dark as if there was a rain cloud above the entire building. He is hooked up to a million wires and machines. lights flicker on and of the computer screen. All of us his mother especially are walking on eggshells. His cheeks are rosy he looks peaceful. As if any moment he will wake up. Then this would all be over. Or would it? Now if... no, when he wakes up there will be the thought in our minds if it will happen again. The doctor comes into the room and we all jump. He stands there looking at all of us. We hold our breath and I squeeze his hand tighter. "There is a possibility. Well, he may not recover. "The room went silent. Not that we were talking before but you could have heard a pin drop."

his mother looks pail. You can see exactly what she is thinking. "god, please take me instead" I know and she knows as well that she can't die. 1, she just simply can not leave her daughter behind. 2, I will not allow it to happen. And 3, she now knows the pain she would bring to all of the people who love her. I tell her that we are going out to eat at first she refuses but I force her into it. There is a nice little restaurant, they serve Italian food. So both of us got pasta and salad. We just sat there spinning the food around the plate. Only taking little bites. Both of us just wanted to go run back to the hotel room. All I can think about is going back to him. Maybe when we walk into the room he will be awake and talking. Maybe... maybe the worst could have happened. I really should not be thinking like that but how can I not. Because that is exactly what happened.

As we walk out of the hospital the next night. The sky is black. The air around us is pitch black. We can't see each other and to be fair I am one hundred percent okay with that. The only thing that we could see was the tinny little stars. I stopped and stared at them for what felt like years. I needed to remember the stars.